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Heidi Benjaminsen is a certified life coach who helps mothers sending their first child to college not freak out! Listen to hear tips and tools so you can be someone that your child WANTS to call and connect with. Learn how to handle yourself as your family needs you less. Heidi is an emotions, nervous system and flexible thinking expert, as well as being the mother of college students.
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It sounds like a kind desire to have towards others - wanting them to be happy and feel good. This desire works... until it doesn't and this thought becomes toxic and creates stress (in us and them). And disconnects us from the people we love most who experience human and negative experiences. When others are sad, grieving, disappointed and more, t…
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Humans are like magnets. Something in our make-up attracts or repels certain people. I believe OUR VIBE or our energy attracts certain people, certain successes, and certain failures in our life. And our VIBE repels others. Our vibe includes our nervous system - how we hold our body, the words we use, our mannerisms, how we dress, act, don't act, h…
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Because our brains are "wired" on default to look for the negative, feeling more joy in life isn't an automatic process. It requires focus and intention and practice. First, we have to recognize what is STEALING our joy. And neutralize these "joy thieves". Listen to a replay of episode 11 to hear the many human ways we all let joy be stolen from us…
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All moms worry if they are "good enough"; we are biologically wired to care about this. This "worry" becomes a problem when we look to our children or external factors to determine if we are good enough. It's an even bigger problem if we think we need to be "perfect". Listen to episode 179 to hear advanced certified life coach Heidi Benjaminsen dis…
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Summary In this episode, I discuss the tendency common to everying - wishing others were different from who they are. It's something I've noticed in the people I coach, and it's a struggle I've faced in my own relationships with family and friends. Throughout the episode, I explore how these wishes create barriers between us and the people we care …
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We all want to be liked. It's a human survival desire. It feels good when people like us. BUT we all encounter people who don't like us. Our brain thinks this is a problem. This isn't a problem! If someone likes us, this represents their brain and their lane - not us! Listen to this "best of" episode to learn how to manage what you think, feel and …
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Learning how to say no when someone requests something of us is a critical skill. This skill anchors and steadies us as we stay in our lane and take more control of our life. Listen to episode 176 (a replay of episode 9) to learn: Importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing time Reasons why people struggle to say no Awareness of the consequen…
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The episode delves into the idea of grace, drawing inspiration from a talk by Brad Wilcox titled "His Grace is Sufficient." Grace, as Heidi explains, is a gift given out of love, not fear or judgment, and it assumes worthiness without the need for earning it. She explores how grace applies to human relationships, emphasizing the importance of shift…
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Heidi Benjaminsen hosts "Confidence Coaching," a podcast aimed at supporting mothers in maintaining calmness and stability regardless of their surroundings. In Episode 174, titled "Building Core Confidence," Heidi shares a personal experience from a skiing trip in Austria to illustrate the importance of developing emotional resilience and stability…
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The fastest way to changing our life is SLOWING DOWN and examining situations we want to change. When we pause and reflect on what we are thinking, we're able to change emotional patterns. Our frustration, stress, and insecurity suddenly isn't needed because we see the situation from a different perspective. In episode 173 of Confidence Coaching, H…
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When we gain life experience, learn new information and see the perspective of how other people experience life, our opinions, our beliefs, our biases change. Confident people WANT to change their minds over their lifetime. To do so requires a lot of self-acceptance, integrity, discomfort, humility and emotional maturity. Our lower brains will resi…
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As I end each year, I share with you important "thoughts" and beliefs that carried me through the year. This year has been incredibly busy, and yet I've moved through the year without swirling chaos. I've stayed anchored to what is most important and I've chosen how I want to feel and experience everything. Listen to hear how I've managed my though…
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Tis the season to be invited to a lot of events, parties, gatherings, recitals, and more. It feels great when we have the time and energy to say YES to as many things as we want. There will come a time, though, when the best way to take care of our life, our lane, is to decline an invitation. This may be uncomfortable - you and they may be disappoi…
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Overwhelm, stress, anxiety and worry are created when we're looking at a situation or person with the wrong perspective. We may be too "zoomed out" and not seeing how to get anchored and calm, or we may be too "zoomed in" and not seeing the bigger picture with peace. Listen to episode 169 to hear an important anchoring tool. Learn questions to ask …
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Gratitude does more than increase our dopamine and increase our mood, being grateful and expressing appreciation can heal our body and nervous system. Gratitude is a super emotion that connects us to people, regulates our body and attracts more goodness into our life. Yet... expressing gratitude is a skill and muscle we can all build. Listen to Hei…
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We've all heard that the way we hold out body sends messages to other people about our confidence or insecurities, if we are open to conversation or want to be left alone. Did you know our nervous system ALSO knows how WE are holding our body and ALSO sends signals of confidence or insecurity, of safety or danger? Listen to episode 167 of Confidenc…
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A teenager's body has wildly fluctuating hormones and moods that seem to hit the highs and lows like the world's best rollercoasters. They can be angry, excited, anxious, nervous and happy all in a few minutes. Just because THEY are on this ride does not mean WE need to be on the ride with them. In episode 166 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benj…
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Life incudes loss and our teens need us to show them how to feel, process and manage deep sorry and grief. Helping them learn to process this human emotion (and not avoid it), sets them up in life to know how to process, feel and handle the inevitable grief that that will encounter. Listen as Heidi shares five tips and tools to use as our teens exp…
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Recently I attended a funeral where I learned about early "chapters" in the life of a dear family member, whom I've only know in the last chapters of their life. These remarks profoundly moved me and I wished I had known this person as a mother of teenagers, like I am now. I wish I had seen us as more alike than I did. Our lives are all a compilati…
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For good and bad, our teens know what we are thinking, what makes us happy and sad, what stresses and overwhelmed us, our beliefs and values and much more. They "track" our body language, facial expressions, all of our non-verbal communication and they create mental "maps" that predict how we will act and react. These survival skills are what human…
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In a casual conversation recently, a friend and I were discussing how principles of thought work, emotional regulation and all things coaching have changed us. My list continued to grow and I realized the changes are quite profound and touch every area of my life. I'm sharing with you in this episode the 17 ways coaching principles have changed my …
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Confident people set their internal GPS and know what they "intend" to do in small and large daily tasks. Confident people bring to their consciousness the purpose and desired result of time with their children, at work, relaxing, conversations. Intensions can be to connect, to relax, anything. Without know what we WANT, we're living on default and…
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Our minds can easily spend time in the past and the future, two places where we have NO control. By contrast, the present moment happening right NOW, is the only moment we can control and really experience life. Listen as Heidi explains how she was present in her body and mind for a once-in-a-lifetime event last week with her family. She shares how…
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We take things personally (or are easily offended) when our brain thinks we are constantly being attacked. We think there is danger in the words, actions and inactions of everyone around us. Regardless of why we may take things too personally, it IS possible to become more confident, stronger emotionally. Listen to episode 159 of Confidence Coachin…
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We are responsible to express and take care of our own needs and wants - this is one of the core responsibilities we have in OUR lane. Our confidence and personal power grows when we stop, ask ourselves what we need, are able to identify this need and then can fill the need - even if it requires asking for help. We are always insecure, disempowered…
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Our relationships with other people are actually much simpler to define than we are led to believe. Because we cannot control the thoughts and feelings of another person, our relationship with them is based on these three aspects: What we think about the other person The stories we tell and imagine about what this person thinks about us What we thi…
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The energy and emotions we carry with us are either repelling or attracting people. Positive emotions like love, kindness, acceptance, peace, curiosity all send energy to the people we interact with that we value and like them. Positive emotions send energy that the other person is doing okay. Negative emotions and energy such as worry, judgment, s…
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We all see the world through different and unique "lenses" formed by our life experiences, biases, strengths, weaknesses, race, and much more. We see the world through our literal eyes and with our brain. This lens is formed by basic beliefs we have about the world - such as that the world is safe place or is a dangerous place. These beliefs can be…
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Corinne Crabtree is a phenomenal example of changing her confidence, her identity and pursuing her dreams. She lost over 100 pounds and has kept it off for 15+ years and has built an 8-figure business helping other women break generational curses of health and wealth. Listen as Corinne shares with Heidi her courageous story, where her belief was wh…
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In the third episode in this special Stay In Our Lane series, listen as Heidi explains what happens between our lanes, between people as we communicate, behave and show up in the world. There is more than just one person being totally responsible for their emotions and not taking accountability for their influence on others. Heidi explains the Chan…
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In this special Stay In Your Lane series, Heidi explains foundational concepts that help us stay anchored and calm in our "own lane". This happens when we understand what everyone else is responsible for in "their lane". Listen in episode 152 as Heidi discusses what everyone else in our life is responsible for and hear examples of how to get out of…
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Confidence is rooted in taking full responsibility for our life, or "our lane". We are responsible to understand and manage our own thinking, feeling, doing and what we are creating. These all create a "wheel" that is constantly directing and moving us in whatever direction WE move it. Listen as Heidi begins a "Stay In Your Lane" series that explai…
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Sarcasm may seem harmless, and possibly is it aimed at yourself. But there is a reason sarcasm is rarely received well. That is because sarcasm means "to tear flesh". Sarcasm hurts. Sarcasm is the least mature way to communicate and often we use sarcasm to passive-aggressively communicate we want someone to change. Listen as Heidi explains what sar…
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It's so easy to live life on auto-pilot, day in - day out, have our schedules, priorities, focuses and forget a few important facts. Its easy to forget the mundane tasks, the daily mess, the kids hitting balls on the house is all evidence of the abundance in our life. It's easy to forget to put our challenges in perspective, realizing someone else …
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Confidence begins with controlling our emotions and understanding what we experience is NOT dependent on other people. This is emotional independence. This is the freedom to feel whatever we want to feel, regardless of the people and the world around us. Emotional independence is what allows us to stay calm while others are angry, to feel peace as …
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We "miss" our children when they leave home for college, work, military, etc. It's a big adjustment period. Its important to know how to handle our own emotions of sadness and "missing" them WITHOUT adding emotional burden to our children. Listen as Heidi shares her experiences of taking two children to college and how she processed these bitterswe…
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Trailing after many of our thoughts are the REAL opinions, biases, judgments and thoughts which are creating what we experience. We are less impacted by what others do and MORE impacted by thinking they SHOULD be different. We are less impacted by the world and MORE impacted by our opinions if we can handle life or if it is too much. This is what w…
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We get hurt when people criticize or say mean things about us. And we feel loved and valued when people compliment us and love us. In reality... what other people think about us reveals everything about them and very little about us. Because people see us the way THEY are, not the way WE are. Listen as Heidi explains how she has handled hurtful com…
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Emotionally healthy families include a mother who knows what she likes, who knows her own desires, dreams, wants - separate from those of her family. Children feel safer and more secure when they see their mother able to express and meet her desires. Its easy while parenting to silence or ignore our own desires and wants. Listen as Heidi shares how…
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We all know the feeling in the pit of our stomach - we hear about a fun party and realize we weren't invited. Or we go to a luncheon and everyone is already sitting with a friend. We feel "left out". Where does this feeling come from and why does it leave us acting in ways that perpetuate us being "left out"? Listen as Heidi shares examples and too…
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Our values are what is most important, above all else, in our lives. Our values are the principles and beliefs driving our actions. Often, though, we don't stop to identify exactly what we value. Listen as Heidi explains why we need to identify and name our values before we set new year's goals and resolutions. Heidi walks you through the questions…
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In the last several months, Heidi has experienced a lot of changes - selling a home and moving her family, sending children to college, and more. Listen as she shares specific experiences of using the tools she teaches in this podcast to confidently stay anchored and to lessen the anxiety of her children and their new changes. Hear the incredible b…
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We all are going to get accidentally and intentionally hurt by others because we’re all human. When we do get hurt (especially when there is no intent), we need to understand the purpose of pain, the purpose of guilt and be able to sit with the discomfort of both. We are responsible to validate and express our pain, while also NOT hurting back. We …
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Arrogance is not confidence, although some may confuse the two and think they are the same. Arrogant people have a low self-esteem, they are constantly comparing themselves to others and need to be better to feel good. Confident people, on the other hand, like themselves and do not need to compare themselves outward to feel good. Listen to Heidi ex…
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Running a marathon, writing a book, making $1 million dollars, starting a restaurant, getting re-married… some of these feel IMPOSSIBLE to us. But they are not impossible if we decide we REALLY want to do them. Listen to Heidi talk with Felicia Broccolo, a coach who helps women turn the impossible into reality. Learn how to anticipate obstacles, wh…
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Asking questions that actually get your teen talking to you is a skill and one of the most powerful tools we have to create lasting relationships. We have to remember we DON’T know what they are thinking and we have to be genuinely curious. Listen as Heidi shares ways to change our mindset and ways to ask questions that get your teen talking. Learn…
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Raise your hand if you have a hard time accepting compliments. I hope that we all have our hands raised. I know I do. But why is that? Social Scientists have a lot of ideas why, and we can talk about those in this episode, but it all boils down to why we bat that compliment away and don’t receive the nice gift that has been given to us. That’s not …
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When a mother invests in her own confidence, security and self-love, she is in a position to “gift” these same emotions to her children. Listen to the beautiful episode where I interview a client and friend of mine who has done some amazing work over the past year. Alisha shares her insecurities before coaching, specifically her worry about telling…
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Heidi shares a story about a trip she took a few years ago, where her GPS took her off the “direct path” and a beautiful trip that unfolded. Heidi shares many lessons from this trip about the options for worry, stress or calm and relaxation as our GPS (or the GPS of our teens) takes them on a path different from others. Learn helpful ways to suppor…
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