#94 Magic Words That Influence, with Tim David

Manage Self, Lead Others: Emotional Intelligence and Leadership for Managers

My guest is Tim David, author of "Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence”, who started his career as a mentalist and magician, until he started focusing more on the connection he makes with his audiences. Tim David's mission now is to help leaders create a connected and invested work culture.

TALKING POINTS

When we communicate intentionally, on purpose, versus just hoping our message is getting across, then amazing things can happen, maybe even magical.

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I want to be clear about what I mean and I want what I say to land, I want what I say to be heard.

If you want to move mountains, we've got to move people. One of the best ways to do it is to ask for their help,

“Would you be opposed to helping me here?”

“I’m not sure if you are the person to ask for this?”

“I'm not sure if this is something you'd be interested in.”

You know, these types of questions, “I'm not sure if . . . “

isn't strong language

it isn't super-confident language

but it draws them in so that they can figure out,

“Maybe I am the person who can help them with this”,

and they're telling themselves that they are, versus you telling them.

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BECAUSE

We hear the word “because” a lot in our lives, and our brains have learned that whenever we hear the word “because” often there's a pretty good reason that comes after it.

A simple tip to get your emails responded to, opened and implemented, people to do what you're hoping them to do . . . whenever you give someone a list of reasons to do something, you write, hey, we gotta do this because, and then bullet point, bullet point . . . at the beginning of each bullet point, repeat the word “because”, “we have to do this because . . .”

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“BUT” ERASER AND “BUT” REVERSAL

So for example, if you were to say to one of your direct reports, “Great job on the project last week, but there's one thing I want to point out . . . “

People say you shouldn't say the word “but”, but in reality you just have to have the word “but” in the right place.

“There is one thing I want to talk to you about last week's project . . . but overall you did a great job.”

I call it the but eraser. The human brain erases everything that comes before the word “but”. Everything coming after the word “but” is enhanced.

For example, let’s say you're in charge of fundraising, you're asking for a donation. and they say, “I'd love to, but I don't have the resources.”

Then you can use the “but reversal”; you can feed back the exact thing they said, just reverse the order. “You don't have the resources right now, but you'd love to help and you'd love to contribute.”

That may or may not change action or the behavior, what it does change is how the person feels about that interaction, or how they feel about their decision, how someone remembers something.

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CONTACT TIM DAVID

www.TimDavidSpeaks.com

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The Manage Self, Lead Others podcast is a show for experienced and aspiring people managers to explore ways to become a more intentional leader. Each episode, Host Nina Sunday speaks with some of the brightest business minds on the planet who share a passion to elevate and transform team culture.

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