Parhaat Potential State Podcastit (2024)

1
Relational Aid - Practical Skill for Couples in Hard Times - with Dr. Shari Geller 1:15:12

9M ago1:15:12

1:15:12

Living in a hard times takes a toll on our relationships. We have changed and so has our partner. One of our biggest resources is our connections. Strengthening our relationships is vital for personal and collective resilience and well-being. How do we stay open and present to our partner, when our bodies and minds are closed in order to protect ou…

1
Relational Aid - Practical Skill for Couples in Hard Times - with Alan Marriott 1:06:20

9M ago1:06:20

1:06:20

We’re deep in wartime.We’re surrounded by war, trauma, power, dichotomies of good and bad and power. All this impacts our relationships and hurts our ability to be vulnerable.Join us as we talk with Alan Marriott, professional improvisor, voice actor, teacher and author of Genius Now! He is one of my all-time favorite improv teachers and he is BRIL…

1
Relational Aid - Practical Skill for Couples in Wartime - with Dr. Daniel Wiener 1:09:10

10M ago1:09:10

1:09:10

Living in a war zone for over three months has taken a toll on our relationships.We have changed and so has our partner.One of the first things to go is our playfulness, joy and spontaneity. Without them, we slide into survival mode and our relationships suffer.OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Rea…

1
Relational Aid - Practical Tools For Couples in Hard Times - with Mary Jo Barrett 1:22:05

10M ago1:22:05

1:22:05

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to host the Relational Aid series. Real, honest talks that offer couples practical tools to help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times.Join us as we talk to Mary Jo Barrett, MSW, Collaborative Change Consultant and author of Treating Complex Trauma: A Relational Blueprint…

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Relational Aid - Practical Tools For Couples - with Dr. Betty Martin 1:03:53

10M ago1:03:53

1:03:53

*** We highly recommend you download and review The Wheel of Consent diagram as you listen to this episode. You can download it here for free: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/downloads OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that…

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Relational Aid - Practical Tools For Couples - with Pastor Kevin A. Thompson 53:09

11M ago53:09

53:09

OWNURSH!T together with Get Help Israel are happy to launch the Relational Aid series, a number of real and raw talks that seek to offer couples practical tools that will help them push past surviving into thriving through these trying times.Join us as we talk to Kevin A. Thompson who is a best selling author, pastor and counselor. We will explore …

1
Relational Aid - Practical Tools For Couples - with Mark O'Connell, LCSW-R 52:48

11M ago52:48

52:48

Join us for an honest talk with Mark O’Connell, author and therapist about how couples can hold and maintain personal and relational multiplicity in times of crisis? How do we stay connected to our full self and remain close in times of war? Dr. Assael and Galit Romanelli run The Potential State and offer individual and relationship coaching with G…

1
The Integrated Systemic Hero's Journey Model 6:17

2+ y ago6:17

6:17

Change is not easy. Many individuals and couples are lacking a blueprint for long-term systemic change. In this talk, we integrate Joseph Campbell's Hero Journey monomyth with systemic change concepts and our Potential State ideas and present our integrated systemic hero's journey model. Practical tips will help you recognize which stage you are in…

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Why are so many men numb? (Hint: It's covert male depression) 1:02:57

3y ago1:02:57

1:02:57

Hey Man (or woman), Are you alive or are you somewhat turned off, numb, or somewhat apathetic? If so, you're not alone. You might be suffering from the under-diagnosed phenomenon of the covert male depression, as first described by Terrance Real. In this talk, taken from a webinar for therapists, I share my story of covert depression and detail how…

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Embrace Your Inner Owl - A conversation about art, multi-potentialities and living your full self 57:01

3y ago57:01

57:01

Are you living your full self? Are you manifesting all your different passions and talents? Some of us have multiple passions, and don't want to commit to only one profession. That is called being a Multipotentialite (coined by Emilie Wapnick), or slashers. How can you live a multipotentialite life? This is an honest talk with friend Tal Shibi who …

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Vulnerability is The Crucial ABILITY in Intimate Relationships (especially for men) 13:44

3y ago13:44

13:44

Many of us learn at a young age (especially boys) that vulnerability=weakness. We therefore try to hide it and don't show it to our partners. This results in shallow, self-presentational relationships with little vitality, excitement, play or curiosity. Moreover, when you're not vulnerable, then you're less interesting to your partner and over time…

1
The Art of Fighting and Making Up 19:23

3y ago19:23

19:23

Fighting is inevitable in every intimate relationship. Most of us don't like, don't know how, or don't even know when we are fighting. Yet arguments and conflicts are a crucial element in building an intimate, differentiated relationship. Too bad there isn't a blueprint for a "positive" fight and make up... Well, actually, there is! In this talk, w…

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Why am I doing everything alone in this relationship? 13:03

3+ y ago13:03

13:03

Many of us find ourselves in charge or a certain dimension of our relationship alone, be it cleaning, financial planning, parenting, and more. This sole responsibility is often a source of tension and frustration in the dyad. This universal pattern is called the seesaw principle (as coined my Michelle Weiner Davis), where the more one person does, …

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Relational Bitterness - The Female Pandemic (and that men hide well) 11:23

3+ y ago11:23

11:23

Bitterness. Usually it is a passing feeling, but sometimes we encounter a partner who is constantly bitter, and their partner who is trying to cheer them up (or avoid them). It is so common that it has become almost a stereotype. Women express bitterness through criticism, pessimism, grogginess, and overall negativity. Men express this feeling thro…

1
Gaslighting is real. Here's how to stop it. 13:53

3+ y ago13:53

13:53

Do you have a sense your partner is sticking it to you but they keep denying it? Do you or your partner deny certain bad behaviors to each other? We all sometimes semi-consciously act in small negative ways to our partners - David Schnarch calls this phenomenon "Normal Marital Sadism". After all, the opposite of love is apathy (not hatred). So we a…

1
Stop Being Efficient in Your Relationships! 15:55

3+ y ago15:55

15:55

Are you (or your partner) super driven to be efficient? Is it hard for you to lower your productivity and just be? If so, you're not alone. Efficiency is actually a wonderful trait but can also function as a defense mechanism. That is why we call it E-FISH-NET, a big (electronic) net that catches all of you and takes you hostage. What is the soluti…

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How to stay hungry after a decade together? 45:03

3+ y ago45:03

45:03

The 'lost' years of a couple's life occur after about 7-10 years: kids, mortgage, school, aging parents, careers, bills, chores, marriage is stable, annoying in-laws, holidays, boredom, fatigue, routine... For most couples these years tend to feel 'comfortably numb' and are sometimes disrupted with a rude awakening in the form of an affair, medical…

1
The Art of Relational Crying 13:12

3+ y ago13:12

13:12

"I know all there is to know about the crying game..." Boy George Crying is a natural and organic way to express and release emotions. Yet crying in relationship is not always easy: Some of us cry very often (over-crying) and some of us find it hard to cry at all (blocked cryers). Both of these extremes have advantages and disadvantages, and both d…

1
Dare to Want... In Your Relationships 11:47

3+ y ago11:47

11:47

"If I can't see your selfishness, I can't believe your generosity." Betty Martin Many of us have a problem expressing our desires and wants in our intimate relationships. Why? For men, this can stem from psychological patriarchy that deems wanting, vulnerability or need as something negative. For others, not wanting protects us from rejection or ri…

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How to deal with a drama queen? 6:04

3+ y ago6:04

6:04

Are you a drama queen (or king)? Are you in a relationship with a drama queen? (Truth is that men are the real drama queens.) If so, you probably know how draining and annoying it is interacting with such 'royalty'. But the systemic truth is: You are encouraging them. Yes, there is no drama queen/king without an audience. Underneath such drama, the…

1
The Most Stable Dyad is a... Triad 9:20

3+ y ago9:20

9:20

Most of us think that two is the most stable number in relationships. But every dyad needs a third to stabilize it. The process of including a third in a dyad is called triangulation. Triangulation is a natural and unavoidable dynamic that occurs in every relationship. The problems begin with the triangulation is fixed and rigid. It creates a 'lose…

1
What is your emotional range? Are you surviving or living? 10:06

3+ y ago10:06

10:06

Imagine all the human emotion would be spread out from 1 being deep despair, all the way to 10 being extreme ecstasy. What would be your range? Which numbers (feelings) are you less familiar with? Many of us are 4-6'ers. We live "between the 40's", keeping it safe, functional but also somewhat numb. In this talk, Galit and I talk about the natural …

1
Why do we believe criticism more than praise? 11:37

3+ y ago11:37

11:37

Most of us believe criticism (or constructive feedback) more than praise. Why? Because some of us grew up in homes where criticism was a way to show care. Over time, this environment creates a core belief that "love = criticism". Such a tendency leads to relationships fraught with conflict, cynicism, and sarcasm. In this talk, Galit and Assael unpa…

1
How to reduce guilt in your parenting? 8:20

4y ago8:20

8:20

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little boy blue and the man in the moon "When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when" But we'll get together then, dad We're gonna have a good time then... Mothers and fathers feel different kinds of guilt regarding their parenting. Kids grow up fast and we have so many things to do all the time. …

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Joy is a VERB, not a noun. 7:24

4y ago7:24

7:24

Do you secretly find it hard to feel and/or express joy in your personal life? Are you in a relationship with a joy killer? If you do, then you're not alone! In the past months, we have discovered that Assael has trouble expressing joy (can you say, a pessimist?), while for Galit joy is a natural and accessible resource (optimist, or as we call her…

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The Implicit Power Struggles in Our (and every) Intimate Relationship 10:39

4y ago10:39

10:39

Every couple has implicit power struggles in the different areas of their relationship (sex, money, parenting, looks, intelligence, and so on...). We call this the 95/70 rule. It has been our experience that this dynamic is inherently present and shapes the couples' mutual functioning. One of the ways we have been renegotiating our 95/70 contract i…

1
Precision or Control? 7:22

4y ago7:22

7:22

Many of us insist that feedback be precise or else they won't consider it. Yet often this precision serves more as a block, a defense mechanism that prevents our growth. In this talk, I share how people use precision as a sophisticated defense mechanism to keep them safe and prevent pain. Through examples from the clinic, I show the losses of this …

1
Solving the problem is the problem. 9:33

4y ago9:33

9:33

Often times, we (especially men) prefer to solve our partner's problems instead of actually letting their feelings or pain into our awareness. This often leads to a "report talk" dynamic where intimacy is low and partners avoid leaning on each other. In this talk, Galit and I unpack why do we prefer to solve our partner's problems and how to stop t…

1
Lose-Lose or Win-Win? You decide. 13:18

4y ago13:18

13:18

Most couples avoid certain unavoidable Topics or decisions. In couples therapy, we call it crucibles, T-junctions, gridlock, 70% unsolvable issues, and more. Yet by avoiding these 'hot' issues, we are stunting our own growth. In this talk, Galit and I offer a fresh view on these lose-lose dilemmas and offer practical advice on how to lean into them…

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Stop over-apologizing! 11:31

4y ago11:31

11:31

Are you (or your partner) one of those people who constantly apologize for everything, even for things that no apology is needed (for example, sorry I didn't pick up the paper you dropped)? If so, this is not only a disempowered, defeated stance but also a subconscious passive-aggressive manipulative move. Yes, over apologizing has a "shadow" side.…

1
"It's not that important to me" - The sentence that will set you free 9:15

4y ago9:15

9:15

We've all been in this scenario: Your partner asks or remarks to you on something that you don't want to do. Since we're scared of disappointing them and want to avoid a fight, we "smokescreen" our truth and placate them. This often leads to heaviness, lack of play, mind reading, and tension. The solution? “IT'S THAT IMPORTANT TO ME.” In this talk,…

1
How to deal with "You're Too Much!" (Especially for Women) 10:31

4y ago10:31

10:31

How many of you have heard and internalized the feedback that you're "too much"? If so, how has that impacted your life? Every day we work with women (and sometimes men) who have internalized this limiting belief and its negative impact on their lives. In this talk, Galit and I breakdown the gains and losses of this core belief, through examples fr…

1
The Victim Competition - Where The Winner is the Biggest Loser 9:42

4y ago9:42

9:42

So often couples engage in an unconscious competition who is suffering more in the relationship. This dynamic results in more arguments, less vulnerability, and even a breakup. In this talk, Galit and I describe this dynamic, the reasons behind it, and the damage it creates. Examples are given from our marriage and the clinic. Practical tips will h…

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Why is it hard for us to believe change in our partners? The Natural/Fake Eithor 8:55

4y ago8:55

8:55

Why is it that when our partner tries to change their behavior, we so often shoot it down, claiming its "fake"? Because often we have this dichotomous thinking (Eithor) that if our partner doesn't do it naturally then they're faking it. But every new behavior will feel somewhat fake because if it was natural for us, we would've done it already! Wha…

1
How to stop constantly interpreting your partner negatively? 12:37

4y ago12:37

12:37

We all have tense periods where we tend to interpret anything and everything our partner says or does as negative, insulting, hurtful, or aggressive. The Gottman researchers call this dynamic N.S.O - negative sentiment override. This lethal dynamic has a snowball effect that is hard to stop, and can lead to deep resentment and breakup. In this talk…

1
The Potential State's Top Ten Tips for Dating 15:34

4y ago15:34

15:34

Dating today is not easy. Singles are getting tired and confused as to how to date in the 21st century, COVID, apps-filled era. Yet we believe the dating scene should be approached from a completely different angle: instead of going on dates, choose to see them as PLAY DATES, where your goal is to be yourself and fun. In this talk, Galit and I offe…

1
Mediocre (Maintenance) Sex Is Wonderful! 7:36

4y ago7:36

7:36

The media puts a lot of pressure on us to have wonderful, multi-orgasm, wall-socket sex. But in reality, in a committed long-term relationship, mediocre (maintenance) sex is inevitable. This causes many couples (especially men) to avoid sex and even doubt their relationship. In this talk, Galit and I unpack the truth about maintenance sex and share…

1
The Intimacy Queen/King and The disabled Handicapped dynamic 8:38

4y ago8:38

8:38

Do you feel like you are more emotionally intelligent and somewhat superior in your intimacy skills than your partner? Do you feel like your partner is nagging you and never happy with the level of communication and feelings you express? If you answered yes, then you might be in the Intimacy Queen/King and Emotionally Disabled dynamic. This dynamic…

1
Yelling and Being Passionate - What's the difference? 12:00

4y ago12:00

12:00

For many of us yelling is a sensitive issue. We inherit from our families of origin certain beliefs and attitudes about yelling. Yet sometimes, yelling is a sublimatory expression of feelings, frustrations, or even excitement. What is the difference then? How can we distinguish and work with yelling? In this talk, Galit and I unpack this topic thro…

1
What Kind of Sorry is This? 6:48

4y ago6:48

6:48

We say sorry all the time (or not enough) in our intimate relationships. But often we confuse between the different types of 'sorry' we use. This often leads to more conflict and stress than forgiveness and closeness. In this talk, Galit and I share the four types of Sorry we've distilled in our life together, using examples from our life. Practica…

1
Don't Miss the Point of Disappointment. 10:01

4y ago10:01

10:01

People are different and so misunderstandings and ruptures are unavoidable. Therefore, disappointments are natural and unavoidable. Many of us avoid expressing and hearing of our partner's disappointment with us. This usually stems from a fear that disappointment leads to abandonment. Yet disappointment is actually a wonderful tool for individual a…

1
Sensory Preferences - Your Idiosyncratic Map of the World 13:01

4y ago13:01

13:01

We all react to our MAP of the world and not the objective world. In NLP we say: The map is not the territory. Our map of the world is shaped by our sensory preference (visual, auditory, kinesthetic, audio-digital). Conflicts and tensions in relationships stem from differences in sensory preferences. Learning to recognize your own and other's maps …

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Ambition - The Forbidden Feeling (especially for women) 6:20

4+ y ago6:20

6:20

A lot of us were taught that "wanting is dangerous" therefore we develop a core belief that "ambition is dangerous" and we either avoid being ambitious or alternatively feel guilty for being ambitious. But Ambition is a healthy feeling that can help you live the life you've always wanted. In this talk, I break down ambition, and through examples fr…

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Curiosity - The Cure for Judgement and Boredom in Your Relationship and Life 8:56

4+ y ago8:56

8:56

We all get bored and judgmental in our life and our relationship. This is a natural effect of growing older. Yet it is possible to prevent these feelings. How? Curiosity. In this talk, I explain how curiosity can prevent and minimize boredom and judgment, through examples from the clinic and my life. Practical tips will help you increase your curio…

1
Keeping Score - No One Ever Wins. 8:34

4+ y ago8:34

8:34

It's natural to keep score in our intimate relationship. Yet if it's too rigid it can limit your personal and relational growth. In this talk, I explain why this happens and how to change it through examples from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tips will help you soften the scorekeeping in your life, so both partners can start winning. w…

1
Responsible or Playful? Yes! 6:11

4+ y ago6:11

6:11

In each Eithor episode, we tackle a different core dichotomy that limits people's growth. Most of us have a core belief that we can either be playful or responsible. We inherit this core belief from our families of origin and enact it in our lives. This either/or dichotomy (What we call an EITHOR - an internal golem that limits you) hurts your abil…

1
Secrets - The Quicksand That Keeps You Small 8:34

4+ y ago8:34

8:34

We all have secrets. That's natural. But what limits our growth and relationships is the shame and guilt they cause. But what can we do about it? In this talk, I share the ways in which secrets can hurt your development and prevent your intimate relationships from deepening. Examples are given from the clinic and my life. Practical tips are given h…

1
What is Your Love Language? 11:08

4+ y ago11:08

11:08

We all have a love tank. When it's empty we feel unloved, angry, lonely, and become passive-aggressive. In short, empty love tank=bad relationships. The secret to a good relationship is filling up each other's love tank. How do you do it? Firstly, you must recognize what you and your partner's love language is. Then you must learn how to speak in t…

1
The key to your joy is in your pain. 6:38

4+ y ago6:38

6:38

Most of us try to avoid deep feelings of pain, anguish, and despair. Yet by blocking those dark feelings (which I call the 1-3 feelings) you are also blocking your ability to feel deep ecstasy, joy, and elation. In this talk, I explain why the key to your deep joy is in your pain, through examples from the clinic and my personal life. Practical tip…

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"Give me more!" - Make a 'more' space in your life. 6:20

4+ y ago6:20

6:20

"There's no comfort in the growth zone and no growth in the comfort zone." Do people in your life want more from you? Are they excited and invested in your development and growth? Most of us don't have a 'more' space in our lives where we are challenged to evolve and mature by the people around us. In this talk I explain why having a 'more' space i…

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