I’ll say it, listener: you don’t have to beware. You are not, in fact, in for a scare. We talk about Goosebumps, and only one of us has read Goosebumps books! Is Jack Black engaging enough to draw Tony in when he has no context for what’s going on, or is this movie just for the true fans? Meanwhile, Andy provided the footnotes on all the monsters, …

I still think “Two Dogs Go to Hell” would have been a better title. I really like this one. We lose our minds a little bit, and the tangents are top tier, ranging from rhino songs to catholic holidays to finding out popular guide dog breeds. Oh, we also talk about a movie. Our theme music is Homeward by Scott Buckley. Find us on the Internet! Email…

You can tell that a movie is weird when the episode is almost two hours long. This movie has it all: weird fetishy stuff, dogs with guns, murder, denying Christ in your heart, a loveable orphan, just everything, really. Our theme music is Homeward by Scott Buckley. Find us on the Internet! Email is mail@directto.video Youtube channel is Direct to V…

Yeah, that... that's a weirdly placed exclamation point. Do you know who else uses exclamation points? Tim Curry! (Perfect segue.) We get a lot of good stuff from this move: a small town that tries and fails to be sinister, Scooby and Shaggy being gluttons to a truly unpleasant degree, and the Hex Girls! One of them is one-sixteenth wiccan. This is…

We've never managed a Halloween episode, and we're not starting now! Join us on a terrifying island where the zombies are the least of your problems! Listen to Andy's Scooby-Doo impression! Gasp out loud at the monster reveal! Consider that there are more confederate soldiers than strictly necessary for this kind of film. Our theme music is Homewar…

I'm hating that title more and more as time goes on. Remember when we watched good movies? Well, this time we didn't. Patrick Warburton is trying his best, Hayden Panettiere was did okay, and Glenn Close is, I'll say it, asleep at the wheel. Don't forget to pledge to A Summer of Sci-Fi & Fantasy: Vol 3 Kickstarter! Our theme music is Homeward by Sc…

I'm sure we're all just ecstatic to be talking about the most hideous 3d animation ever conceived of again. At least this time, there's a good story behind it. Oh, wait, I'm reviewing the footage, and I can't even say that in jest. Welp, here's a movie. Don't forget to pledge to A Summer of Sci-Fi & Fantasy: Vol 3 Kickstarter! Our theme music is Ho…

Remember when Disney decided they were going to put their 2d animation out to pasture, but decided to give it one last ride? Well, this is what they made. And it sure was... a moovie. This episode is not as punny as that description would suggest. Our theme music is Homeward by Scott Buckley. Find us on the Internet! Email is mail@directto.video Yo…

This might be the least we've ever talked about a movie! I'm pretty sure we only named two characters! I'm also pretty sure Disney is a company full of cowards who won't let a group of bears play the jug in their terrible movie! that's right, I've got opinions! Strong opinions! Strong, weird opinions! I've been doing the descriptions more freeform …

Well, it’s that time of year again. There’s a lot of Christmas specials on this nondenominational podcast. And this is our second year in a row with Disney shorts! Spoiler: don’t watch this movie. Our theme music is Ukulele for Christmas by Lee Rosevere Find us on the Internet! Email is mail@directto.video Youtube channel is Direct to Video Podcast…

This episode we watched The Land Before Time II - The Great Valley Adventure and The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Island. One of them held up! You will immediately know which one. In any case, Chomper is the best. No notes on his performance. Our theme music is Homeward by Scott Buckley. Find us on the Internet! Email is mail@directto.video Y…

We’re back! And we’re ready and raring to talk about a real boring movie where basically nothing happens for a while and then it’s over. he end. Our theme music is Homeward by Scott Buckley. Find us on the Internet! Email is mail@directto.video Youtube channel is Direct to Video Podcast Andy’s other podcast is Time Honored Pictures Tony is @theater…

Time to talk about everyone’s favorite “character who is technically a Disney princess now, but only in the same way that Jack Kirby is a Disney legend:” Anastasia! (Technically this description also applies to Princess Leia and probably a character in Avatar.) We do talk a bit about how Disney owns everything now, and how it’s legitimately unsettl…

Wow, it almost sounds like Tony forgot to adjust his levels before recording. Hmm… This episode, we reviewed the one Disney sequel only available on vhs: Hercules: Zero to Hero! Was it a fun romp through a Saturday morning cartoon version of Greek myth, or was it a bunch of cobbled together mythology references with barely any plot to keep them mov…

New music, new… season? Anyway, I’m trying a new format in the descriptions. I was bored, sue me. We talk about Disney’s Hercules! It’s definitely a mess, but is is a charming mess or an infuriating one? We… boy we argue on that point. The good news is, we also manage to talk about important stuff, like Kingdom Hearts, terrible 90s CGI, GOOD 90s CG…

The least sexy episode 69 ever. Important questions: What was that twenty minute fake out about? Where is the Wikimedia Zone? Was this whole series Andy’s fault? Keep an ear out for Andy and Tony pledging to never watch another of Richard Rich’s trash movies again. Our theme music is Planet E by Lee Rosevere Find us on the Internet! Email is mail@d…

Oh, no! We watched a terrible romcom and accidentally released it as a Valentine’s Day episode! Important questions: Did the animation get worse? How many movies is this movie? When will law enforcement figure out this tax scam? Keep an ear out for the sound of two people who are well and truly warn down by a terrible series. Our theme music is Pla…

Just in case you didn't get enough of us this year. Important questions: Why are Hewey, Dewey, and Louie so terrible? Are Max and Goofy Codependent? Did Andy... cut out tangents?? Keep an ear out for Tony armchair diagnosing Goofy and Andy condemning us to revisiting a classic series. Our theme music is The instrumental version of A Ukulele for Chr…

I cannot believe how palatable the gargoyles are in this movie. Important questions: Why put gems inside a bell? Why is Madeline such a nothing character? Is Quasimodo an incel? Keep an ear out for Tony having nostalgia for something stupid and Andy busts out his Nic Cage impression. Our theme music is Planet E by Lee Rosevere Find us on the Intern…

I, for one, love murder, lust, and genocide as key parts of my G-rated kids movies. Important questions: What makes a monster and what makes a man? Who is the protagonist of this movie? Is Quasimodo too ugly to love? Keep an ear out for Andy taking issue with a quite good song and Tony taking issue with the existence of the gargoyles. Our theme mus…

This one might have taken like two months to edit because of real life being actively terrible, but we're back! Important questions: Why wasn't this movie fun? Why is Boots the bet character/robot/broken plot device? Mistakes: bad? Keep an ear out for Andy acting like he's not a nerd right before he admits to seeing Star Trek by himself on Valentin…

A story about a space cop fighting his dad. Important questions: Who will betray Buzz in the final act!? Who is the most nineties character in this movie? Why are the little green men charming? Keep an ear out for Andy and Tony talking about Star Wars again, but this time it's thematic! Our theme music is Planet E by Lee Rosevere Find us on the Int…

There are a nonzero amount of dogs barking on this recording, am I'm choosing to call that “thematic.” Important questions: Is Harry a cop? Does Pikachu hate cops? How much Star Wars talk did I have to cut? Keep an ear out for Andy and Tony each getting obsessive about different twists. Our theme music is Planet E by Lee Rosevere Find us on the Int…

Back to the nineties. Back to the heyday of one of the most popular franchises ever. Back... to the future. (Because there's maybe time travel.) Important questions: What's Mewtwo's motivation? Why does Christian soft rock start playing? Who is the Voyager? Keep an ear out for Tony criticizing voice actor performances, and Andy getting deep into th…

I hope you had “trivialized a mental disorder” on your bad movie bingo cards, because we sure didn't! Important questions: What's with all the ghost stuff? Did the music get... better? When did Number Nine get cool again? Keep an ear out for the CRAZY TWIST that you can turn letters sideways. Our theme music is Planet E by Lee Rosevere Find us on t…

New year, same old terrible series. I deeply regret returning to this poisoned well. Important questions: Does anyone watch these movies? Why is Spider-Man acting so stupid? What is the worst plan in this film? Keep an ear out for the triumphant(?) return of Number Nine. Our theme music is Planet E by Lee Rosevere Find us on the Internet! Email is …

All right, one last time before the end of the year, let's finish a series. Important questions: Could they have more blatantly gotten Robin Williams back? How racist are the forty thieves? In what myriad of ways does Cassim suck? Keep an ear out for Andy referring to Cassim as a “daddy” and Tony refusing to acknowledge it. Thanks to Lee Rosevere f…

This is where it all began. The glitz! The glamor! The multiple songs sung by Gilbert Gottfried! Important questions: Why is the Genie terrible now? Why doesn’t the movie start for thirty minutes? Is “You’d be surprised what you can live through,” a good line? Keep an ear out for no less than three cats trying to ruin this recording! Our theme musi…

We finally made it. It's over. This episode, we watch Disneytoons die. Important questions: What's the deal with these terrible cops? Does Andy have a stuffed Neverbeast now? Why did Fawn becomeTinkerbell? Content note: I did cut the ten minute rant about how Disney kills queer media but still wants the credit for doing the bare minimum for acknowl…

This episode was pretty badly desynced until recently, but it's fixed now!Back from hiatus and better than—oh, no we're still in Neverland! Important questions: What does pixie dust do? Is science evil? Does Zarina wanna make out with Captain Hook? Keep an ear out for the potential genocide of the winter fairies. Our theme music is…

I know I said I wanted the magic of Neverland back. I was wrong. Important questions: What is the most ridiculous piece of lore that these movies can keep repeating? What's the Keeper's name? Why are air conditioners bad for the environment? Keep an ear out for vivid descriptions of a bunch of new characters that will never be seen again. Our theme…

Did you want to go back to the wonder and magic of Neverland? TOO BAD! Important questions: When is Tinkerbell going to get to drive a car? Shouldn't that guy have a moustache? Is Cheese getting to old for this? Keep an ear out for another Tinkerbell movie that fails to have a coherent moral. Our theme music is…

Nothing says “we created a wondrous magical country” like “let's immediately leave.” Important questions: Why is Mole the hero of this movie? Is Kida the villain of this movie!? Is Sweet even in this movie!?!? Keep an ear out for World War I, just around the corner. Our theme music isKirjoittanut Andres Reyes and Tony Robusto

Back into celebrating imperialism and white-saviorism! Good going, Disney. Important questions: What other movies does this movie want to be? How could Dr. Sweet have been a better character? How did movies like this kill Disney's 2D animation? Keep an ear out for the removal of TWENTY FULL MINUTES about the fall of American animation. Thanks to Le…

So, you all heard the content warning, right? Because YEESH. Important questions: Why are some women not white and conventionally attractive? Why does this movie ask that question? Holy shit. Keep an ear out for us talking about anything other than this movie, because it was so deeply miserable to contemplate. Thanks to Lee Rosevere for…

In the dark, gritty world of early oughts cgi, one man make a brief, valiant attempt to do something with the Universal movie monsters. Important questions: Are there kinds of active besides “stoic” and “over the top? No. Why is Anna so bad at killing monsters? How many people get roofied in this movie? Keep an ear out for the “shocking twist” that…

All right, I'll just say it: I'm not proud of how long it took to edit this. Important questions: What's the importance of a black superhero? What does this movie take from other movies, and does it improve those themes? Is everyone okay this year? Keep an ear out for Andy and Tony believing that this one won't take almost two months to release. Ou…

The next series we do, there will be NO talk of imperialism! Important questions: What century is this? Why was this episode such a misery to record? What in the everloving Hell is wrong with Tarzan's feet? Keep an ear out for... man, I dunno. A better movie, hopefully. Our theme music isKirjoittanut Andres Reyes and Tony Robusto

I'd like to apologize for being almost comically unable to do actual work for the better part of a month, but here's the episode -- Tony Important questions: Is Phil Collins a good performer? What is the theme of this movie? Who's Clayton? Keep an ear out for questions of racism and feminism that are very on brand for us at this point. Our theme mu…

Maybe, during this time of isolation and fear, you'd like to join us in revisiting a simpler world. One that, admittedly, ALSO doesn't make sense. Important questions: Will we talk for another four hours about this curse? Why does the Beast suck now? How many shorts are in this movie? Keep an ear out for random, surprisingly clear birdsongs from ou…

This is only like the second trilogy we've every done, but trilogies hurt. Important questions: What is Floubder's characterization? Should Ariel run away from home? What are mermaid sisters like? Keep an ear out for a three minute discussion about electric eels. Our theme music isKirjoittanut Andres Reyes and Tony Robusto

Time to get back to our roots: watching movies that are exactly like other movies, but worse. Important questions: Why is everyone making poor decisions? How can a fish go bald? Who has become the biggest sitcom dad? Keep an ear out for Tony constantly questioning Ariel's decision making skills and Andy describing the plot of “Magic Kid,” or “Littl…

We're finally doing it! We get to find out what makes a mermaid tick, explore the nineties Disney renaissance, and talk about feminism! It's very us. Important questions: What did Howard Ashman do for this movie? Who is the scariest Disney dad? How badly does everyone want Eric to get married? Keep an ear out for Andy derailing us to talk about Ash…

Our new season continues! Life's gonna be like strawberry sherbet. Important questions: Can a bad movie be a good pilot? How much cuter did Pascal get? What is gained and lost in a shift to classical animation? Keep an ear out for Andy being mad that Eugene is shoved to the side, and Tony analyzing frying pan attacks. Our theme music is…

New year, new season, new format! Let's talk about hair. Important questions: What makes Tangled feel like a classicly animated film? Why is Mother Gothel such a good abuser? Would Pascal Kill? Keep an ear out for Andy making the most of an opportunity to talk about one of his favorite movies, while Tony talks about the tv series. Our theme music i…

One last rambling, low energy podcast episode before the year ends! Why not? Important questions: What are the worst Christmas songs? What are the best Christmas movies? Why can we never stay on topic? Keep an ear out for Andy being a Grinch and Tony editing out beeps. Even though we thanked Lee Rosevere for Planet E, our music this time is actuall…

Oh, yes. It's happening. Our blood feud with Richard Rich continues. Important questions: Is Odette a lesbian? Are Odette and Derek bad parents? How and why do these movies keep getting made!?!? Keep an ear out for Tony fawning over David Lodge and Andy tearing the facade off this obvious tax scam. Our theme music is…

Time to find that rainbow connection! Join us as we chase our dreams of stardom with some of the most lovable and relatable characters in the western canon. Important questions: What is the most exciting cameo in these movies? Why are the Muppets always poor? Why would your brother join you on a date? Keep an ear out for Andy's harrowing story of b…

Time for an extra-long Halloween episode! Let's pretend that was on purpose, and not us completely failing to keep track of all of our wasted time. Important questions: How long does it take to forget the name Uncle Fester? How gladly would we feast on those that would subdue us? Why do we keep coming across weird Native American stuff? Keep an ear…

Kirjoittanut Andres Reyes and Tony Robusto