Being A Better Man podcast

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Lisätty three vuotta sitten

Sisällön tarjoaa Alf Herigstad. Alf Herigstad tai sen podcast-alustan kumppani lataa ja toimittaa kaiken podcast-sisällön, mukaan lukien jaksot, grafiikat ja podcast-kuvaukset. Jos uskot jonkun käyttävän tekijänoikeudella suojattua teostasi ilman lupaasi, voit seurata tässä https://fi.player.fm/legal kuvattua prosessia.

In Her Ellement

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Navigating Career Pivots and Grit with Milo’s Avni Patel Thompson 26:18

16 päivää sitten26:18

Toista Myöhemmin

Listat

Tykkää

Tykätty

26:18

How do you know when it’s time to make your next big career move? With International Women’s Day around the corner, we are excited to feature Avni Patel Thompson, Founder and CEO of Milo. Avni is building technology that directly supports the often overlooked emotional and logistical labor that falls on parents—especially women. Milo is an AI assistant designed to help families manage that invisible load more efficiently. In this episode, Avni shares her journey from studying chemistry to holding leadership roles at global brands like Adidas and Starbucks, to launching her own ventures. She discusses how she approaches career transitions, the importance of unpleasant experiences, and why she’s focused on making everyday life easier for parents. [01:26] Avni's University Days and Early Career [04:36] Non-Linear Career Paths [05:16] Pursuing Steep Learning Curves [11:51] Entrepreneurship and Safety Nets [15:22] Lived Experiences and Milo [19:55] Avni’s In Her Ellement Moment [20:03] Reflections Links: Avni Patel Thompson on LinkedIn Suchi Srinivasan on LinkedIn Kamila Rakhimova on LinkedIn Ipsos report on the future of parenting About In Her Ellement: In Her Ellement highlights the women and allies leading the charge in digital, business, and technology innovation. Through engaging conversations, the podcast explores their journeys—celebrating successes and acknowledging the balance between work and family. Most importantly, it asks: when was the moment you realized you hadn’t just arrived—you were truly in your element? About The Hosts: Suchi Srinivasan is an expert in AI and digital transformation. Originally from India, her career includes roles at trailblazing organizations like Bell Labs and Microsoft. In 2011, she co-founded the Cleanweb Hackathon, a global initiative driving IT-powered climate solutions with over 10,000 members across 25+ countries. She also advises Women in Cloud, aiming to create $1B in economic opportunities for women entrepreneurs by 2030. Kamila Rakhimova is a fintech leader whose journey took her from Tajikistan to the U.S., where she built a career on her own terms. Leveraging her English proficiency and international relations expertise, she discovered the power of microfinance and moved to the U.S., eventually leading Amazon's Alexa Fund to support underrepresented founders. Subscribe to In Her Ellement on your podcast app of choice to hear meaningful conversations with women in digital, business, and technology.…

Being A Better Man

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This show is about the character of men rather than the trappings of manhood. We will discuss the challenges men face from day to day, relationships, and personal accountability. We will talk about the finer points of manhood, and what it means to be a man in these modern times. It is all designed to lead up to a decision; the decision to be a better man today, than we were yesterday.

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#Tech #Fitness #Podcasting Education #Alf Herigstad

Being A Better Man

updated 7 vuotta sitten

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Sarjan koti•Feed

234 jaksoa

#Tech #Fitness #Podcasting Education #Alf Herigstad

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Being A Better Man

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235 – The Return…With guest Les Moore 38:17

7 years sitten38:17

38:17

The Return! With special guest, Les Moore. That’s right guy’s, I’m back! It has been almost three whole months since I have released a new podcast. The last episode, number 234 went live on September 18th. Since then my life got a little crazy and I had some unfortunate technical challenges to overcome. During this three month Hiatus I have made a lot of observations, I have gained many insights, and I have continued on the path of being a better man than I was yesterday. I plan to share these insights with you in upcoming episodes. Today however, for my first episode back in a while we have a special guest who is going to share his personal story with us. This interview has been scheduled for about three months as well. In fact we sat down and recorded it one day several weeks ago and that was when I realized that my technology was not working…it didn’t record. Now thankfully, that issue is resolved and and I am finally able to share this inspiring interview with you. This guest started out as a listener of of this show and I noticed him pretty early on for two reasons. One, because he was always liking things and leaving some comments and two, because he had kind of an unusual name that I really liked. Being named Alf all my life, I kind of have a thing for unusual, clever names, I appreciate them. This persons name was Les Moore. Get it? Less…more? Anyway, He and I had a few interactions over the course of time and one day he sent me a letter really explaining what he has been up to. When I heard his story I knew immediately that he should be a guest on the show because he epitomizes what we are trying to do here at Being A Better Man. Les Moore hails from Pennsylvania. He is a 47 year old married father of two daughters. In January of 2014 Les decided that he wasn’t totally happy with himself for reasons I’ll let him explain. He made a decision that would alter the course of not only his own life, but also the lives of his wife and daughters and probably everyone else that knew him. Les Moore decided to become a healthy, vital, man. When he made this decision he weighed 234 pounds. He was on prescriptions for high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Today he weighs 185 pounds, that means he lost 62 pounds of fat, and he is totally off all prescriptions. His blood pressure and cholesterol are normal. Not only that, Les decided to go the extra mile and do the work it took to become an International Sports Sciences Association certified fitness professional. That’s right, Les became a personal trainer and he is training people in his home studio. One of my favorite parts of Les’ story is that he did something I always talk about here; he became an example for his entire family. He became such an example that he inspired his wife Lori to get into the gym and she has lost a staggering 130 pounds as well. There are some things I want you to pay special attention to in this interview: Les’ motivation, the reason he made this decision to become healthy. What is the biggest payoff Les has noticed. Process goals vs. Outcome goals. Advice for the holiday’s Les’ personal message to all of you out there who may want to make a change. Here is a picture of Les, before and after his transformation. From 234 pounds to 185 pounds. Contact Les: Here are links to hook up with Les and ask him questions, or take advantage of his on-line services. He offered to be a resource…so take him up on it. https://m.facebook.com/les.moore.7906 http://www.issacertifiedtrainer.com/lesmoore lesnbj@yahoo.com Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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234 – Errors In Judgement, and How To Handle Them 12:02

8 years sitten12:02

12:02

Errors In Judgement, and How To Handle Them… Todays program is being brought to you by Stump Town Kilts! they are the makers of the finest kilts available. They are a sponsor of this show because I am a loyal customer of this company and i am happy to stand behind them with my name and reputation. I own three of these kilts and I plan on getting more. Everything about these kilts is top notch; the innovative design, the craftsmanship, the color selection and even the price. I wear them everywhere, doing everything. They are rugged enough for hard work and still nice enough for an evening on the town. Because you are listening to this podcast, you are in luck! You are entitled to a substantial discount by being a Being A Better Man listener. All you have to do is go to their website at: stumptownkilts.com . After you pick out your new kilt just enter the code: betterman at checkout, all lower case, all one word. Do that, and you will become the ecstatic owner of a new Stump Town kilt, at a discounted price. Check them out today at stumptownkilts.com . This week I got a letter from a listener named Kyle. Kyle was wondering if I would talk about something specific, that being; overcoming failure in your life. The kind of failure Kyle was talking about is the same kind of failure each of us have experienced in one way or another. I’m not talking about big things like failing to pass the bar exam or failing to become a millionaire by the time you are 30. No, I’m talking about those little everyday failures. The kinds of things that make you feel regret about who you are and what kind of man you are being. The example Kyle used in his letter was from his own experience. He had been doing well with all of the goals he had set for himself and then one day he went to a casino. He proceeded to get drunk and spend way too much money, he gambled with family money, went home to his wife drunk, and then did the same thing the following day. In his own words, he “made a fool of himself”. We have all done things that we regret after the fact. Maybe you cheated on your wife, or cheated on a test at school? Perhaps you acted inappropriately at an office party? Maybe you let someone down who was really counting on you? You may have treated someone badly for no reason, and now you regret it? There are countless scenarios I could recite and eventually I would get around to that thing you have done. I’ve already named some of the things I have done. Look, none of us are perfect and we are going to make mistakes. We will have errors in judgement. The listener who posed this question, Kyle, refers to these as failures, and he wants to know how you should deal with these things as a man, and how to overcome them. It’s a great question, but right off the bat I’m going to change the wording. I personally don’t like using the word failure in my vocabulary. Some years ago I realized that every so called ‘failure’ was also an opportunity to improve. Failure has such negative connotation. If you go around thinking of yourself as a failure then you will continue to fail—at least that’s my opinion on it. I prefer to call these types of things mistakes, or errors in judgement. Some mistakes are way bigger and have more consequences than others but at the end of the day…it was still an error in judgement that led to it. So, how should we deal with ourselves when we have committed one of these egregious mistakes, and how can we overcome them? In answer to that question I’ll point out that there are two kinds of people in the world. There are people that keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. Then there are people that make a mistake once or twice, and learn from the experience. The people that learn from the experience don’t make that mistake again. They will go on to make other mistakes because they are human—but they won’t make that one again. There are several things that you should definitely NOT do when you make a horrible mistake. I’ll list a few of those here. You should not justify it in any way. By justifying I mean making excuses so that it doesn’t seem as bad as it is. Some people justify their bad behavior by pointing out other people bad behavior, as though that make it OK. It doesn’t. Do not try to justify your bad behavior. Some guys will become so riddled with guilt and shame over a bad mistake that they aren’t any good for themselves or anyone else. This is extremely counter productive…so don’t do that. Don’t try to cover it up. Covering it up doesn’t make it go away. It will eat at you like poison because you know what you have done. In the meantime, while you are basting in the guilt of your actions, you have become less of a man. Do not blame anyone else or any circumstance or anything for your mistake. It’s your mistake. You are in complete charge of your actions and anything you do is your fault. Ok, that’s the short list of what NOT to do. Now here is what I think you should do when you make this kind of mistake. There isn’t a list because there is only one item. It’s really simple. When you make this kind of mistake or error in judgement, you should own it. Everything you do becomes part of who you are. If you make a mistake just own it, admit it, be honest about exactly what you did that was incorrect regardless of the consequences. The consequences are yours, they are your property and they belong to you. Part of owning your misdeed is accepting the consequences of your actions like a man. Some consequences are horrible, like losing your whole family, divorce, bankruptcy, prison, public humiliation, even death. The list goes on and on. What I’m telling you is that if you want to be a better man you cannot avoid the consequences for your actions. If you have that mindset, it may make a difference in how you make decisions going forward. You may actually be inclined to make fewer of these horrible kinds of mistakes if you believe that everything you do becomes part of who you are along with the consequences. Many mistakes are not so horrible though. They are like bumps in the road and these are the kinds of mistakes most people make regularly. The same rules apply, you have to own the things you do. These more minor mistakes are where I see the most opportunity though. It’s almost impossible to improve or move forward without making mistakes along the way. Every one of these mistakes is a huge opportunity to learn and grow as a man. That’s the second part of my answer to Kyle. He asked how do you overcome these things. My answer is simply to own them, and learn by them. If you are in that second category of people who learn from your mistakes then you are already overcoming them. If you keep making the same mistakes over and over again then you either need professional help, or you need to wake up and realize that there is another way to do life. I’ll be honest with you, I have been where Kyle was. I have disappointed people in my life that mattered. In my life I have said and done things that there was no excuse for, I’m no saint. However, I did have the capacity to learn from these things and ultimately, many of the mistakes I have made have caused me to become a better man than I was before. Because I paid attention, I learned, and I chose to be better, but it all starts with owning the things you do. I hope that answered your question Kyle. If you have a question for me I would love to hear it. There is a form here at the website, or you can just write me an email at: alf@beingbetter.men . That’s it for today guys, now head out into the world and remember that everything you do and say becomes part of who you are. We are the sum total of all our experience, and that includes the not so great stuff. If you own the things you do and learn from them, you will become a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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233 – There Are Always Options 14:28

8 years sitten14:28

14:28

There Are Always Options… After a very long period of silence It is I, Alf Herigstad, back at the Being A Better Man Microphone. It feels really great to be back. It seems like a very long time since I recorded an episode and in reality it has been exactly 3 weeks. 21 days since I have released an episode. That is the longest absence I have ever had and I was a little worried about what the consequences would be. I was concerned that everyone would just go away and listenership would plummet. I’m happy to report that during my absence 8,476 people still listened to the podcast. That’s awesome. Thank you all for hanging in there. As I told you in the last episode, the reason for my absence is that I was going to the Burning Man festival with my wife, father, and uncle. I was going to be separated from technology for a while because I was going to be camping out in the Nevada desert. Now I am back though, and I have some stories to tell. Some insights to share. The first thing I want to report is that we had an amazing time. It was a fantastic experience with my dad and uncle who are both in their 80’s. We saw epic art and we witnessed extreme cases of human innovation. We met people from many countries and made a lot of new friends. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbow’s though. There were some hard lessons to learn as well on this adventure. Hard lessons are the best kind, because they teach you the most. Before I continue with the rest of this episode I want you to take a wild guess about what I was wearing the whole time I was gone. That’s right! I was wearing Stump Town kilts…what else? I took my black kilt and my green kilt to burning man with me, and I trashed them. The black one was especially destroyed. When I got home it was no longer black. It had become so impregnated with dust and dirt that it was gray. I thought it would never be the same but after it came out of the wash it looked black and beautiful again. I’m telling you guys, these are the best kilts out there. They are durable beyond measure, comfortable, and the unique design makes them extraordinarily useful as well. Stump Town Kilts happens to be a sponsor of this show and if you go to their website: stumptownkilts.com and pick out your new kilt you can receive 10% off your entire purchase by entering the code: betterman, at checkout. All lower case, all one word. Check them out today at stumptownkilts.com and enter the code betterman to receive your discount. The overriding lesson I learned from this experience is also the title of this podcast; “There Are Always Options”. As I go on you will understand what I mean by that. The plan was that my wife, dad and I would drive down from Washington to meet my uncle in Reno and then head up to the event. We were in a 2004 Dodge Grand caravan and it was loaded well beyond capacity with all of our provisions. Even the top was stacked up with about three feet of stuff. You need to take a lot of stuff to a thing like this because nothing is provided for you. All of your infrastructure, food, water and other supplies are up to you. Anyway, we were happily making our way towards Reno with no problems until we where about 20 miles from our destination. That’s when our car threw a rod. It started knocking like crazy and lost power. We coasted down a mountain and limped into the hotel parking lot where my uncle waited. We got a mechanic to come and give us an official diagnosis. After looking at it he said the worst thing that he could have said. He said we needed a new engine. So there we were, 670 miles from home with a car that needed a new engine. Not to mention all the stuff that was packed into that car. Our hearts sunk…we didn’t know what we were going to do. That is when I first started repeating the phrase that there are always options. I was very concerned…don’t get me wrong. I thought we might be in a world of crap but I also knew I had to keep my spirits up. I knew there were options and until we explored every one it was way too early to throw in the towel. We got on the internet and started looking for adequate replacement vehicles we could buy locally. We found some, but they were all way out of our budget. We drove around in my uncles pickup to several car lots and got the same result. Then my dad and uncle had a suggestion. They suggested we go to the local junk yard and see what they had for sale, because they sold cars too. I was dubious, as was my wife. Buying a car from a junkyard would have never entered our minds…but, it was one of the options that came up. I had been chanting the fact that there were always options, there was always a solution to every situation and since this option presented itself, I had to explore it. We went to the junkyard and every car for sale there was about $1,000. We quickly ruled out several of them because they obviously wouldn’t work. There was one car there that I found interesting though. It was a 2003 Windstar mini van. Essentially the same size and configuration as our broken car. We started it up and it seemed to run fine. The inside seemed clean and besides being low on brake fluid, we really couldn’t find anything wrong with it. We decided to buy that car after talking them down to $750. We transferred all the stuff from our old car to the new one and continued on our journey to Burning Man, we only lost one day on our itinerary. We donated our old car to the same junk yard. I gotta tell you, it was a bit stressful. Now we were driving straight out into the desert in a car we bought from a junk yard. We didn’t know if we would make it or not. All we had was hope in that moment. Hope, and the knowledge that whatever happened…there would still be options. Magically, the car made it to the festival without a hitch. We parked and set up our amazing camp and enjoyed the next few days as though nothing had happened. It truly was an amazing few days. We got to show my dad and uncle stuff they had never seen before. I got to hear stories from them I had never heard and I told some stories they had never heard. It was a once in a lifetime unique experience that I am very grateful for. The thing about big experiences like this is that it’s hard to put it in words. It’s very difficult to explain something that was so big and complex. You cannot simultaneously recount every great thing that happened or explain every profound moment. It takes a bit of time to sort it all out—to process it in your mind. I’ve been home about four days now. Yes, that junkyard car brought us safely all the way back home and I have been doing some very diligent processing. I’m going to share the results of some of this high level pondering with you right now. The main thing I came up with is that the stars of this whole experience were my dad Ron, and his brother Bob. These guys were amazing. Throughout my entire car crisis they never lost a step. They stayed calm and upbeat, they were certain it would all work out. Nothing rattled their cage. They continued to joke and laugh and simply live in the moment regardless of what was going on around them. Early in the festival the air conditioner quit working in my uncles RV and it was 107 degrees outside. No problem…they would just drink more water. I was proud to go with them into other camps and watch people admire their story and appreciate them for the men that they were. I could see the admiration in the eyes of others as these two old guys dressed like cowboy’s just made friends everywhere they went. It was all about Ron and Bob…I was just the nephew or the son, and I was happy to be. Watching these guys reaffirmed in me that there is literally nothing in life worth getting upset over. In 80 plus years they have seen it all; tragedy, victory, pain, glory, triumph, death and life. They reminded me that the world keeps spinning around regardless of what we do. Getting bent out of shape about something does not change the outcome, so we may as well be as happy as we can in the meantime. I have said before on this show that I continue to learn from my father, he continues to be my mentor and my example of what manhood is. Now, being in the presence of these two brothers during this experience has made that statement even more true. At 55 years old I still have so much to learn from my elders. Regardless of your age or your station in life don’t forget that. You still have much to learn. We all still have so much to learn and the ones to teach us are those who have already gone through it. So I encourage everyone to seek out the wisdom of men older than you. Wether they are family, a neighbor, or someone you meet on the street—take the time to hear them. Take advantage of their stories and experience and put it to work in your own life. Utilizing the experience, wisdom, and knowledge of men older than you is a very effective human strategy, it has been working since our species began. It’s also another tool to use while you are being a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to check me out on Facebook and Twitter. Write me a letter at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me how much you missed me, or ask me a question or whatever you want, I love getting mail from you guys. Don’t forget to get my book either if you haven’t. Now head out into the world and be ready to appreciate the wisdom of the older gentleman who have already done the things you hope to do. Remember there are always options, and a bove all, keep on being a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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232 – Hate Makes It Impossible, To Be A Better Man 14:32

8 years sitten14:32

14:32

Hate Makes It Impossible, To Be A better Man… As many of you know, since starting this podcast some 232 episodes ago I have been very diligent about not getting political. I have not discussed politics or religion or anything else that tends to divide people. My reason for that is because I have always found it more beneficial to focus on things that make us similar to other people…rather than the things that make us different. I still believe that is true. For example, we are all men, regardless of what color we are or what political party we are aligned with or what Gods we pray to. At the end of the day, we are just human men, trying to be better than we were yesterday. Nothing positive has ever been gained from dividing people into groups based on these types of things. That is why I have steered away from this kind of thing and instead have been focused on manhood in such a way that it can apply to everyone. Well, today it may seem like I am veering from that course a bit. Today I will be making a very pointed observation about something going on right now. If it offends you, you are free to never listen to me again. If it offends you, then you are obviously not aligned with the message this podcast offers. I would add that if you are offended by today’s podcast to at least also give yourself the benefit of hearing me out. Before I get into all that I am going to take a minute to acknowledge the sponsor of today’s program, Stump Town Kilts. One thing I want you to know about these kilts is that they aren’t just clothes. They are not just another garment. In my personal experience these kilts are actually gear. What I mean is that they are built and designed to perform a job, and they do it very well. I have three of these kilts and I have beat them up. I live an active life and I tend to destroy things in record time, especially clothes…just ask my wife. I have put these three kilts through the stress test and still every time when I take them out of the washer they still look great. That’s what I mean by gear—they just keep on performing and looking great for everything I need them to do. It’s all because of the way they are crafted. Each kilt Stump Town makes is attended to by people who actually give a crap about what kind of product they are selling. Combine that with the innovative design and other features that are exclusive to Stump Town and you wind up with the best kilt available in my opinion. Right now you can get a substantial discount on your very own Stump Town Kilt simply by entering the code; betterman at checkout. All lower case, all one word. To get there, just type in stumptownkilts.com but whatever you do, remember to enter the code betterman at checkout. Ok, so now it’s time to talk about today’s topic. The reason I feel compelled to talk about it is because our country is in strife right now. For those of you listening from countries outside the US I’m sure you have heard of it as well. Our country is being divided—pulled apart. People are polarized to levels I have never seen in my lifetime. I am not going to talk about all the causes and all the various schools of thought though. Today I’m going to narrow it down to just one subject in particular because it deals directly with men. The character of men and the behavior of men. I just watched one of the many videos out there that show what was happening on the streets of Charlottesville VA. What I saw were grown men, cowardly men, striking a woman and knocking her down, spitting on her and screaming at her. I saw people being hit with objects and with fists and other acts of violence. All for no reason, other than the fact that the people they were hitting had a different opinion. Or they were a different color, or they were defending someone of a different color. The people responsible for the violence, to include the death of one woman who was ran over by a car, call themselves white nationalists. From what I understand that includes white supremacists of every stripe, Nazi’s, the ku klux klan, skin heads, and other such groups. From what I understand many of these groups were represented that day in Charlottesville. Many people in America are coming unhinged right now because after the tragic events that occurred the President gave a speech. In that speech he spoke out against hate in all of it’s forms, but he never directly denounced or condemned the actions of these violent demonstrators or called their groups out by name. When attacked for that he doubled down and defended his lack of condemnation. Then, two full days after the speech under huge political pressure—he finally called them by name. Some defenders of these violent hate groups are defending them by saying that are not Nazi’s, merely disaffected, frustrated white youth asserting themselves. That might wash it it were not for the Nazi slogans, rhetoric, and salutes. I’m not a news reporter. I’m not here to tell you what happened or what I think of it from a political perspective. I am just a guy who talks to men about trying to be better men. So I’m here to go on the record with my official statement about these hate groups. I condemn these groups, their agenda, and the actual people within these groups that use this agenda to cause harm to other humans. Furthermore, I believe these men are not actually men at all, not even the old ones. Rather I believe them to be ignorant, frustrated boys who for the first time in their pathetic life found a way to feel powerful by diminishing others. They are cowards. I’ll go on to say that if you are a white supremacist of any kind that it is impossible for you to be a better man. If you are any kind of supremacist at all, if your life is fueled by hate of any kind, it is impossible to be a better man until you change the way you think. The really sad part to me is that a lot of these guys are literally boys. Very young men without the experience or wisdom to realize they were getting swept up into something that was bad…and stupid. That is a sad thing because it means the other men in their lives prior to that if there were any, were not doing their job. they weren’t being the example they needed to be. It’s no excuse of course, they are all responsible for the path they have chosen. However, there may be guys out there on the verge. Guys frustrated with the hand life has dealt them. They may be drawn to the rhetoric and promises of power, unity, and freedom that these groups offer. These guys are on the edge, they have not pulled the trigger yet. There is still hope for these guys. That hope comes in the form of everyone else around them taking the time to inform and educate them about their decision and opinions. If any guys in that boat are listening I invite you to write to me. I also urge you to be responsible for your own mind. Do some research, look at history. Do not blindly follow anyone, do not be a sheep. Don’t even follow me, instead be your own man with your own mind who makes your own decisions about what is right. You know as I was watching this video I put myself in the place of a Jewish man, as a group with torches was chanting anti-semitic slogans. I became angry. I could almost imagine for a moment what that must feel like. To be a Jewish person and hearing these chants. I could almost imagine it, but not quite, because I am not a Jewish man. I still became very angry though. Do not confuse what I’m saying. I have zero problem with people being proud of their ethnicity, I am very proud and happy that I am Norwegian for example. I am proud of my ancestors and the trials they prevailed through. It’s good to know where my family came from. I’m not better than anyone else because I’m Norwegian though. If I’m going to be better than anyone, it has to be the man I was yesterday. It has to be by my own efforts and not because I happened to be born a certain shade. I think every person should be proud of their ethnicity, or have the freedom to be if they want to. That does not include putting people of other ethnicities down though…that’s just stupid. I am an American of Norwegian descent, but that is not the first thing I am. The first thing I am is a human being. The second thing I am is a man, followed by a husband and son and father. Being Norwegian comes after all this other stuff. We are all just human beings. We are part of the same race, the human race. My advice to all the decent people out there who are listening is this; 1.) Speak out intelligently about these matters when you see them raised. If you need to educate yourself first in order to speak intelligently about it, do that. 2.) It may be difficult, but try not to hate the hate groups. Hate of any kind is unhealthy and unproductive. Hatred is a disease and it is not an effective weapon. A much more effective weapon is reason and logic. You might pity them for their ignorance. You might dislike them intensely as I do, but try not to hate them. If you hate them then you aren’t so different from them. 3.) Always, every day, stay committed to the mission of being a better man than you were yesterday. Every man who does this is making a difference in the world. That’s all I’m going to say about that for today. I welcome your letters on this topic. Just email me at: alf@beingbetter.men and tell me whats on your mind. Remember though, I’m leaving for an adventure in the Nevada desert on August 23rd and I won’t get back until September 3rd. So there may be a delay on my response, but I will respond. Also, because I will be out of town and away from technology there won’t be any podcast for the next couple of weeks. The next time you here me will be during the week of September 4th. If you want to be sure and catch me when I come back just subscribe to this podcast on iTunes and you should be notified when I return. Or, follow me on Facebook, you’ll be sure to see me there as well. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

1
231 – Plan Your Next Adventure! 10:47

8 years sitten10:47

10:47

Plan Your Next Adventure! I don’t know about all of you out there, but I am in full blown summer schedule with everything now. You may have noticed that I have only been releasing episodes on Friday lately, that is evidence that I am super, super busy with the things that summer is demanding of me. Besides the farm, and our property, and relatives visiting and events of all kinds to attend one thing that has had me incredibly busy lately is that I am preparing to go on an adventure. That’s right—an adventure. The adventure I’m going on is my wife and I are bringing my 81 year old father and his 83 year old brother to the Burning Man festival in Nevada. I’m calling it the generational legacy tour of 2017. There are lots of different opinions out there about burning man, and there are still some people that don’t even know what it is. Some people think it’s a den of iniquity where the devil’s minions gather. Other people think it’s just a bunch of dirty hippies running around naked and doing drugs. Other folks think it’s awesome and some people actually go to appreciate the colossal art built in the middle of the desert. Some people go to hear the lectures about all kinds of amazing things. Well, I have been to burning man once in 2015. From my experience burning man can be all of these things, or none of these things. I found that it’s really up to the person going—you get exactly the kind of experience at burning man that you design for yourself. Just like in life. There are around 80,000 people at this festival. They build an actual city in the middle of a dry lakebed called Black Rock City, and then they tear it down. Burning man has a “leave no trace” ethos. After it’s over no trace is left, no garbage, no cigarette butts, nothing. That in itself is really quite remarkable. Like any city there are parts of it that I have no interest in, parts that I will avoid. There are other parts that are amazing though. There are several reasons I like going to burning man. One is simply the challenge of it. You can’t buy any food there. All of your sustenance must be brought with you for the entire week. You are in an extreme environment with blistering heat and cool nights, I’ve seen 70 mile per hour winds there, and dust storms. It’s very much like camping on the moon if it had oxygen. The dirt is fine as talcum powder, nothing grows there and there aren’t even any insects. I love seeing what that extreme environment does to peoples imagination and ingenuity. People come up with truly amazing ways to not only survive, but to thrive out there. The other reason I like going is to witness the raw humanity. There is every kind of human you could imagine in this place, from all over the world. The labels we are so used to in everyday life seem to fall away. There are rich people and poor people, people of every diverse lifestyle and every socio-economic strata—but they all get along. They all bring something unique, and special to this common, extreme environment. I also enjoy marveling at the things people have built. Not just the art, but the structures as well, and the amazing vehicles driving around in the desert. As a life long student of humanity, there isn’t a better place I know of to go and just witness humans, being humans. I wanted to take my dad and uncle to this event because it’s a way for me to provide them with an experience unlike any they have ever had in their 8 plus decades of life on this planet. Isn’t that what life is kind of about? Gathering experiences and doing things you have never done before. These guys are in their 80’s and they have done so many things and been so many places in all that time. I know they have never done anything like this before though, and that’s why I felt it was important. That’s why I’m talking about this today, because I believe that a key component of being a man is to embrace new experiences whenever you have the chance. It doesn’t have to be burning man, it can be anything you have never done before. That’s what adventures are made of; discovery and exploration of the world around us. Adventure quickens your spirit and your mind. It causes you to think and wonder. Adventure forces you to know yourself better than you would have otherwise and the better you know yourself, the better man you are capable of being. This year, part of my adventure will be sharing the experience with the best man I know, my father. It will be a memory and experience we will share for the rest of his days. So that’s what I’ve been up to, just getting ready for this is a monumental feat. Taking four people to this thing requires a great deal of planning and a lot of work. It’s kind of a big responsibility because how well I prepare will have a huge impact on the quality of experience for the people with me. What I’ll be wearing at Burning Man besides goggles and a dust mask, is a Stump Town Kilt. I wouldn’t think of going to this festival without it. There will be a lot of kilts there, and many of them will be made by Stump town. For several years my wife has volunteered as a Ranger out there. The Rangers are the interface between the participants and law enforcement. They are there to help people and provide assistance when needed and Stump Town might be official kilt of the Black Rock Rangers. If they aren’t, they should be. I don’t know of any other brand of kilt that would stand up better to the beating it will take at burning man. Not to mention how useful the huge hidden pocket will be out there. I’m taking all three of mine. Stump Town Kilts is the official sponsor of this program however, and one way you can support this show is by going to stumptownkilts.com and checking them out. When you get done shopping just enter the code: betterman at checkout. All lower case, all one word. When you do that you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. If you are going to Burning Man do it now so you get it before August 27th. If you aren’t going, do it anyway so you can have the best kilt available. Remember though, enter the code betterman to get your discount. In wrapping this up today I really want to stress that one way to be a better man is to plan an adventure with someone you love. Whoever it is in your world. Could be your dad or uncle. Could be your brother or your best friend. It could be anyone that has given something of themselves for you over the years. Think of something neither of you have ever done and plan an adventure. Spend that time and energy on creating an experience that will be with you both forever. In the process you will learn things about your self and each other that are extremely valuable. It doesn’t have to be grand and expensive, it only needs to be a new experience. It could be as simple as a road trip to a city you’ve never been to. Or climbing a local mountain just to see whats on top of it. I spent several years of my life with no adventures. I was too involved in the rat race. I was too busy working to take the time to explore and discover. Looking back I think that was a mistake. For the rest of my life I’m going to try and have at least one adventure every year…maybe even more. Well that’s it for today guys. Now head out into the big world and start thinking about your next adventure, and who you will experience it with. Adventure can enhance your life, and help you be a better man than you were yesterday at the same time. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

1
230 – When It’s Hard Being A Father 18:11

8 years sitten18:11

18:11

When It’s Hard Being A Father…Be A better Man! Hello Men! As I predicted a few weeks ago the summer schedule has been a little tough. I have not been doing three episodes a week like many of you are used to. There was no Monday or Wednesday episode this week. Summers are always busy up here in the Pacific Northwest but this summer has been particularly so. What I can guarantee is that you will be able to count on the Friday episodes every week. As the weather changes heading into September I suspect things will return to normal though. Because this is a Friday episode I am honor bound to tell you about the sponsor of this show, a company called Stump Town Kilts. When a lot of people think of kilts they imagine plaid garments worn by men toting bagpipes and marching in a funeral or something. While those are definitely traditional Tartan kilts…that is not what I’m talking about. Stump Town Kilts makes modern kilts for the contemporary man and woman. They are garments of comfort, designed with style and function in mind and suitable for everyday use. I own three of these kilts and I have done literally everything wearing them from the dirty jobs to the fancy events. They are durable and comfortable in the dirt, and they look fantastic when you are wanting to get noticed at a social event. These kilts have several innovative features that their competitors do not possess like the adjustable sizes and snap on accessories for example. They come in a variety of colors and even the rivets have options; you can get brass, gun metal, or chrome rivets. If you have ever thought of owning a kilt, or if you have an old dusty kilt you never wear because it doesn’t fit quite right anymore or it’s too much trouble making it hang right. Then a kilt from Stump Town is the only kilt you should consider. Listeners of this program can get a substantial discount simply by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman, at checkout. all lower case, all one word. Do that and you will receive your special discount. Do yourself a favor and check out stumptownkilts.com today. _________________________________________ Ok guys today I want to talk about an aspect of fatherhood. A lot of the things we talk about here can apply equally to anyone. Many of the topics we deal with have to do with human character and people who are not a man can get something out of it as well, that’s why we have so many non-man listeners and I welcome them. However, there are some things that are specific to being a man, and fatherhood is one of them. Within the realm of fatherhood there is an aspect of it, a phenomenon that is relatively new in human life and specific to the modern times we are living in. What I’m talking about is when men are involuntarily separated from their children, as a direct result of relationship failure with the mother. This can be a touchy, emotionally charged topic, but it’s also a fact of modern life and I feel like I need to talk about it a little bit. This is something I have dealt with personally in my life. Many, many men I know have also dealt with it. My own son is still dealing with it right now and I just got a letter from a long time listener named Tom where he told me about the struggles he is going through regarding access to his children. It’s a real thing, a heart wrenching thing, and as men we really need to think about from every angle. In my opinion, the highest calling any man has in life, the most profound, prestigious, important position he will ever hold is that of a father. Becoming a father is a mans best opportunity to influence the future, to leave a legacy, to alter humanity in some way by passing on what he has become and lessons he has learned to the next generation. Sadly, there are many men who do not give fatherhood the weight it deserves. There are men who create children and then spend the rest of their life avoiding their responsibilities. I’ll never understand that, it’s tragic. I can’t imagine why a man would give up the best part of what being a man is, when he chooses not to be a father to his children. I can only assume that it’s because many of those men did not have a benefit of a father in their own life. They were not raised with that example and therefore have no real idea of what they are missing out on. Whatever the case, this tragic fact makes it even more important that good men do their best when it comes to being a father. Like I said earlier, men being denied access to their children is a relatively new phenomenon in human life. Even a hundred years ago society was much different, men were largely in charge of everything. It was truly a mans world and if a man wanted his children with him then that is what would happen. Women did not have the support of the courts and in most cases they were financially dependent on men for their survival. To be clear—that was not a good thing either. Inequity is inequity no matter how it is apportioned, and motherhood is equally as important to a child’s life as fatherhood is. The inequity women have suffered at the hands of men goes back to the beginning of time. We men have only been experiencing this in recent history. The issue though, is not who has suffered the most or what gender has been treated unfairly. The issue is, and should always be, the welfare of the children. When a parent who loves and cares for their child is denied access to that child, it is the child who suffers most. So here we are now, in a world where both father’s and mother’s play spiteful, vindictive games of revenge and power struggles at the expense of our next generation. Children are treated like commodities or possessions rather than as human beings who crave and need a balanced life, and love from both of their parents. It is a sad state of affairs. It is gradually getting better in some places. The rights of fathers are being recognized on a larger scale than when I went through it 25 years ago, but we have a long way to go. In the meantime, there are men and children suffering the pain of forced separation. Some men who feel the weight and hopelessness of it just throw up their hands and quit trying. Others resort to violence born of frustration. Neither of these reactions helps the child. I don’t intend to paint women as the only offenders here. I know of women who are also experiencing this because the father is wielding financial superiority and denying access to the mother. It is equally unfortunate regardless of which parent the children are being denied. However, I believe that this happens with greater frequency to men these days. I have often seen children being used as pawns—tools to manipulate the behavior of their fathers. Or simply used to make their fathers suffer emotionally, as compensation for a perceived injustice the mother has suffered. It’s all bad. It’s all wrong, and the ones who suffer the most are always the children. Now I’m going to share some basic advice for men in this situation. This is not legal advice, it is my opinion. This is advice gained from my own experience, and also from the experience of other men I have witnessed go through it. First some common sense. Take care not to become a father in the first place if you are not ready. If you are not in love with a woman and can’t see yourself sharing your entire life with her—for crying out loud take some precautions to not create a child. It isn’t rocket science, be the master of your biology, not a victim of it. If you do happen to father a child with a woman you don’t love or can’t live with, what do you do? You be the best father you can, that’s what. The consequence of your lack of precaution is that you are no longer the most important thing in your life…your child is. Moving forward you must consider the welfare of this child first before you do anything—regardless of the mother’s actions. This is your obligation. Pay whatever child support is ordered that you pay without complaining. Even if you are denied access. You are not paying for access…you are paying for the upkeep of a life you helped create. I lived in a semi truck for three years because I couldn’t afford to live in a house, because of child support. It’s just what I had to do in order to provide for my children. When you become a father, you come second. Never quit attempting to gain access to your child. There are resources for fathers rights, seek them out and use them. Use whatever resources you can but never quit. This will pay off 18 years later when you get to know your child as an adult. They will know you never quit, and it will matter to them. If you honestly deem the mother of your child to be unfit, or lacking in some way. If you sincerely believe that you would be a better parent. Then it is your obligation to gain custody of your child. This is what I did. It required a long, bloody, tedious, expensive and miserable battle in the court system but I eventually won custody of my children and it was worth every effort I made. Some of you might be thinking “holy crap! I can’t raise kids alone, I don’t know how. What if I screw up? I don’t have any idea what I’m doing here.” Hey…welcome to being a parent. Just do the best you can every day and love your children and it will work out. People have been doing it for thousands of years, you’ll figure it out. This is an important one. Many dads only see their children 4 days a month; every other weekend and some holidays. Other dads are blessed with joint custody. Others may only get to talk on the phone with their children. Regardless of how much contact you have, perhaps the most important thing you can do for your children is never under any circumstance speak badly about their mother. Even if she is telling them horrible stories about you and trying to make them hate you as my children’s mother did, do not drop to that level. Children know they came from their parents. To hear that a parent they came from is bad in some way severely affects that child’s self esteem and self image. Remember, the most important thing here is the child. Not you and your feelings, and not their mother. If you get access to your children, make it count. Don’t spoil them and buy them things out of guilt. Try hard to be the same dad you would if you were with them every day. It’s really hard, I struggled with this one myself. I wanted every precious moment to be wonderful and perfect, without any conflict. I overlooked bad behavior and spoiled them needlessly until I realized I was doing them a disservice. What they needed was a good, consistent, reliable dad—not a pal or best buddy. They needed my best example. They won’t always like you, and that’s ok—but they should always respect you. It’s not always possible, in my case it was not. When possible though, do your utmost to co-parent with your children’s mother regardless of who has custody, who she is married to now, or who you are married to. Your child deserves the influence of both of you, and you cannot put your own petty emotions above that. One of the most important things to remember is this. Your child will become an adult. They will be an adult for much, much longer than they are a child. Your basic objective as a parent is to raise them to be good, self sufficient, contributing members of society. Your secondary objective is to have a mutually rewarding relationship with them as an adult, to continue mentoring them and to ultimately know and extend influence to your grandchildren. When they become an adult the court no longer has jurisdiction. So you will have access to your child eventually. Everything you do when they are young, how you conduct yourself, the things you say and the example you are will come into play here. The quality of your relationship with your adult children relies entirely on the way you behave when they are children. They will come to know everything, it will all be revealed to them eventually. They will see both of their parents for the people and the parents they are—so, be the best one you can be. Even when it’s really, really hard. Being a dad is a grueling marathon, not a sprint. My last bit of advice to anyone who has children is this. From the moment that little person was born you are no longer Bob or Joe or David…your name is dad now. It’s not just a name though, it’s a title, and a position. It is a privilege and a profound responsibility. It is your foremost identity and you must treat it as such. You owe something to this human you created, and that is to be a better man today than you were yesterday, and then keep doing that every day. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon.…

Being A Better Man

1
229 – Living A Half-Assed Life 10:08

8 years sitten10:08

10:08

Living A Half-Assed Life… You have arrived at the podcast devoted exclusively to the topic of the character of men. We don’t talk about sports, or politics, or dating or fashion. Here w e talk about the nuts and bolts of what it means to be a man in today’s world, we talk about living with character and purpose. We do this, so that you can apply it to your own life and become a better man today than you were yesterday. I am the host and creator of this show, my name is Alf Herigstad. We are very fortunate to have a sponsor of these Friday episodes. A company I have partnered up with that helps me keep this show in production. That sponsor is Stump Town kilts. They are an American company located in Portland Oregon and they have the distinction of making the finest, most versatile, durable and attractive kilts on the market. I know—because I own three of them and have been a customer of theirs long before I even had a podcast. I approached them to become a sponsor for that reason, because I wanted to represent a company and a product that I believe in 100%. Stump Town kilts have several features that other kilts just don’t have. Like the huge hidden pocket, the adjustable sizes, the snap on accessories, and because of the way they are made you don’t have to iron them. They also come in a variety of colors. I have a black, gray, and a green one, the next one I get will be brown but they also have a camouflage one. I wear mine for every occasion from shearing sheep and chopping wood to fancy diners and officiating weddings. They are the perfect garment for any occasion. Right now, as a listener of this show you can get your very own Stump Town Kilt for a substantial discount. Go to stumptownkilts.com and do all your shopping. When you are checking out remember to enter the special code to get your discount, that code is: betterman. All lower case, all one word. Do that and you will receive your discount and also let them know you heard about it right here. Today I’m going to talk a minute about someone I actually know. I won’t use his name and I’m sure he doesn’t listen to this show but I want to talk about him because he is a perfect example of something I call; living a half-assed life. So this guy is in his mid thirties and I have know him for a few years, several in fact. We met by way of an organization we were both involved with that dealt with a shared interest. Pretty quickly I noticed that he only did things half way. He did just enough to survive and would do no more. Through the years I have witnessed this guy go through his life and the more I got to know him, the more I realized how deeply his culture of being half-assed went. I watched him lose many jobs because most employers frown on people being half-assed at work. I watched him go through several relationships and then finally get married. Problem with that was, his marriage was even done half-assed. Not the ceremony itself, I wasn’t there…but how the relationship was structured, the level of commitment, everything was done half-assed so it was no surprise to me when it quickly fell apart. I came to ultimately realize that literally everything in his life, his relationships, work, physical fitness, domestic situation, even his hobbies were all done with the same half-assed approach. This all fascinated me. I spent a few years trying to figure it out, I even talked with him about it on a couple occasions. It fascinated me because he is not a stupid guy. In fact I liked him, he has a decent sense of humor and can carry on a good conversation. I kept waiting for him to wake up. I kept waiting for him to realize the consequences of living like that and have some sort of revelation, but he never did, even to this day. There has not been any contact between he and I for several months but today I was talking with someone who has and I was sad to learn that nothing has changed. In fact, it has gotten worse. Now on top of everything else he is having horrible financial difficulties, no doubt a result from only being employed sporadically. So it seems the result of living a half-assed life, is that you wind up with a half-ass life. A Life that is only half as good as it could be. The next logical question in my mind is why would an otherwise intelligent person choose that for themselves? I was venting about all this to my wife earlier because it boggles my mind. Almost every bad thing that has happened in his life was totally preventable. As my wife and I were talking I mentioned that I have known other people similar to this guy who eventually had a revelation, and turned their life around. My wife said she had never known anyone who did that. She was of the belief that there are some people who are just born a certain way, and that is the same way they will die. She said they might be doing their very best, but to other people their best appears like a half-assed effort. I thought about this for a minute. I rolled it around in my head. After some deliberation I decided that I just don’t agree. I can’t buy it because I have witnessed change in people. I have seen people do a complete 180 and through effort and focus turn their life into something good. Granted, there are many people who suffer the consequences of their own actions for years and never pull out of it. They numb their pain with drugs or alcohol as their life slowly circles the drain and they feel like a victim the entire time. However, at the same time, there are other people who realize that every bad thing that ever happened to them is their fault. They decide they want to live and live well, they start making choices that will effect that outcome. They surround themselves with people that will be good examples, they abandon people and behavior that have been pulling them down. Look I do not have all the answers. I’m on the same journey you are, trying to be a better man every day. Maybe my wife and I are both right? Maybe both kinds of people exist; those who can change and those who are incapable of it, I don’t know. What I do know is that there wouldn’t be any reason for me to do this show if I believed that everyone was destined to any particular lot in life. I believe that when a man becomes fed up with the consequences of his actions or lack of actions, that he can make a decision to improve his life. Maybe there are some people listening like this guy I know, maybe you do everything half-assed and then wonder why your life sucks. There are probably a lot of guys listening that just do some things half-assed, and some guys that don’t do anything half-assed at all. What you should all do is determine where you are on that spectrum. If your life sucks right now maybe there is something you could do about that. What if you approached everything in life with your full abilities, expecting to succeed and not ever settling for less than your best effort? I bet if you did that, no matter who you are, your life would improve. In fact if you did that, you would become a better man than you were yesterday. Now head out into the world and realize that it’s all up to you. It’s your choice. You can choose to live a half-assed life, or you can choose to be a better man. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

1
228 – What Is Required To Be A Leader? 10:08

8 years sitten10:08

10:08

What Is Required To Be A Leader? Welcome to the beginning of another glorious week in your life as a man. I think every man should be having a glorious life. If you are not currently having a glorious life, the bad news is that it’s probably your fault. The good news, is that every day is a brand new day, and you can be the creator of your own destiny. As men we have the power to create, imagine, dream and innovate. We can sculpt the world around us into what we desire through the strength of our own will. That’s the kind of stuff we talk about here. I am your host, and my name is Alf Herigstad. I have a friend that I met through the medium of podcasting named Wally Carmichael. He lives in Hawaii and he is the host of his own podcast called “Men Of Abundance” . Wally and I are very aligned on issues that pertain to men, and I encourage you all to check out his show, there will be a link to it in the show notes as well. The reason I’m bringing Wally and his show up is because I read something on his Facebook wall and I knew instantly that I was going to steal it and talk about it. I let him know, but I want to be sure and give credit where credit is due. In this post Wally was talking about the essence of leadership. It was beautifully and accurately worded and I’m going to share it with you then talk about it for a little bit. Wally wrote: “Men, if you have to tell someone you’re a leader, chances are, you’re not. Those who chose to follow you make you a leader. You’re position does not determine if you’re a leader. Your age or seniority does not determine if you’re a leader. Your skills determine if you’re a leader. Not even being a dad and a husband make you a leader. When others choose to follow you, then you’re leader. That is not a free ticket to start managing other people’s life. You must remain humble in your position as a leader and continue being the man others have chosen to follow and or walk along side you.” So that’s what he wrote. I love this. To me this is like poetry that doesn’t rhyme. I think one reason this speaks so loudly to me is because during my life I have known so many men who got this completely wrong. so called “leaders” who abused their title because they didn’t understand it. I think some leaders are born, it just comes naturally to them and it isn’t something they asked for or even necessarily want. I believe there are others who learn how to become leaders throughout the course of their life. Since it can be learned and improved upon, I classify leadership as a skill. Wally said: “ Those who choose to follow you, are who makes you a leader .” No truer words have ever been spoken. The very important word in this sentence is “choose”. People choose to follow a true leader, they aren’t made or coerced to follow. Lets think a minute about why any man or person would choose to follow another man. I know what it takes for me to follow someone. First I would have to trust that person, he would have proven to me that he only says things he means. His words have weight, and they would be backed up by his deeds. Secondly, if I were to think of a man as my leader then he would have to have a great deal of confidence. Not bravado or arrogance, but real natural confidence that was earned through his own experience. Confidence earned through living and navigating his own mistakes. The kind of confidence a man only displays when they truly know themselves. Thirdly, If I were to follow this man and call him my leader then I would have seen evidence that he had genuine care for the people that followed him. He would not wield his authority as a club, but rather as a staff that others could hang onto and be pulled forward with. It would be obvious that he viewed his position of leadership as a position of service—as a responsibility. The fourth thing I would expect from my leader would be competence, which is kind of a result of having the before mentioned things. Evidence of a competent man is someone who is decisive, he takes action when he needs to. His solutions often prove fruitful. The implementation of his ideas benefit not only himself, but the people who chose to follow him as well. The last thing I would require from a leader is humility. As Wally put it; “You must remain humble in your position as a leader and continue being the man others have chosen to follow, or walk along side of.” How many times have you seen leadership or authority go to someones head? Once that happens, it’s over. They are no longer leading at that point. They have became entitled by the very trust and faith people have put in them. Betrayed by their own ego, and usually at the ultimate expense of those who followed them. A true leader reminds himself every day of his own personal challenges and faults, and continues to make improvements in his own humanity. In other words, a true leader is a better man today than he was yesterday, and he does that every day. So, that’s what it would take for me to follow a man. It might seem like a strict list, and it should be. There are not many men who fill all of these requirements, but there have been a few. My dad is at the top of the list. He is a fantastic leader of mine and he’s so humble he doesn’t even realize it. He leads almost exclusively with his own example. I suppose when I was younger I was more lenient when it came to what kind of man I would follow. The bar was a bit lower because I was at an earlier stage in my own development and there was much to learn from many people. The older I get, the more I require. The more I expect out of anyone who would presume to be my leader. You should ask yourself what kind of man you would follow. Right down a list of things you would require from a leader. When you get all done take a look at that list and then ask yourself how many of those qualities you possess. Seriously—if you require certain traits from a leader then should’t you also possess them, so that you can be qualified to lead yourself? A man doesn’t always have a leader to turn to, and in those times we have only ourselves. When you think about it, before a man can lead others he should first become an effective leader for himself, shouldn’t he? That’s all I have on this for today guys, I want you to chew on that for a couple days and I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. You can always email me at: alf@beingbetter.men . Thanks to Wally Carmichael and his podcast; Men Of Abundance for the inspiration. You should all go check him out. Now head out into the world and wether or not you ever find yourself in a leadership position of other people, strive every day to be a good leader for yourself, that’s where it begins. Strive to be a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

1
227 – One Of The Worst Things You Can Do 8:28

8 years sitten8:28

8:28

One Of The Worst Things You Can Do… It is time once again for Being A better Man, the podcast focused exclusively on the character of men in all of its various forms. I am your humble sherpa on this journey, my name is Alf Herigstad, I’m the creator and host of this show. Before I delve into today’s content I’m going to take a moment to acknowledge the sponsor of our Friday episodes: StumpTown Kilts. Stump town Kilts is a company located in Portland Oregon, also known as “Stump Town”. It is there that a few brave, industrious souls dedicate their life to the creation of what I believe to be the best kilts money can buy. Each kilt is expertly crafted with the finest most durable material. The designs are both functional and innovative, which means they have features other kilts do not. Such as the huge hidden pocket, adjustable sizes and snap on accessories. One of my favorite features is that I don’t have to iron them. In addition to having an amazing kilt that will be the envy of everyone who see’s you, you will also have the privilege of dealing with the people who work there. They are all great people who really care about your comfort and appearance when you are wearing their product. Right now you can receive a substantial discount as a listener of this show. Just go to stumptownkilts.com . It’s an easy website to navigate. Pick out your color, size and accessories and then when you check out enter the code: betterman, all one word all lower case. When you do that you will receive your discount and you will also let them know you are a listener of Being A better Man. Go to stumptownkilts.com and enter the code: betterman today. _______________________________ We all have certain things that disgust us right? One of the things that disgusts me is when I hear a grown man complaining about his wife or girlfriend, running her down to other people, demeaning and disrespecting her. I really don’t enjoy hearing men complain about anything at all, I think it’s pathetic…but it is particularly nauseating to me when a man will complain about his significant other. Don’t get me wrong. It’s one thing to confide some legitimate problem you are having to a friend, seeking advice and counsel. I don’t consider that complaining. Sometimes we have to do that to work things out. What I’m talking about is when guys will complain about someone just for the sake of complaining. Or when they will try to be funny by saying derogatory things, at the expense of someone who isn’t there to defend themselves. Also, when a guy will call his significant other vulgar names and speak about her in disrespectful, unflattering terms. It happens all the time and I’m sure you have heard someone do this. Perhaps, you have been guilty of this yourself on occasion. There are several reasons I have a problem with this. For one thing, when a man is in a relationship he has a basic function, a duty to perform. That duty is to provide a high level of care to the other person. To look out for them, protect them, defend them and be a good man to them. So it blows my mind when a guy feels like it’s ok to throw all that out the window by doing the exact opposite of that. When a man is complaining about and berating his significant other not only is he belittling her, but he is making himself smaller at the same time. If a man is behaving exactly opposite to what his duty as a man would dictate—then, is he even a man at all? The other part that gets me about this is that I don’t understand why it happens. Why, if a guy is that miserable. If a guy is so dissatisfied with his relationship that he has to complain to other people. Why doesn’t he either; a.) get counseling or help to fix the problem. Or b.) Just get out of the relationship? If you are that miserable to the point that you abandon your manly duties why don’t you just end it and move on with your life. Stop wasting your time and your partners time by perpetuating the misery. Just get out, get out or fix it. I feel about complaining like I feel about excuses; there is not any valid reason for doing it. It’s even worse if there are children in the relationship. Now, on top of being less than a man. On top of being a whiney sniveling douchebag, and in addition to totally disrespecting a person you have pledged allegiance and fidelity to. Now you are also disrespecting your own children by demeaning their mother. I like to imagine that the vast majority of my listeners do not do this. There may be a few of you who do though, maybe that’s the example you got when you were growing up? Maybe that is just the culture you live in and no one ever really told you it was wrong. That is not a valid excuse, but either way I’m telling you right now that there is another, better way to be. Hopefully you guys listening are not the type of guys that do this, but perhaps you know some people that do. If that’s the case then I invite you to share this episode with them. It’s the kind of thing that is difficult to hear from someone you know. So let me tell them, just send them a link to this episode or sit down and listen to it with them. Somehow in the evolution of our society this behavior of complaining about women to your guy friends became tolerated in some circles, even accepted. I think it’s time that we as a group start reversing that by speaking out against it and explaining to people why it’s wrong, and what the ultimate consequences are. Now head out into your weekend and be on the lookout for opportunities to make a difference, no matter how small. Stay true to your commitment to be a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to get a copy of my book Forging A Man if you have not gotten yours yet. Heck, why not get two and give one as a gift? Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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226 – Choosing Your Friends Wisely 8:52

8 years sitten8:52

8:52

226 – Choosing Your Friends Wisely… Today I’m talking about the skill of choosing who your friends are. You may have never though of it as a skill before, but I think it is. I think it’s a skill that can be learned because it isn’t something we are born knowing how to do, and also because it’s something we can get better at. I classify anything that can be improved upon with practice and effort, as a skill. As human beings we are pack animals. Our existence is made up entirely of the relationships we have with other humans. Our families, friends and acquaintances comprise the whole of our interactions and it is these relationships that become the fabric of our life. That’s one reason I always express the importance and value of relationships. As such, the other humans we choose to spend the most time with is critical. Lets face it; there are good people and bad people and everything in between. Our lives are heavily influenced by the other humans we choose to spend the most time with. So doesn’t it make sense to choose to spend time with people that will make our life better? I think it does. Nowadays people tend to be hyper sensitive about not being judgmental. As though there is something wrong about making a judgement about someone else’s character or value. I don’t get that at all. I think not only is it ok to make judgements about people, I think it is our obligation. We owe it to ourselves to do so. If I know that I am the sum total of the five people I spend the most time with, then I am going to be very discriminating about who those five people are. I will judge the people who come into my life to determine if they are aligned with my world view. Is there anything I can learn from them? Do they have experience or knowledge that I seek? I will judge wether or not they will be a liability to my objectives, or if they will be an asset. At the same time I expect those people are judging me by the same criteria. If there is a group of people I want to be a part of then I need to bring some sort of value to that group. If my presence doesn’t elevate the sum total of that group in some way—then why would I expect they would want me around? At the same time I need to genuinely like the people I spend time with. I need to enjoy their company. Some people may be aligned with me in every conceivable way and yet—our personalities are simply not compatible. Maybe their sense of humor is off, or maybe I have some habit or mannerism that drives them crazy. It’s really difficult to form meaningful relationships with people you don’t like being around. There are many, many components to consider when choosing who your friends are. There are lots of moving parts, many filters to pass through. The skill part I spoke of earlier is in being able to discern between all these elements, and having the willingness to act on them. That’s where most people drop the ball. We have all known someone that we knew was not a good fit. Maybe we knew we couldn’t completely trust them. Or maybe there was something about them we just didn’t agree with, or whatever. Even though we knew this intellectually, we just kept them around anyway. We did not have the willingness or ability to act on what we knew was not in our best interest. Maybe they were also friends with someone else you really like and you didn’t know how to eliminate the one without also losing the other? There are a million reasons why we allow people to linger in our lives when we know they don’t belong there. I used to be horrible at choosing who my friends were. I was young and idealistic. Having friends was like currency, and felt like everyone deserved a chance. I wound up getting burnt often, and taken advantage of. My sum total was diminished by some of the people I allowed to spend time with me. I learned the hard way over time that it was possible to be friendly, and kind to people, without them actually being my friend. I learned that when it came to me and my life, that everyone did not actually deserve a chance. It became my obligation to make smart choices. Even right now there are many people who consider me their friend. But the people I count as friends is a very small number in comparison. The skill of choosing your friends is in the early detection, and quick decisive action of making the actual choice. Think about all the people you know right now. Think about what value you provide them and also what they do for you. Is there anyone who is an actual liability to your goals? You may want to consider eliminating those people from your sphere of influence. It can all sound kind of cold and calculating, even superficial and impersonal. It really isn’t though, because the bottom line is that when it comes to friends; quality trumps quantity every time. If someone passes through all your filters, and you have passed through theirs. If you have judged, measured and weighed one another and been found not lacking. After all that you wind up with a true friend of value that you will likely have until you die. You will have each others back and trust each other implicitly. One friend like that is worth 50 or even 100 mediocre friends. When our children are minors we need to help them choose their friends because they haven’t learned how yet. We all know how the wrong friends can influence children right? Well it isn’t any different for adults. Before we can really teach that skill to our children, we need to learn it and practice it for ourselves. Now head out into the world and when it comes to choosing your friends don’t be afraid to judge the fitness and worth of others. Do yourself the great kindness of choosing well. At the same time be mindful of the value you bring to others. Above all, when you wind up with a good friend treat them like gold and never, ever take them for granted. Always be a better man, and a better friend today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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225 – Being A realistic Man 10:22

8 years sitten10:22

10:22

I appreciate you taking a little time out of your manly day to listen in. My intention is that you will receive something from this podcast that will cause you to think. That you will be inspired to consider your own personal manhood as you go through your day. It’s important, because staying aware and purposeful and mindful of your role in the world will result in you being a better man today than you were yesterday. I am your host, my name is Alf Herigstad. Right off the bat though, I’m going to give a huge shout out to our sponsor; Stump Town Kilts. I realize that it might be easy for you guys to hear me talk about Stump Town kilts every Friday and you get used to it—immune to it even. You may not realize how important it is to have a sponsor that helps me be able to produce this show, so that you can listen to it. It really is a vital component to what we do here because believe it or not, this takes time and resources to create. Time and resources cost money. There are three things that keep us going; Stump Town kilts, our Patreon page, and my book. These are the three main revenue streams that keep this podcast afloat. I know there are a bunch of you out there that hear me talk about these kilts and you intend to get one, you have every intention of it. The same is true of the Patreon Page and the book. You intend to, but then life happens and you start doing something else and you forget. I get it—I do the same thing all the time, but that’s why I keep bringing it up. To help remind you. So look, if you are one of those guys that has been intending to get your very own Stump Town Kilt, you can decide to wait no longer! Go to stumptownkilts.com and start shopping for your new kilt right now. When you are checking out enter the purchase code: betterman, all lower case, all one word, and you will receive 10% off your entire purchase. Then come back and listen to the rest of this episode. I would not ask you to do this if I didn’t believe in this product 100%. In my opinion these are the finest, most well made, versatile, innovative kilts on the market. That’s why I own three of them. Do this, and you will be thrilled with your new kilt and, all the compliments you get when you wear it. What I want to talk about today is being realistic. To be realistic about everything but mainly to be realistic about yourself. I’m talking about being real and honest about who you are, what your capabilities are, what you’re good at and what you’re not good at. Most of us are either pessimists or optimists. Most of us see the same glass of water half full or half empty. Meanwhile, a realists sees that same glass exactly for what it is…a glass with water in it, and room for more water. I personally am an optimist. I think it’s a pretty good way to be because it provides me with the attitude I need to overcome most adversity. I’m always looking on the bright side and finding the silver lining and I always see the glass as half full. It’s just how I am and I think it’s good for the most part, but there are times when I am better served by simply being realistic. I had to learn how to suppress my optimism at times and instead adopt a realistic view. Now, I would call myself an optimistic realist. Recently I heard about something that is happening in the world that is a good example of this. There are a lot of young men entering the work force every year. Many of them are having a hard time find a job even though lots of places are hiring. Some of these guys were interviewed to see what was happening and it was revealed that they are applying for management jobs, because that pays more. The problem is that these guys have no management experience whatsoever. In fact many of them have zero experience, doing anything. They are not being realistic about their own skill set. Maybe they have a view of themselves that makes them feel they would be great at telling other people what to do. The reality though, is that they have not earned that credential. It takes time and experience to acquire that. Another area guys are often not realistic in is dating. This is causing a ton of frustration and confusion for all parties involved. Imagine being a woman and some guy assumes you should want to date him yet, he doesn’t bring anything to the table. Maybe he has no job, or poor hygiene, or no sense of humor. No car, no address of his own, and no prospects or plans for the future. He may have some or all of these problems. Amazingly, through some mysterious form of irrational entitlement, he can’t imagine why a woman would not be interested in him. I have also seen pessimistic guys who can’t believe anyone would want them, even though women are practically throwing themselves at him. It’s a weird deal, but in both cases these guys are not in touch with their reality. They are not looking in the mirror. They are not being objective and honest with themselves, and it causes problems. Not being realistic can cause problems in every area of life if you aren’t careful. Personally, I tend to think that this type of separation from reality is a form of laziness, I’ll explain why. Some guys may see something about themselves that isn’t quite right, something that could use improvement or something they lack. Right then they could decide to focus on that thing whatever it is. They could focus on it with the intention of improving it so it is no longer a liability. They could master that new skill, or lose that 20 pounds, or whatever. Unfortunately that would require two things they are not willing to give though; time and effort. They want what they want right NOW. So instead they just gloss it over and convince themselves that they are OK just the way they are. The problem becomes invisible to them and they go through the world acting as though it doesn’t exists. The reality is, that they may not actually be ok just the way they are. I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. Almost everyone has done this to some degree including myself, it’s a human way of coping with things. That does not make it right though, or optimal. Glossing over things that need your time and attention will not make you a better man. So that’s why I’m talking about this today. If you are committed to being a better man then you will have to pause occasionally to evaluate your level of reality. Check in and see where you are at. Put in the time and effort that you need to actually improve things, because once you do, that’s one less thing you have to worry about. Each day you are alive put a little focus on being realistic about who and what you are. Improve the things that need improvement and celebrate the things you are awesome at. If you make it a habit to check in with reality every day you will find it’s a lot easier to be a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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224 – A Better Man Knows How To LISTEN 10:21

8 years sitten10:21

10:21

A Better Man Knows How To Listen… This is the podcast that focuses on the character of men. Part of our core philosophy here is that if we become concerned with and focused on, our character as men. Then everything else in our life will start falling in place as a result. Think about it—if you are really trying to be a better man today than you were yesterday, and you are doing that every day, there will be some predictable results. Your relationships with other people will be improved. That means all your relationships; your love life, your work relationships, social and family relationships will all be enhanced because you will be operating at a higher level in each of those areas as you strive to be a better man. You will have care for others and a clear idea of what your role is in the world, your function as a man. People will naturally like, trust, and appreciate you more and that translates to improved relationships across the board. Your relationship with yourself will even be improved because you will know and like yourself better. You will be proud of the things you do right. Your confidence will be increased as you come to know yourself better. You come to see your shortcomings as opportunities to improve, rather than feeling bad about them. So that is what we are all about here at Being A better Man. Improving your life, and the lives of people around you. People often ask me how I keep coming up with shows. This is episode 224, that is a lot of episodes and it boggles some peoples mind that there is that much to say about being a better man. The truth is, and what I tell people, is that it isn’t really that hard. There is so much material out there in the world every day. All I have to do is spend 10 minutes on social media or take a trip into town and everywhere I look there is something to talk about. Now–people that know me also send me articles or share posts with me that they think may be relevant to the podcast and that’s fantastic. Recently my wife shared a story with me, a post written by someone she knows personally. In this post her friend was lamenting the fact that she is completely fed up with men. Specifically, her issue is that when men approach her romantically and she is not interested—a large majority of men in her experience then become abusive. They attack her, call her names, stalk and harass her. Basically, they act very much like a spoiled, entitled three year old that is denied the cookie they asked for. My wife went on to tell me that she has heard many women having this experience. To the point that she believes it is becoming a real problem out there. She thought maybe I could make an episode about this phenomenon. Here’s the deal though. This is the problem I have with topics like this. In my world, I never—or very seldom see things like this happening. Why? The primary reason is because I’m not a woman. It’s kind of like when my kids were little and one of them tattled on the other for doing something. If I didn’t see it happen then it was kind of hard to punish the other child with any degree of gusto unless there was physical evidence. Don’t get me wrong, I totally believe my wife on this because she is very tuned in to these kinds of issues. She has her finger on the pulse. I totally believe her but, the other problem is that it’s so hard for me to imagine what would make a guy react this way. When I hear about male behavior like this I’m always a bit stunned because I don’t act that way. Nor do any of the men I know or associate with and yet—it’s happening, a lot. Another difficulty I have when it comes to bringing stuff like this up on the show, is I tend to think that you guys listening to this podcast are not the same guys that need to hear the message. I like to think that my audience is mostly made up of guys who are genuinely out there being better men than they were yesterday. You aren’t attacking women like a spoiled child, you aren’t calling people names and harassing them because you are being better men. I respect you guys. I don’t want to insult you. So that is my challenge. When I hear about abhorrent male behavior I want to do something about it. I want to talk about it and make other people aware. At the same time, I don’t want to alienate the good men that listen to this show, as though you think I’m talking about you personally. The thing is, when males behave badly in the world it effects all of us. It effects the world our daughters and sisters and friends live in. It effects our sons when they witness this behavior and think it’s ok. Also effected, is the way all of us are perceived as a group. In a way we are all guilty by association simply because we are male. Of course that isn’t accurate. We aren’t the bad guys, but we are the living example for the bad guys, and we need to have more impact. Like I said earlier, if my wife had not came to me with this, then It would not have been on my radar. There is a huge lesson in that point for all of us. The point being, that we need to listen. Just because we don’t see something doesn’t mean it does not exist. We need to hear when the women we know relate their experience to us. Our challenge, yours and mine–is to acknowledge these things that good men would normally have no idea of. We can do that by not only listening, but by really hearing and believing, and asking questions too. There is only one world, and we’re all a part of it. As men, the things that happen in this world should matter to us. In particular the things that other men are out there doing. Only when we know what the problem is will we know what to say when we speak up. Only then will we understand what kind of example we need to be, and only then can we start becoming part of the solution. Now head out there into the big world and pay attention. Don’t ignore stuff just because you think it doesn’t affect you. It does affect you, because it’s happening in your world and as a man you should be concerned with that. Listen to the women you know, get some insight into their experience. You will be better able to be a positive force, and if you are a positive force in the world then you are most assuredly being a better man than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

1
223 – The Virtues Of Hard Work 10:17

8 years sitten10:17

10:17

The Virtues Of Hard Work… I want to take a second and talk about a message I received yesterday from a regular listener named Les. It made my whole day. Les bought a copy of my book, Forging A Man. Les has two young daughters and he started reading a chapter of the book to them as bedtime stories each night. He told me about one story in particular that had a profound effect on them and even had them moved to tears. He went on to say that they are getting a lot from the lessons each story has as well. This is exactly the kind of thing I envisioned when I was writing this book. It can be used as a tool to impact other people. Not just men, or boys—but women, and as Les has testified, even little girls will get value from these stories. It’s called Forging A Man, but these stories are really about just being human, regardless of gender. So thank you Les for sharing your experience with me. I would love to hear other stories like that from other readers just write: alf@beingbetter.men . If you have not gotten your copy yet, there is a link directly to it in the show notes of this episode. Today I want to talk about the virtue of good old fashioned back breaking hard work. It’s something many people tend to avoid these days. There are many people who have never actually done excruciatingly hard physical labor in their whole life. These are soft times we live in. We buy our food already prepared. Our clothes come ready to wear, and the buildings we live in are just there…when something goes wrong we call someone else to fix it. As a species we are becoming more and more distant from our physical roots. We have forgotten that our bodies are dynamic, useful tools capable of great industry. Some people compensate by going to the gym and working out real hard. They do that because it feels good. Hard work releases endorphins in your brain that make you feel good. Hard physical labor does the same thing. I’m thinking about this today because a couple days ago I helped my brother on a job. A huge fir tree was cut down in a widow’s yard and she was paying my brother to remove it. I need more firewood for winter so I agreed to help. When I say it was a huge tree I am not exaggerating. It was over three feet in diameter at the base and over 100 feet long. It was cut into 16 inch sections, but each round of wood weighed several hundred pounds because they were so huge. We had to split the rounds into smaller pieces just so we could handle them. I have a massive sledge hammer, it has a 20 pound head. All day I used this hammer to drive a steel wedge into the wood to split it up. Then we had to load it on a trailer and drive it back to our place, it took several trips. It was a warm day and it was back-breaking, dirty work. Each time I swung that hammer it seemed to suck a little more life from my bones. The pieces of wood got heavier and heavier as the day went on. We were covered in sticky tree pitch and we were sweating profusely. It was a good thing we finished when we did because my right arm was about to give out. It had lifted that hammer so many times it was almost completely spent. You know what though? It felt good. There is something about pushing your body and mind to the point of physical failure that is extremely rewarding. Not only that, but I have a huge pile of firewood for the winter. A wood fire is the only source of heat we use in our house. This winter when it is freezing outside and we are cozy and warm by our fire, I will remember this day. I’ll remember how it felt, and it will feel good all over again. Now, two days later I have a few sore spots, but I don’t mind at all. I’m talking about the virtue of hard work because it is something that historically, has been a manly undertaking. Of course women can work hard too—and they do. There is a certain type of hard work that men have always been associated with that seems specifically manly. It actually makes you feel more like a man when you do it. I’m talking about the type of work that requires raw strength. The type of work that challenges your very existence. Men typically are the people who build things, and who tear things down. We are the people who move heavy stuff from one place to another. I think it’s sad that this type of work is looked down on by many people. It’s considered menial and “beneath them” by many who are privileged. What I’m saying, is that it is good for you. It’s good for your body, your mind, and it’s good for the man inside of you who yearns to be tested and tried. We don’t all have a brother who needs to move a big tree. You may have to search for opportunities to work like this. You can start by not avoiding hard work. Maybe you have an elderly neighbor who’s yard has gotten out of control. Why not volunteer to clean it for them? No charge, your payment is the satisfaction you will get from the effort. Since it is Friday I also want to talk about our sponsor, Stump Town Kilts. Guess what I was wearing when we moved this tree. I was not wearing pants. I was not wearing shorts, nor was I wearing a wrestling singlet. That’s right! I was wearing my green stump town kilt. It was the perfect garment to wear during this job because I had ventilation all the way up my legs. I was able to keep everything I needed with me secure in the huge hidden pocket. The material was tough enough to handle the abrasion of hundreds of pieces of wood being carried against it, and…I was able to work hard and look great doing it the whole time. I got some tree pitch on it, but I’m sure that will wash out and it will be like new again. I’m telling you, these kilts can literally be worn anywhere, doing anything. As a listener of this program you can get a substantial discount on your new kilt by going to stumptownkilts.com and entering the code: betterman when you check out. All one word, all lower case. When you do that you will receive 10% off your entire online purchase. Go to stumptownkilts.com and enter the code betterman to receive your discount today. Now head out into the big world and whatever you do, don’t be one of the people that avoid hard physical labor. Not only is it not manly to avoid work, but if you avoid the hard work you will be missing out on what it provides. A sense of accomplishment and pride. The knowledge you can make a physical difference in the world. The good feelings that get released in your brain. Not only that, but the memory of a job well done will also add to your overall confidence. Men who are capable of working hard are regarded in higher esteem by others. Most importantly though, after pushing yourself to physical extremes and working hard you will go to bed that night knowing you are a better man today than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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222 – The Beauty Of Independence 10:07

8 years sitten10:07

10:07

The Beauty Of Independence… Tomorrow is Independence Day here in America. I decided to go back to see what I talked about least year during this holiday. I liked it so much that I decided to replay it this year. So here it is again, from the archives: I know I have a lot of listeners who are not from America…so for you, the 4th of July is just the day that comes after the 3rd of July. In America though…it is independence day. It is the anniversary of the day 240 years ago that the declaration of independence was signed. With the signing of that document America became a new nation, completely independent from Britain’s rule. All of a sudden we were our own boss…we were independent. So the 4th of July is our national day. Other countries have National day’s too. I decided to look them up and I found a list of 171 countries that have National days, and in most cases it is a day that celebrates independence from another country. As I was looking over the list I started to notice something…Of the 171 countries listed, 55 of them celebrated their independence from the United Kingdom on their national day…just like us. There are a couple ways to look at it…the glass half empty approach would be that England really was hell-bent on taking over the whole world and it didn’t work out so well. While with the glass half full approach you could say that Great Britain is responsible for 32% of the national celebrations in the world…Yay for England! Putting all that aside, a question looms; Why is independence such a big deal that it causes entire countries to come together and celebrate it? In America we celebrate with fireworks and picnics, eating and drinking, families spending time together and people getting the day off work…unless you happen to work at one of the National retail chains that tries to capitalize on our patriotism. I had the great opportunity to be in Oslo Norway one year when they celebrated their National day on the 17th of May. They had won their independence from Denmark. It was similar to the fourth of July in many ways…but it seemed bigger to me somehow, grander, deeper. It made the 4th of July seem like a great party, while the 17th of May was a true celebration that fills the people with national pride from the youngest to the oldest. They have a parade of children in every town…imagine a river of children going through the streets waving flags and holding banners. There are speeches in the parks, and games the whole community can join into, they wear special clothing called Bunads that signifies the area they are from. So…it is a party, yes, and it’s a lot of fun…but the people really come together and celebrate something; their independence and autonomy as a nation. Nationals, immigrants, children and elderly all come together on this day for this special purpose, and it’s a beautiful thing to be a part of. That experience in Norway caused me to see the 4th of July in a different light. Sure we all know…we learn in school what it was all about. But how often do Americans actually remember what we are celebrating? When you go to the fireworks show or fire up the grill and crack that beer open do you also stop to consider for just a moment how things would be if those brave men and women who were the first Americans had not done the things they did to win our independence and secure our nation? Do you share the story with your children and explain what the day is about? I think we as a country sometimes take our autonomy for granted…and it’s kind of sad. America is far from perfect. We did, and continue to do a lot of things wrong…but, we also did a lot of things right, and better than any other country ever did before…that’s pretty cool and I prefer to focus on and celebrate those things. We have the other 364 days of the year that we can gripe and grumble about the injustices and inequities and all the other things that might be wrong. But, on this day…and on the National day for every other country in the world why not be proud and truly celebrate the things that are right and good? For one day put aside differences in lifestyle, culture, religion and politics…and just be Americans. OK, so that’s about as political as I’ll ever get on this show. I started out intending to just talk about the concept of independence as it applies to being a better man…but then I got sidetracked by the holiday itself. I’m going to take a minute now and just talk about independence. The struggles that early America went through to gain it’s independence from England is not that unlike the struggles we face as young men and women seeking our independence. England was the parent and we were the child. We thought our parent to be overbearing and old-fashioned and we thought we had a better idea, so we struck out on our own. We crave independence as a species, we don’t like anyone telling us what to do and it often leads to a lot of mistakes being made. I know it did in my life, I was so anxious to become a man and be my own boss that I ignored the good council of my elders and wound up suffering for it on more than one occasion…that’s part of the process though. I believe independence should be a goal for every man. In this case independence would be defined as operating, functioning, deciding and choosing the path and rhythm of your own life, relying only on yourself and the strength of your own will to accomplish the things you decide to. Independence is the opposite of dependence, and It would mean not being dependent upon situations and conditions, but rather…persevering and figuring out how to excel in spite of those situations and conditions…or to take it even further, being the force that creates situations and conditions that are favorable. Imagine if every man lived his life this way…it would be a different world wouldn’t it? To gain your autonomy…your independence as a man is still possible, even though we are subject to laws and governments and employers and economic statistics…we can still be autonomous men. How? By first understanding what we believe and what we stand for as individuals, and then by never compromising those beliefs for anyone or any thing. To put it another way, to be true to yourself at all costs. And there will be costs, some severe and some not, but there are always costs associated with independence, you must resolve to endure those costs whatever they are, before you begin. The reward for doing this is knowing what it is like to live and die as an independent man, and in doing so…be an example for others to follow. OK, I’m going to wrap it up there for today…I know you all have places to be and parties to attend. I want you all to have a great 4th of July, and be safe. I also ask that you take a moment to reflect on what you are celebrating, maybe even share it with someone else. You can also use this time to reflect on your own independence as a man…and what it means to be a better man today, than you were yesterday. Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

Being A Better Man

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221 – The Conversation Is Critical, And It’s Up To You! 12:15

8 years sitten12:15

12:15

The Conversation Is Critical, And It’s Up To You… First…a word about our sponsor: This is Friday, and we are privileged to have our Friday episodes brought to you by our sponsor, stumptownkilts.com . Listeners of this show can get 10% off their entire purchase by using the code: betterman at checkout. Just go to stumptownkilts.com , do your shopping, pick out your new kilt and enter the code betterman at checkout to receive your discount. That’s betterman, all one word, all lower case. I’m proud to have Stump town as a sponsor of this show because I believe in their company and their product. I own three of their kilts myself and I plan on getting more because there are some colors I don’t have. You don’t need to iron these kilts, they are made from the best materials with the most innovative designs. Like the huge hidden pocket, adjustable sizes, and snap-on accessories. So don’t wait, summer is here and it’s time to wear your kilt. Support this show by going to stumptownkilts.com today. __________________________________________ On this show we talk about things that have to do with the act of being a man. The character of men. We talk about the role men have and the responsibility that comes along with it. The reason we do this, is because someone has to. I think one of the problems of our society is that somewhere along the line people in general just stopped talking about what manhood means. So, that’s one of the things we do here. Before the modern era, before people were so busy and so engrossed in technology I think it was a more regular part of the conversation. Sons grew up in their fathers shadows with uncles and neighbors and other male members of the community all around them, having conversations with them. The expectations of becoming a man were clear, and spoken, and demonstrated. In those days a boy looked forward to becoming a man and being a contributing member of the community. He looked forward with great anticipation to being recognized and regarded as a fellow man in the tribe. Like I said though, somewhere along the line in the past hundred years I think people in general just stopped talking about it as much. Nowadays Dads are too busy. Uncles and neighbors are also busy, and not a constant presence in a boy’s life. Much of a day’s time is spent with everyone starring at the television, or their phone, or a computer screen. What little time is left for conversation is rushed and concentrated on immediate concerns. There isn’t time to have deep meaningful, philosophical discussions about life. As a result, many boys grow up with no real guidance or direction. They emulate their peer group, older boys, music and sport idols, people they see in movies. These guys are instilled with an artificial and superficial concept of what masculinity is. They lack confidence because they have never really done anything to develop it. S elf esteem and self awareness are in short supply because they have not taken the time to know themselves. They eventually grow up, make babies, and then start the cycle all over again with their own children. It’s all quite tragic from a societal standpoint. That’s why this podcast exists; to re-ignite the conversation. I’m generalizing a great deal here. What I am describing is the worst situation, but there are many degrees of this. Many of you listening will identify with all, or perhaps just parts of what I’m saying. Some of you may not identify with it at all, but you are in the minority. You are the fortunate few who have a different experience, but this is everyones problem. It’s everyones problem because it affects our society as a whole. It affects the world our loved ones live in. I want to acknowledge all of you guys who listen to this podcast. All you guys that read books and seek out other resources related to your improvement as a man and as a person. Congratulations! You belong to a percentage of humanity that is instinctively concerned and aware. You understand that you can and should strive to be a better man, not just for your own sake, but for the sake of everyone you love and for humanity at large. If you weren’t concerned with these things, you wouldn’t be here. That is step one; being engaged and aware and concerned. Step two is that each of you need to take up the torch and continue the conversation wherever you are. In whatever circles of people you find yourself in. I am happy to lead the charge with this podcast, but I am only one voice. Earlier I mentioned that somewhere people in general stopped talking about what being a man means. If people don’t talk about it, then people don’t think about it. If people don’t think about it—it begins to lack significance and importance. It fades into irrelevance in the big picture. Then one day we wake up and there are a majority of men who have no real understanding of who or what they are. What their role is, what their responsibilities are, the importance of their example. That’s where we are today. What I’m telling you guys today is that your voice matters, in fact it is vital. You are the dads and uncles and neighbors I spoke of earlier. You guys listening to this podcast are the male role models of your community. I can give you things to think about and talk about. I can provide concepts for you to ponder, but then you have to have conversations with other people. Look for opportunities to discuss what being a man means with other men. Demonstrate to the people around you what it looks like to be a man. Demonstrate through your words and actions what it means to be a better man than you were yesterday. When you do that my single voice is multiplied by hundreds, or thousands. When that happens there will be an impact. There are many, many strategies you can use. I watched a video the other day where a senior millennial guy was talking about breaking the dependency and addiction on smart phones because that’s a real problem with that generation. He said whenever he and his friends get together or go somewhere they all leave their cell phones at home. This forces human interaction. It forces conversation and relatedness. I think it’s brilliant, I posted it on the Facebook page if you want to watch it. Another strategy is to prepare conversation starters. You know like three or four questions you have ready to ask someone when there is an opportunity. What if you asked someone questions like; If they remember the moment when they became a man? What’s the best part of being a man? what is a man’s biggest responsibility? What’s the biggest challenge men face today? What’s the real difference between a man and a boy? The point of these questions isn’t what their answer is. The point is to start a conversation, a conversation that will provide you an opportunity to exchange your thoughts and ideas. Suddenly you are talking about manhood, thinking about it, and raising it up in your consciousness. Yet another strategy is to tell people about this podcast, and other great resources you have found. Spread the word, share the things that are talked about here and see where it leads. How you carry this conversation to your community is only limited by your imagination. However, one thing that I believe is paramount, is to never ever forget that wherever you go, whatever you do, you are the example of manhood for whoever happens to be watching you. That is an extreme responsibility that cannot be overstated. As you go out into the big world join me in re-igniting this conversation wherever you are. Make the time to have meaningful discussions. Be an example for other men and demonstrate what being a man means with your words and actions. Add your voice to mine and deliver this message to the world around you. That is what will have an impact. In the process you will also be a better man than you were yesterday. Check out the links below and remember, you can always write me at: alf@beingbetter.men . Hey remember to to check out my new book, Forging A Man, available right now on Amazon. (GET THE BOOK HERE) Also, please take time to check out the MANLY RESOURCE CENTER, in the menu tab at the top of the page. Or, click on these links. PATREON STUMPTOWN KILTS AUDIBLE FACEBOOK (function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//forms.aweber.com/form/27/1175410227.js"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs); }(document, "script", "aweber-wjs-t8d8jxubo"));…

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