phone at the end of the universe, take 2 (new year 2023)

Aster Podcasting Presents

A few years ago, you found a telephone that let you talk to someone who gives you advice. Sometimes it's helpful, sometimes it's not. But it's nice to know that someone out there is waiting to hear you again.

Every new year, I write a little piece just giving advice to myself from the past year, and I ask my friends to do the same. Thank you to Austria, Christine, Everett, Shoy, Audrey, Ferris, and Jackie for writing advice that I included in here. I'm a little off the mark of "New Year", but it's in time for Lunar New Year, so have a wonderful Year of the Rabbit, everyone, and take care of yourself and each other.

Sound effects "Phone Rotary Dial Number" by kyles on Freesound.org "Old Rotary Phone Ringing Western Electric Bell" by mycompasstv on Freesound.org "Telephone Receiver Lift" by Zapsplat "Rumble Loop 10s" by unfa on Freesound.org "Phone Booth Hang Up 01" by Zapsplat

Transcript SFX: Rotary numbers dial. Ringing rotary phone. Someone picks up on the other end. Hey. Been a while since you called me. What, something like five years? Six? You used to ring me up every year at the same time, now you’ve been drifting far off the mark. You seem surprised. Well, first, you called me. Second, do I sound a little different? It’s ‘cause I’ve been on hormones, so yeah, I’ll sound a little different. Third, you called me for advice, so that’s my first piece: stay on hormones. Don’t let anyone trick you into thinking they’re not good for you—you waited a damn long time to get on them, read the emails, signed the forms—so just stay on them, okay? Then you can sound like this a little earlier than I did. I mean honestly, kid. Just try not to be afraid of change, it’s coming to you either way. Nothing will be as bad as worst-case scenario that will play out in your mind. We’re always overthinkers, I know. You look at yourself, you ask: do I actually deserve this? What horrible thing did I pull to deserve these bad things? How did I trick people into thinking I’m worthy of this good thing? Listen to me now: you deserve good things that happen to you, so drink it in! And look, the other thing is, no one really deserves things. One good turn doesn’t necessarily equal another good one, because some days, you’ll do everything exactly right and something still goes wrong. Someone does get hurt. But the world’s a heavy burden to bear and it’s not all your responsibility anyways. Set it down a while: Take care of yourself first and set boundaries like you need to. Be patient and slow down. No one’s gonna hate you for that. People are in your life because they love you and not because of some abstract obligation you think they're under. And that the things you think are flaws in you are some of the things people love the most. Do you hate your loved ones when they ask you for help? When they’re at their weakest, is that when you turn away from them? The answer’s no. So don’t think that they’ll think so lowly of you. Reach out when you know you need help, ‘cause believe me, there are going to be a lot of days where things turn sour. Don't be afraid to be loved, and don't push away those are trying to care for you. There’s gonna be a lot of people supporting you too, through your darkest and most out of control times. Does what I said scare you? Showing your most shameful and ugly side is terrifying, I know. You are allowed to have feelings without them being neat and easy. You can’t swallow them forever ‘cause your body’s not a holding cell for every hurt you’ve ever had. At some point you gotta let them go. How do you do that? I guess you mean, how do you open the fist that’s been balled up with rage, with sorrow, with fear for so long? You gotta take small steps: notice of the small things you take for granted in this life. The next time you eat, notice the flavor and texture like you were experiencing it for the first time. Explore the grocery store like a child and find new things. Everything can be extraordinary if you allow it to be! When you start noticing those things, your grip on pain loosens. ‘Cause if something so everyday can be so wonderful, there are a million more joys that you can have, so many that the hurt from before seems small in comparison. You don’t have to find them all at once—be patient and slow down. But little by little you’ll find you don’t want to just sleep off every single day. You won’t just sit for half an hour, an hour in the shower, just thinking “Where am I going with my life?” I know, it’s scary when you burn out. For every thought to be weighed down, lethargic and uninspired and just so not worth it. That’s why you gotta know the little things are worth it. No matter what you do or try, bad things will happen to you. But so will good things. And so will things that are somewhere beyond the range of good or bad—they just are. Take all those things for what they are, and let them be part of your life. Otherwise, it’d be pretty boring. Long is the road, and hopefully, long is the life. And the road will still be there, even if you have to stop and pull over every now and then. SFX: A rumble. Our time together is ending. I told you a lot of serious things years ago and today, so let me just give you some good practical advice. Use different passwords. Drink some probiotics every now and then, your stomach will thank you. Don’t be scared to do things alone from time to time. ‘Cause look. Everything will be okay. Remember life has a way of working itself out, even if things feel like they're falling apart. That’s our time, kid. Take care. Just dial if you need me, 'cause in some ways, I'm always with you.