Episode 199: I am Worthy of Care with Alison Cook

Hole in My Heart Podcast

Today, we talk codependence (over-reliance on people for our sense of stability), counter-dependence (under-reliance on people), and interdependence (healthy dependence on people) on the podcast, and the conversation does not disappoint.

Psychologist and author, Dr. Alison Cook, leads us biblically through questions about codependence as well as:

• Is it right or wrong to put others first?
• How can we be both worthy of care yet also “conceived in sin” (Ps. 51:5)
• How can we trust again after being burned by others?
• How does all of this relate to our identity?
  

Pull up an earbud, friends. This is a great one.

//Highlights

“If I had a word for pastors, I would say: Don’t assume that folks are coming in with a healthy relationship with the self before we ask them to die to it.” —Alison Cook

“We change in the context of care and compassion verses in the context of condemnation and judgement and criticism. That’s just what’s true psychologically… ‘God’s kindness is what leads us to repentance.’ (Rom. 2:4).” —Alison Cook

“In a healthy home there is that balance of, ‘You are so important, you matter, you are worthy, I am here for you, my dear child. And, as a part of that, I want to equip you to go out among other people and from that place of knowing how valuable you are, shine that light of value onto others.’ That’s a very different thing than, ‘Put others first! You don’t matter. It’s more about them!’ That’s not actually true. It’s because I know I matter, and I have experienced what it feels like to matter to God I can come into your life and shine some of that onto you—that you matter just like I matter.”—Alison Cook

“Learning how to trust again after one has been wounded? … ‘I was hurt in the past, I don’t ever want to depend on somebody again.’ To me that’s a cue that we need to repair something in the self. ‘What cues did I ignore? It’s not my fault and there his no shame in that, but I did ignore some cues…How will I do that differently next time?’ … Oh, that’s hard when you have been burned.”—Alison Cook

//Question of the Week:

What healthy food makes you feel sad when you eat it? (Ya'll are funny.)

//Do the Next Thing:

• Watch the podcast here
• Hear Alison with us the last time she was on the podcast talking about how to deal with overwhelming thoughts and emotions here
• Find Alison’s latest book along with all of her work here