Week Two: A Really Bad Thing Happened On The Honeymoon

I Think I Love You

This isn't a podcast about sex. But of the many dynamic elements that determine the health of a relationship, sex is the one we've had to put the most work into. And will continue to be, I imagine.

I'm not sure that we ever explicitly describe it in the recording, so I'll make it clear here. We had sex when Caroline didn't want to. It was confusing at the time. It's painful to think back on, that confusion could have ever existed between us, in this way. It's horrific to think about inviting other people to listen to us work through it.

But it's important. This moment and the ensuing conversations are the start of a profound learning experience, for us as a couple, but for me personally. And maybe this sparks more nuanced conversations between partners, or just between friends.

• (00:03:04) I nuke the original Week 2 recording
• (00:37:00) Apology, excuses, and digging in
• (00:44:34) Caroline digs into gendered perceptions of pain
• (00:52:30) Some states still have marital rape exemption loopholes (https://n.pr/2wkA908)
• (01:01:57) I benefit from Caroline's wisdom: "I think that sometimes you have to have five conversations to get to the answer. And if you start the first conversation by saying, 'What's the point?' then you're never going to get to the fifth."
• (01:04:44) You can listen to Jia Tolentino read her essay "I Thee Dread" here (https://bbc.in/3dp9Ypt)
• (01:08:47) Relationships are like professional sports, or kumiko, in that the concept of flow state applies. Judd Apatow on flow state on Armchair Expert (https://bit.ly/396D1Le)
• (01:20:58) Lessons on how to stay in love, from Week 2

Thanks for listening. If any of this hits home for you or sparks a conversation between you and your partner, we'd love to hear from you. Find us on Instagram @caroclaireburke or @ri_soserious.

- Riley

Acknowledgments

Thanks as always to our wonderful family and friends who have helped along the way. Specifically, our muse @floriandelomme for his generosity in allowing us the use of his Tulum sunset in our cover art; @anka1027 for her knowledge of all things podcasting; her renaissance husband @gnarliehewson for our highly rad intro music; and, of course, @mollylophotography and @edwardslater, whose empathy and talent are on display in every photo of our wedding (and could be for yours—message them directly or visit their website).