Trust - The Personal Characteristics That Build It Strong

Life Talk with Craig Lounsbrough

Trust. How do you define it? Typically our definition of it is terribly basic and somewhat shallow. We seem to define it as that ability to rest fully and completely in something or someone. That's about as far as we take it. Yet, the incredible power of trust suggests that it is more . . . much more. Remove trust from a relationship and that relationship simply cannot survive. Extract trust from whatever situation we're in and we will doubt that person or that thing or that event to the point that we withdraw. Erase trust and we simply don't want to go there, wherever "there" is. Take away trust and all you have left is the need to rebuild trust.

You might want to think about this as well. Real trust, trust that does the distance is built over long periods of time with consistency, honesty,commitment and the relentless exhibition of integrity and self-sacrifice. Yet, trust can be destroyed in a matter of seconds. It can come crashing down based on one single action, one errant choice, one impulsive moment, one poor decision, one untimely comment. Trust is both terribly powerful in prompting us to invest in something even at great risk to ourselves. Yet, for all its power it is terribly fragile, undermined and completely fallen with but one word, one choice, one ill-conceived idea, one mistake.

And so, what are the ingredients of trust; the pieces and parts? More importantly, what qualities do we embrace and what characteristics do we live by that builds trust deep into all of our relationships? When we look at trust, we might first ask"what is our role?" The Encarta Dictionary defines trust as possessing a number of key components. Trust is multi-faceted and complex, a labyrinth of pieces that are undergirded by a dualistic theme of integrity and self-sacrifice. And so, do we simply hope for trust, or are we the ones who through our deliberate actions and unwavering choices work to build it? These then are things that we need to build into our lives to build trust in all of our relationships.

1. Reliance. "Confidence in and reliance on good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor, or ability." In a word, integrity. A person of integrity does the right thing regardless of the cost to themselves. It's an attitude, a life commitment, a unwavering stance that will not bow to unethical pressures, the power of the peer group, the demands of society, or the dictates of the moment. A person of integrity will stand his ground and will choose that which is right and good regardless of the popularity or price of doing so. Such a person naturally cultivates and engenders a foundation of deep trust.

2. Position of Obligation. "The position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably." There are standards that are good and right. Some call them absolute truths, those standards that dictate all other standards and all other situations. Sometimes embracing and abiding by these brings honor and respect. At other times, abiding by these will incur great cost and potentially damaging rejection. Regardless of the cost, trust is built by standing responsibly and honorably. There is something of consistency is such stands; allowing others to see that regardless of the demands faced and the temptations that might come, the individual will stand firm on principals of justice, truth and integrity. Such actions create a trust that weathers shifting circumstances.

3. Hope for the Future. "Hopeful reliance on what will happen in the future." Trust is about the confidence in people's actions and their commitment to a set standard that creates a confidence regarding future outcomes. We are able to derive from the commitment and actions of others a sense that the future will work out, that will it will have some degree of predictability, and that if it doesn't work out, there will be the means to manage whatever happens. Trust creates stability that even in the midst of instability things will work out. It's about the stuff of consistency; that we are and we will do what we say we are. Trust then is established not just for present, but for the future as well.

4. Care. "Responsibility for taking good care of somebody or something." Trust involves being willing to place that which we value into the hands of others. The things that we value the most, the very things that we have sacrificed for, that we have given our lives over to obtain or protect . . . trust involves placing the things most valued into the care of others. There is a relinquishment in trust; the ability to hand over to someone else all that we cherish and love, knowing that they will be as safe in the hands of another as they would be in our hands. Such a trust means that we can trust even when we cannot be present to insure that things will be well.

5. Responsibility That Somebody Has. "Something entrusted to somebody to be responsible for. Accept responsibility as a sacred trust." Here is the place of sacrifice, where someone holds others interests above their own. Trust means placing the other person first. When someone embraces that kind of attitude and posture, trust is built because the elevation of another insures that any action will be in the best interest of the other despite the cost to the one to whom trust has been extended. This elevates trust to its ultimate level, allowing us to rest in the fact that our best interest will be uncompromisingly held as primary regardless of the situation.

It's About Who We Choose to Be

In the end, trust is built on integrity and self-sacrifice. The exhibition of these attitudes and behaviors automatically engenders trust. Trust is about embracing that which is true and right, that which is honest and just and pure. It's then about relentlessly living those things out in everything that we do, even if living them out incurs a great cost to us. It's a posture of honesty and authentic living that exudes through everything that we do. When these are displayed, trust will follow. We might then ask the question, "are we these kinds of people?" "What have we built our lives on?" "What might others say of us if we asked them?" Trust is about what you stand on and who that makes you. Maybe the building of trust in your life and your relationships is much more about who you are and the things that you have incorporated in your life that make you that person. Maybe the building of trust begins with you. Maybe . . .