Episode 315 – State and Main (2000)

Max, Mike; Movies

Welcome, welcome to another entry in our series “Ready When You Are, C.B.”, where we address . . . what the hell? Who are all these people? Where did these cameras come from? What the Hec Ramsey is going . . . hah? What release? I never agreed to allow a film crew to use the Max, Mike; Movies studios for a film location! Hey! Put that down! That’s one-of-a-kind! Do you know how hard it is to find a life-sized Kaboom Cereal Clown Mascot Statue?! MIKE! Where are you? Did you authorize . . . AAAAAHH! Great Demille’s Ghost, what have they done to you? How did they get your hair that color? Weren’t you six inches taller yesterday? Oh, so now you fit the film’s “vision”, do you? This is absurd, who would ever, HEY! Get away from me with those pliers? YES, I “need all my teeth”; I don’t care if a “lurching, gap-toothed, bald albino” fits the movie’s “aesthetic.” Anyway, I’m not bald! Or albino! . . . What the hell do you mean “not yet”? You Hollywood people think you can just come in and rearrange whatever you want just so you can make your damn popcorn-pushing celluloid nonsense! Ok, yes, that happens to fit this week’s movie, “State and Main” but still, I never signed any release! Neither did Mike! So who said you could . . . . BUMPY!!!!!! That’s IT! I’m calling the Purina Dog Food Processing Plant manager and telling them to expect an anonymous donation! Hey, bud, can I borrow that chainsaw real quick? Thanks . . .

Poll question: has a movie ever taught you any real-life lessons?