The Art of Saying No: Creating Boundaries Without Pain

Master Your Marriage

This is Part 4 in a 4 Part Series on Navigating Needs In Relationships

In this episode, Robert and Sharla Snow discuss the art of saying no and creating boundaries without pain. They emphasize the importance of saying no to requests from our partners compassionately, to maintain connection and avoid resentment. They explore the concept of resentful accommodation, where we meet the needs of others at the expense of our own needs and desires. The hosts provide examples of how resentful accommodation can manifest in relationships and the negative impact it can have. They also offer a three-step framework for compassionately saying no and finding a win-win solution.

Takeaways:

Saying no to our partner's requests is important for maintaining connection and avoiding resentment.

Resentful accommodation, where we meet the needs of others at the expense of our own needs, is a losing strategy.

It is essential to know and express our own needs and desires in order to have a balanced and intimate relationship.

A three-step framework for saying no compassionately includes receiving the request as a gift, stating the need behind the no, and searching for a win-win solution.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction

00:59 Importance of Saying No

04:14 Resentful Accommodation

05:24 Examples of Resentful Accommodation

06:22 Losing Strategy

07:20 Question: What if I can't always meet my partner's needs?

10:06 Resentful Accommodation and Insecurity

12:28 Resentful Accommodation in Family Situations

13:51 Feeling Resentful at Family Gatherings

15:44 Complex Emotion of Resentment

19:34 Knowing Our Needs and Desires

20:58 Framework for Saying No

21:50 Step 1: Receive the Request as a Gift

23:44 Step 2: State the Need Behind the No

25:38 Step 3: Search for a Win-Win

27:27 Balancing Needs and Staying Connected

29:22 Conclusion and Call to Action