How to Attract Friends

The Greatness Together Podcast

Think the concept of "friendship" is soft? Not very professional? Maybe a nice to have, not a need to have? Think again.

Quote: "When I travel and stay in hostels, I notice how interested everyone is in each other's histories, each other's culture, each other's perspectives. This fuels friendships." Simonne McVanel

Greatness Together Podcast Highlights:

• How to attract friends. 0:00

• Similar circumstances bond us. 1:00

• Does it get harder as we get older? 4:30

• The four factors of creating deep connections. 7:00

• It’s okay to be vulnerable. 9:00

• A conversation is a two-way street. 12:30

• The foundation of a happy, healthy life. 15:00

• Next time: Why Do We Compare? 21:23

In this episode, we examine the power of friendship, inspired by Simonne's insights into how friendships are formed differently when she travels versus at home. Sarah also shares the power of friendships in the context of work satisfaction. Join us as we have this convo 15,000km away across two continents.

The Power of Friendships: Two Social Psychology Studies

Reflect on the best friendship you have made. Where did you meet them? When did they form? Were you both put in a similar situation? Were you both new to something and needed each other for aid or support?

If you answered yes to these last two questions, you experienced a very common type of connection-making that has proven to form some of the strongest, longest-lasting connections.

Simonne recalls from her first-year psychology class (in her text by Coon, Mitterer & Martini) a study about how students who had met in their first-year seminar[i] had the most long-standing connections, while many other connections of theirs had dissolved throughout their college years. These early friendships locked in because when they formed, it was when they were in the same boat and needed to rely on each other; even having a different major, other friendships they had already committed to, and new interests that emerged over time, their early days of leaning on each other for support created a genuine friendship to bloom.

And this isn't just for students. Have you ever deeply connected with someone because you were both new to something: starting a new job, moving into the neighbourhood, becoming a brand-new parent, or moving to a new country?

Let's nerd it out on another piece of social psychology research. Researchers studied how friendships were formed at a boy's camp. The boys were split into two groups: Each group slept in different rooms, performed different tasks, battled against each other in games, and only spent social time with their designated group. The result? The boys learned to hold a grudge against the other group and even refused the friendships of the others. It was only when both groups were put in similar circumstances that friendships started to form. When the boys were about to leave, though the bus was intentionally stuck, they had to work together to pull out the bus through communication and teamwork. Out of this, friendships grew.

As you read this, did you think, "Wow, they could have been talking about my workplace?" Wherever humans are—work, church, hobbies, school, home—friendships can be fuelled and fostered, and they can also be sabotaged and stifled.

4 Ways Deep Connection and Friendships Are Formed

In this episode, we explore through Simonne's fascinating experience of friendship-making while travelling. If you caught our last episode, you will know she’s been travelling this summer throughout Australia; in a new hostel every few days, Simonne has been a keen observer and recipient of the friendship phenomenon.

Join us as we explore the four major reasons deep connections are built, taken from the work of social psychology and specifically in research on attraction:

1. Proximity

2. Similarity

3. Familiarity

4. Reciprocity

In the situation of the first-year students, their deep connections were built when they were in similar circumstances, so they reciprocally agreed that they would support each other through it. How have you found your deepest connections have been fueled or failed due to having (or lacking) these key elements?

Curious to learn more? Tune into this episode to understand the root of some of your friendships or why you sometimes struggle to build deep connections with others.

Greatness Together Podcast Links:

Should All Young People Travel

Greatness Magnified

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[i]

Author: Enke, Kathryn

Source: Journal of The First-Year Experience & Students in Transition, Volume 23, Number 1, 1 January 2011, pp. 75-102(28)

Publisher: National Resource Center for The First-Year Experience & Students in Transition