280. How to Become a Great Communicator

The Rob Skinner Podcast: Helping You Make This Life Count

How to Support the Rob Skinner Podcast. If you would like to help support my mission to multiply disciples, leaders and churches, click here: https://www.buymeacoffee.com/robskinner

Transcript of "How to Become a Great Communicator"

When I got that call and saw who it was, I couldn’t pick up the phone. I had a heavy feeling of fear deep in my gut. I let it go to voicemail. When I listened to it later, I didn’t call back for a week. The voicemail message said, “Hey Rob, this is Bruce Williams. I was calling to see if you and Pam would be interested in planting a new church in Tucson, Arizona. Call me back when you get a chance.” The mixture of fear and confusion I felt paralyzed me into inaction. I was living in Oregon at the time working a full-time job as a Realtor and leading a church full-time as a self-supporting minister. Pam and I had been talking about returning to the full-time ministry. The pressure to run a growing church and support a family through the great recession and housing collapse was intense. I didn’t know how long I could keep it up. However, the thought of change, upheaval and leaving my extended family while my kids were in high school worried me. So, I just didn’t call back. I didn’t know what to do.

Fear keeps us shuttered in our homes, afraid of what might happen. It shows up when we avoid people, avoid contacts, ghost people who text us or call us and ignore emails sent to us. These behaviors are symptoms of fear. For some reason, we are afraid of what might happen, what might be said, what might be found out, what might be asked of us and we run from the conversation. As Solomon wrote in Proverbs 28:1, “The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion.” We can downplay it or rationalize it for as long as we like, but this type of avoidance behavior is grounded in fear. When we avoid people, we are fleeing from a conversation or a confrontation that often needs to happen.

God often works by sending the right person into our life at just the right time. That phone call, text, email, WhatsApp or DM (Direct Message) might be a message from God. If you have ever invited someone to church, followed up with them and then got ghosted you know the frustration and sadness you feel. Why? Because your invitation to them was really a ticket to heaven, a pass to eternal life. Why do people run away from God? It’s been happening since the Garden of Eden. John explains this behavior in John 3:19-20, “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.” People ghost Christians because they are afraid of the light. They are fleeing God because their deeds are evil. They don’t want anyone to know what they’ve been doing with their lives.

Even after we become Christians God sends people into our lives. That’s why it’s so important to maintain and preserve connections with people and make ourselves available both to those we know and those we don’t know yet. You never know when God is tapping your shoulder for something new and amazing.

God called Jonah to lead one of the most miraculous revivals in the Bible, the repentance of Nineveh. Jonah refused to answer God’s call, he ghosted him in Jonah 1:1-3. “The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: 2 ‘Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.’ 3But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.” God was patient with Jonah and pursued him until he got his man. Jonah almost missed the greatest opportunity of his life because of fear, racism and prejudice. God called to him a second time and this time, Jonah was there to take the call. He responded and went to Nineveh. The whole city repented from the King down to the lowliest citizen.

When I called Bruce Williams back, I made profuse apologies for my slow reply. He explained the offer of planting a new church. A new planting, financial support for several years, a full-time salary, an amazing city and university and anything else I needed to be successful. I told him no. I wasn’t ready to make that move even though I felt like I was caught in a vise-grip of time and financial pressure.

He was patient. He had another friend, John Lusk, call me a few weeks later and invited me to come and pray over the city of Tucson, Arizona all expenses paid. I gradually started to realize that maybe this was God directing me and offering me a new start. I went and prayed over the city. I spoke with Bruce and told him then that I still wasn’t ready to make a decision. I came back home, prayed and fasted. One day after work, I walked into our master bedroom to take off my suit, shirt and tie and put on my casual clothes. Pam was still in bed. I asked, “Are you sick?” She said, “No.” I asked, “Why were you in bed all day?” She said, “Because I think we need to move to Tucson.” That’s the moment when I realized God was definitely calling us and I needed to be bold as a lion and stop fleeing from God’s call. I called Bruce and told him that we would go to Tucson. It turned out to be a great decision. The church planting blossomed from zero to one hundred members in two years and my kids were able to all graduate from the University of Arizona. Another church was able to get off the ground and many souls have been saved. It all started with a phone call and a voicemail.

If you want to be a multiplying Christian, take a look at how you handle communications. Are you easy to reach? Do you call or text people back quickly. I think 24 hours is the maximum for voicemail, texts or emails. I don’t think it has to be the same day. Sometimes you need to sleep on it and consider how you’re going to respond. There are times that I can sense my anger is bubbling up. That’s the worst time to call or text back. Better to give it a night to lose the heat and regain emotional control than to say, text or type something you’ll regret and have to apologize for later.

Practicals:

· Stop making excuses for ignoring, delaying and avoiding people when they are trying to communicate with you.

· Ask yourself, what is causing me to practice this behavior? Is it fear, shame, lack of faith? Whatever it is, deal with the reason for the avoidance behavior.

· Decide to be a quick responder. Set a 24-hour limit on your responses if not sooner. You can say your not ready to decide, but at least make the connection. You never know when God is opening a door for you.