Sharks Of The Corn

Silver Screen Cesspool

Sharks of the Corn (2021)
"You're gonna get stalked!"
Tonight's film flop is Stephen Kang's Sharks of the Corn. Yes, you heard me right. Kang, K-A-N-G. Now, you may be expecting a children of the corn knockoff, but with sharks instead, and honestly, that would have made a lot more sense. Then movie opens with a woman trying to seduce the local Kentucky county fair's, corn-eating champion. But he's drunk, so the obvious course of action is to invite him to chase her through the saddest-looking cornfield ever, as she removes four layers of clothing she was wearing, leaving them sexily hanging from stocks of corn. But almost as soon as her breasts are exposed, she's eaten by a shark. Random sh-t of Stonehenge! But maybe it's not a real shark, maybe it's this serial killer-looking dude wearing a gator with a shark jaw print. He shows up in the next scene and kills a hooker with a museum gift shop shark jaw. Damn it, Bruce, hookers are friends, not food.

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

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