Trump vs. The Illuminati

Silver Screen Cesspool

Trump vs. The Illuminati (2020)
"The ultimate battle."
Tonight’s CGI cinematic stinker is “Trump vs the Illuminati.”

The year is 3024, and the earth was destroyed 1000 years ago when Donald Trump started a nuclear war. The last survivor of the human race lives on Mars, and he’s a Chinese-made exact clone of Donald Trump, except he’s immortal and has huge hands. For … uhm … reasons he’s become the center of the war been The Illuminati, who are aliens led by Allister Crowly, who sounds suspiciously like the Mark Hammil joker, and the Atlanteans (or possibly Atlanta-ians, it’s unclear if they’re supposed to be from Atlantis or Atlanta) who are also aliens, lead in part by Van Helsing.

As the last human alive, Trump spends most of the film darkly brooding, narrating his life and pondering the meaning of existence. He monologues a lot. The Illuminati monologue a lot. The citizens of Atlanta monologue a lot. Alister Crowley and Van Helsing make constant sex jokes. At one point, he challenges the Illuminati to a dance-off and does his best Napoleon Dynamite impression.

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Welcome to the Silver Screen Cesspool, where we review the poo! With your host, the surveyor of sh*tty cinema, the mocker of moronic movies, the "Terror of Tiny Town," the last known survivor of "Battlefield Earth," the one of many, Allen Smithee!

Written, Directed, & Starring Allen Smithee
Assistant Director, Producer & Stunt Coordinator Allen Smithee
BoomMic Operator, Sound Editing, & Music Allen Smithee
Construction Coordinator The Amazing Rando
MakeUp Crayola
Catering Soylent Corp
Allen Smithee will be back in Return of the Curse of the Planet of Prehistoric Bikini Ninjas Vs Kingdom of the Bride of the Killer Shark Cheerleaders 2: Electric Boogaloo

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