S06E05: Bruises and Secrets: The Misadventure of Cranston O'Leary

Tall Tales & Short Yarns

**Host:** Tim Carroll
**Audio Designer:** Anton
In this rib-tickling yet slightly grim episode of Tall Tales & Short Yarns, we step into the Muddy River Hotel, a dive where the drinks are stiff and the company is rough around the edges. Here, we find Cranston O'Leary, a man whose formidable stature is overshadowed only by the battle scars he's wearing on his once-imposing face. His friends, a motley crew of hard-knocks themselves, are itching with curiosity to unravel the story behind Cranston's bruised visage and the gruesome gash that marks his forehead.
Cranston, the man built like a fortress, is adamant about keeping the details to himself, despite Benny the Jet's relentless prodding. The jukebox sets the scene with "Bad to the Bone," but little do they know, the tale behind Cranston's wounds is far from the brawl they imagine.
Rewind five days, and we discover the root of Cranston's woes is not one of fists and fury but a battle of a more... personal nature. What ensues is a harrowing saga of constipation, desperation, and an ill-fated trip to the bathroom that leaves our protagonist in a dire and messy predicament.
Join us as we explore the lengths to which one man will go for relief, and the unexpected consequences of pushing beyond one's limits. This episode is a messy mix of humor and humility, reminding us that sometimes, the most epic battles are fought in the solitude of one's own bathroom.
**Note:** Be prepared for an episode that might just have you laughing until you cry—or at least until your sides hurt. This story is not for the faint of heart or the weak of stomach, but it's a reminder that sometimes, life's most humbling moments make for the best stories.