Topic Talk | Funerals and the loss of a loved one

The A to Z English Podcast

In this emotional episode of The A to Z English Podcast, Xochitl and Jack talk about funerals and the loss of a loved one.

Transcript:

00:00:00

Jack

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00:00:17

Jack

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00:00:18

Jack

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00:00:22

Jack

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00:00:23

Jack

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00:00:48

Jack

Welcome to the Ages English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And I'm going to let social introduce today's topic. So social, what would you like to talk about today?

00:01:02

Xochitl

Jack, I kind of want to talk about funeral traditions in different cultures. So I was going.

00:01:08

Xochitl

To talk about, you know.

00:01:10

Xochitl

Mexican traditions because I just went through that with my grandfather passing, I guess he passed.

00:01:17

Xochitl

Let's like a week ago now, maybe or a little less than a week ago, so.

00:01:24

Xochitl

Yeah, I don't know. And I've been, uh, I guess I can just get into it.

00:01:30

Xochitl

Sure.

00:01:34

Xochitl

I don't know how to kick this off actually.

00:01:36

Jack

Ohh no, that's alright. Maybe start with the just just the process is in. In American culture there's a I guess there's kind of two, two aspects to it, right. There's the funeral and the.

00:01:52

Jack

Wake.

00:01:54

Xochitl

Hmm.

00:01:55

Jack

And the wake is more like a.

00:01:59

Jack

A gathering where people get together and there's maybe some. Sometimes there's food, I think is if I'm not mistaken, yeah.

00:02:07

Xochitl

Yeah, that's true.

00:02:09

Jack

Yeah. So and I think the interesting thing about that in American culture and maybe this is true in, in every culture.

00:02:18

Jack

It seems odd to be eating at that time. You know what, I.

00:02:22

Xochitl

But yeah.

00:02:22

Jack

Mean like no one?

00:02:23

Jack

Has an appetite that people are grieving, they're upset. But I feel like maybe the food preparation is a distraction.

00:02:36

Jack

It's it's, it's focusing on our executive function of our brain, the the part that is just very analytical and just doing things. And I think that is a distraction from the pain and the grief would.

00:02:52

Jack

You agree with that?

00:02:54

Xochitl

I think so I I think.

00:02:59

Xochitl

That also it's because a lot of people who aren't, like, super close family come and so they're like, you know, they're they're kind of there to help in certain in a certain way or just to, you know, for emotional support. But they're they're probably going to be hungry because I don't think they're mourning.

00:03:21

Xochitl

And really like the same way you know on, I mean they're they're sad, I'm sure, but it's like a little different. So I think it's like it's kind of a way for the family to say thank you in Mexican tradition that happened.

00:03:22

Jack

Right, right.

00:03:34

Jack

Yeah.

00:03:37

Xochitl

That happens too, but it's like a two day.

00:03:40

Xochitl

Affair where you have to be like awake all night.

00:03:45

Xochitl

You're like, up for 48 hours straight basically because you can't leave the body alone.

00:03:49

Jack

Oh, OK, OK. Because that's different than American culture, where the the body is.

00:03:58

Jack

Is is in the caskets.

00:04:02

Jack

But you don't have to stay up all night with with the body.

00:04:08

Jack

Hmm.

00:04:09

Xochitl

Yeah, this the body was in the casket. But we do have to stay with the body because.

00:04:15

발표자

It's.

00:04:16

Xochitl

It's like I don't know. I guess it's to prevent bad spirits, like in old, in old mythology or whatever, to prevent bad spirits from like latching on to the soul of the body. So you have to stay there like 48 hours.

00:04:33

Xochitl

And it's really hard. My sister and I kind of were with my mom.

00:04:36

Xochitl

And shift. So I would like stay up.

00:04:39

Xochitl

The whole time and then I would go to sleep.

00:04:41

Xochitl

Then she would stay up.

00:04:42

Jack

OK.

00:04:43

Xochitl

Uhm, so we didn't have to do the whole 48 hours thing. I did have to stay up.

00:04:50

Xochitl

More than my sister because she traveled.

00:04:53

Xochitl

Plus, she's in that school. So she was like sleeping for a lot large portion of it.

00:04:58

Xochitl

But when she finally woke up, she was she stayed with the body and then I went to sleep and I woke up and so.

00:05:08

Xochitl

And with the his like sisters and nieces and nephews, they kind of did shifts as well. So like, one day, I think my aunt was my great aunt was there. And the other day my.

00:05:23

Xochitl

Cousin, I guess was there and it's like their family just kind of did shifts, I guess.

00:05:29

Jack

But it sounds like.

00:05:30

Jack

You didn't get much sleep, though. You. You sound exhausted. Yeah.

00:05:32

Xochitl

No. Yeah, it was very tiring and very hard because you're, like, dealing with a lot of grief. And on top of that, you're, like, serving people food and running around with serving people like.

00:05:48

Xochitl

Drinks, not alcoholic drinks, but just regular drinks. But you still you're you're running around serving people with soft drinks and food, and it's just only something like you have to make these two giant. You have to make.

00:06:00

Xochitl

Like.

00:06:01

Xochitl

We had cinnamon tea and coffee and then.

00:06:03

Xochitl

Sweet bread like.

00:06:06

Xochitl

Uh, like pastries at night the first night, and then the next morning. We have, like, breakfast and we had.

00:06:14

Xochitl

Like we also had pastries, coffee and cinnamon tea, and then we had, like Morley, which is like a, it's a chocolate based like sauce, you know. And I've tried my.

00:06:26

Jack

Yeah.

00:06:28

Jack

No, but I I you've mentioned it before in the podcast, I think.

00:06:32

Xochitl

Yes, I have. It's kind of different. One of the yeah, it's different because it's not. It's just like it's a completely different dish. I don't know why they share the same name, but more like the paste is like a different dish.

00:06:44

Xochitl

And there's a there's like seven different types of molis. This one is like a black mullet, which is kind of sweet, a little bit sweet and spicy, and is very thick.

00:06:58

Xochitl

It has a bunch of ingredients like chocolate, chilies, charred tortilla, peanuts, I think, and different things like that. So and we ate that with rice and chicken, and then the next day after the funeral, we also or.

00:07:13

Xochitl

Before the funeral, I think.

00:07:15

Xochitl

Or after I can't remember we served. No, it was after the funeral. We served eggs and salsa Verde and black beans. But it's like kind of crazy because you're, like, running on no sleep and making all these meals for people. So it's kind of like.

00:07:34

Xochitl

And it was kind of wild. And then, like the family, like my mom, I think was up like the whole 48 hours.

00:07:41

Jack

Ohh wow.

00:07:42

Xochitl

I thought I sleep once and it was for like 15 minutes.

00:07:45

Jack

Right, right. Is she? And and you know, for her, this is both of her parents have passed in the within a very short period of time.

00:07:56

Xochitl

Yeah. Within four months from each other because my grandmother passed at the end of February, my grandfather passed at the very.

00:08:03

Xochitl

End of June.

00:08:05

Jack

Yeah.

00:08:06

Jack

Yes.

00:08:06

Xochitl

So yeah.

00:08:10

Xochitl

Choose up the whole night and serving people food and soft drinks and it just seemed like a really stressful night time for her and I feel really terrible for her because she's she's like in charge. She's also the executor of the world.

00:08:26

Jack

OK.

00:08:27

Xochitl

Which means she has she has a lot of work to do.

00:08:30

Jack

Right. A lot of lot of documents that have to be signed and.

00:08:35

Jack

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of responsibility in that in that respect, you know.

00:08:40

Xochitl

Yeah. So that's very difficult. So, yeah, I think it's just interesting. I think, I think it's it's kind of cool and very interesting how people are up for like for there's always people at your house for the whole 48 hours and it's kind of interesting. But I I just felt so suffocated like I wished it was just us.

00:09:01

Xochitl

Like his closest family, so I could just pull an address out and sleep on the floor, close to the buddy. But I just. I just kind of like.

00:09:06

Jack

Yeah, or or just cry, you know, like.

00:09:11

Jack

If you feel a little bit, maybe and I'm I'm just making an assumption here, but do you feel like you, you're you let you, you can't be vulnerable when there are people who you don't know very closely around is it is.

00:09:29

Xochitl

Yeah, it was definitely hard. But like when I first saw it, when like when I first got in there and saw like, yeah, I just wailed anyway because it was just so.

00:09:36

Xochitl

So intense.

00:09:38

Jack

Yeah.

00:09:40

Xochitl

It was like it was different because with my grandmother, it's like I didn't really cry. I didn't. I I cried a little bit with my grandfather. I cried a little bit with my grandmother, but with this grandfather, I cried a lot more, I think.

00:09:51

Xochitl

It's just like.

00:09:53

Xochitl

All the compound of them all lying so close together and then.

00:09:59

Xochitl

It was just.

00:09:59

Xochitl

Sadder because I felt like we didn't really get to say goodbye, cause the Mexican hospital system is really a mess. Yeah, and uh, with my grand, with my paternal grand grandfather, he was UM.

00:10:12

Xochitl

He had like dementia, so we kind of got to say slow goodbye.

00:10:16

Xochitl

To him.

00:10:16

Jack

Yeah.

00:10:18

Xochitl

So it was different and then he passed. But it's like, you know, he was, he was really suffering. It was a it was a slow burn kind of goodbye. And so it kind of felt like he was ready to go.

00:10:29

Xochitl

You know with my.

00:10:31

Jack

Yeah, this one was more sudden. It was.

00:10:34

Xochitl

Yeah. Well, like with my maternal grandmother who passed before my maternal grandfather.

00:10:39

Xochitl

I I was living.

00:10:40

Xochitl

With her at the time. So I, like, saw her decline in real time.

00:10:44

Jack

Yeah.

00:10:45

Xochitl

UM and I and we were there with her every step of the way. In the hospital we were. We also stayed at the ICU for like the whole week, basically. But we got to see her every single day and hear about, you know, what's going.

00:10:59

Xochitl

On.

00:11:00

Xochitl

So with this one it was just kind of a shock because.

00:11:04

Xochitl

Like, only one person could go in, I think per day and it would only be like 30 minutes for 30 minutes and.

00:11:15

Xochitl

It was very restricted and they didn't really keep you updated on anything.

00:11:20

Xochitl

So the last couple of days we thought he was stable and he was getting better, so.

00:11:25

Xochitl

I was like.

00:11:27

Xochitl

I was kind of slowly planning my way to get over there, if that makes sense.

00:11:32

Jack

Yeah, makes perfect sense.

00:11:33

Xochitl

But I was like he, he'll. He'll be fine. That's what we were understanding. So for me it was like ohh. Like I'm gonna. I'll. I'll plan my I'll just I have to get it together to plan with my aunt about when I'm going to Mexico City and when her and I are going to head to the US.

00:11:52

Xochitl

And and so we were. I was just looking at flights when I got the call. Uh, from my aunt that he had passed. And I was just like.

00:12:00

Xochitl

It really shocked me, you know? And so I was like, I really wasn't expecting it. And my my mom and aunt didn't even get to say goodbye. He had already passed so.

00:12:03

Jack

Yeah.

00:12:11

Jack

Yeah.

00:12:12

Xochitl

It's just, yeah, it's very hard. I think when there's less closure like that.

00:12:19

Jack

MHM.

00:12:20

Xochitl

And you think someones gonna get better and they don't. And it's just very like.

00:12:25

Xochitl

Confusing and.

00:12:28

Xochitl

Very hard on you. So yeah, with this one I I did cry. Even though there are people there, of course, I didn't feel like as comfortable.

00:12:35

Xochitl

UM, but I just broke down anyway. It's like I couldn't help it.

00:12:40

Jack

Oh no. And people are are very sympathetic to to that. I'm I I think we.

00:12:48

Jack

In in, in, in Mexican culture you you mentioned before in other podcasts that it's a kind of a masculine culture.

00:13:00

Xochitl

Yes, be careful.

00:13:01

Jack

So kind of suffocating, pushing down your feelings in in public, you know, trying to be stoic, you stoic means like, you know, trying to be strong. And. And I I feel like we that's also part of the United States culture when it comes to these things.

00:13:21

Jack

Is like, you know, don't breakdown and I wish we could be more vulnerable with each other. And in those situations and and just really let our true emotions come out. And it sounds like you. You did that and it probably was healthier to.

00:13:36

Xochitl

Now.

00:13:39

Jack

Dad.

00:13:40

Xochitl

Yeah, I pretty much was beyond giving a crap about whatever anyone around me thought. You know what I mean? So I I wrote down. So yeah, it was. It was very hard. And then, you know, we had the funeral procession kind of thing. And I carried the casket and.

00:13:46

Jack

Yeah, yeah.

00:13:57

Xochitl

We.

00:13:58

Xochitl

Sit around watching him get lowered into the.

00:14:01

Xochitl

Like the brave and kind of different in Mexico, the Mexico City is huge. So there's like one small lot and it kind of looks like a house from outside, like a small house like A1 room house or.

00:14:16

Xochitl

Ohh OK yeah, it has doors locked and like a window and like a roof and everything. And it's like kind of like a really tiny mausoleum. But like, a really tiny one. But not it doesn't look like a mausoleum. It just looks like a little tiny.

00:14:25

Jack

Yeah.

00:14:32

Xochitl

House like A1 room house so.

00:14:35

Xochitl

We opened it and then they like, pulled the concrete signs out and there's like 10.

00:14:42

Xochitl

It's like a.

00:14:44

Xochitl

Like a 15 foot hole or a 12 foot hole like and it's like 10 slabs that you could bury different people and on both sides.

00:14:52

Jack

OK. Is this a family plot here then?

00:14:55

Xochitl

Yeah, it's a family plot.

00:14:56

Jack

OK.

00:14:58

Xochitl

So.

00:14:58

Jack

I I think that if I'm, you know, I'm I I don't mean to be.

00:15:04

Jack

To diminish this or anything, but I I remember seeing a little house like that in the movie Coco.

00:15:12

Xochitl

Ohh yeah.

00:15:13

Jack

And.

00:15:14

Xochitl

Yes, that's kind of how it's like, yeah.

00:15:16

Jack

OK.

00:15:17

Xochitl

Yeah. Yeah, it is like that. And UM, so we we, uh, lowered him down and then they put my grandmother's ashes with him actually in the same casket that was that was a, a, A. That was a moment of anger for all of us because his freaking sister, my grandfather's sister.

00:15:29

Jack

Oh, that's sweet.

00:15:37

Xochitl

He's been going on said. If we wanted to put the ashes in with him, we could put her.

00:15:41

Xochitl

Ashes at his feet.

00:15:43

Jack

Oh.

00:15:44

Xochitl

Like why would?

00:15:45

Xochitl

You even say that you know what I mean? I wasn't there when you said that or I would have been so mad. But, you know, we just put them.

00:15:47

Jack

Then.

00:15:53

Xochitl

They were like next to his arm, I guess.

00:15:56

Jack

Yeah. You you want holding each other? Not. Yeah, yeah, you know.

00:16:00

Xochitl

Yes.

00:16:03

Xochitl

Not one like beneath the other one. It's like, you know, but.

00:16:07

발표자

Yeah.

00:16:07

발표자

So then.

00:16:08

Xochitl

Unless you get lured in the slab and then they like bricked him in. Basically they have to brick people in because they don't want them like stealing the body or like stealing anything that can't. That the body was buried with.

00:16:19

Jack

Like grave, grave robbers kind of situation.

00:16:21

Xochitl

Yeah, yeah. A great rubber situation. So they, like, break him in.

00:16:26

Jack

Yeah.

00:16:27

Xochitl

To his slab in the grave. So it was kind of a very interesting process. And and I I was getting very like light headed and nauseous and they everyone thought I was going to faint. And my great one of my other great aunts hold a lip lock bag and it had a white onion cut into quarters.

00:16:47

Xochitl

And she took the 1/4 of a white onion and sprayed it with rubbing alcohol that she had in a little spray bottle in her purse. And she handed it to me to, like, sniff. So that was supposed to help me not pass out. And it did help. Weirdly, I felt way better.

00:17:04

Jack

Really. OK. I was. I would have thought maybe the smell of onion would make it worse, but.

00:17:10

Xochitl

I definitely. It's like interesting because like, you don't really smell the onion that much because your face is like, right up against it and has rubbing alcohol in it.

00:17:18

Xochitl

So the only thing that the onion does is like it gets the juices from the onion, make the rubbing alcohol more mild so they like, burn your nose when it comes up, they like react together somehow. So like you can still smell the strong smell like alcohol, but it doesn't like burn your nostrils.

00:17:27

Jack

OK.

00:17:34

Jack

Yeah.

00:17:35

Xochitl

And so that was interesting. And my boyfriend and my sister said that the onion, like the smell of the onion, was kind of making them nauseous. But I didn't notice and they didn't tell me until after the.

00:17:47

Xochitl

No, because I guess they were further away so that, like, smelled weird to them. Yeah. And then my aunt really made me laugh because she kind of right next to me and she, but she didn't see she look right.

00:17:58

Xochitl

Kind.

00:17:58

Xochitl

Of in front of me. And so since she didn't see my onion she she was like, why does it smell guacamole?

00:18:08

Xochitl

And I'm like, huh?

00:18:10

Jack

That's. That's funny. Yeah, that's.

00:18:12

Xochitl

Yeah, that's a good moment of humor in all of it. So that really that.

00:18:15

Jack

Right, a little levity was probably what everyone needed in that.

00:18:20

발표자

Thanks.

00:18:21

Xochitl

Yeah. So you know, we had to laugh about that then it was. Yeah. There was some moments where definitely we had a couple laughs and then yeah, we went back home and and that was.

00:18:31

Xochitl

Kind of it.

00:18:32

Xochitl

There was some certain things you do with the body. Like I got to see his body and it was different because my grand, the way my grandmother passed her body.

00:18:41

Xochitl

Looked very different and then when my grandfather passed, when they put him in the casket, it just looked like he was sleeping.

00:18:48

Xochitl

And and they put like coins in his pocket for his passage and shoe. Special shoes. Like what? I took, just like on him, which are traditional shoes.

00:18:58

Xochitl

So and different things and and my sister and I said we why didn't we didn't give any of this to.

00:19:03

Xochitl

My grandmother and.

00:19:06

Xochitl

And so we just we gave him extra money to pay for our passage because we thought she might be waiting. Since no one gave her any money to pay for her passage.

00:19:16

Jack

Yeah.

00:19:18

Jack

You.

00:19:19

Jack

That's interesting. It sounds like there's like a lot of little little things that you have to to do.

00:19:19

Xochitl

And.

00:19:25

Xochitl

Yeah, like a lot of little.

00:19:26

Xochitl

Things you have to remember.

00:19:27

Jack

Yeah.

00:19:29

Jack

Yeah.

00:19:30

Xochitl

Big things, yeah.

00:19:31

Xochitl

How how are?

00:19:32

Xochitl

Korean funerals. Jack, I'm curious about that. I've never been to one. I've seen them in, like, catering those and movies. But I've never like.

00:19:39

Xochitl

Been to one.

00:19:40

Jack

Yeah. So the.

00:19:42

Jack

Korean funerals are interesting. They're they're very different. It's.

00:19:46

Jack

The my my wife's grandmother passed. Probably going on. Oh gosh, 10 or or.

00:19:55

Jack

12 years ago, something like that.

00:19:58

Jack

And what happens is there's there's kind of an extra wing of of a hospitals that are kind of set up for funerals.

00:20:10

Jack

And what happens is.

00:20:13

Jack

The the body is is cremated for the most part in Korea. That's the the tradition. I think it probably comes down to the size of the country land is.

00:20:28

Xochitl

Population.

00:20:30

Jack

Yeah, exactly. It's it's it's, it's it's rare to to bury a body.

00:20:38

Jack

And so the body is, is prepared and and cremated at the at that facility that is attached to the hospital I believe. And then in the hospital you get like a A room.

00:20:54

Jack

And it's it's a large room with an eating area, and then there's a a nice a very nice photograph of the deceased person.

00:21:06

Jack

And kind of like almost like a shrine kind of set up.

00:21:11

Jack

You know, flowers and things like that.

00:21:14

Jack

And outside, when you when you enter this this large room.

00:21:22

Jack

The.

00:21:24

Jack

Like your your the company you work for will always send flowers and it's the flower. Arrangements are always these kind of tall.

00:21:34

Jack

Flower arrangements with a big ribbon expressing condolences. And so I think the the more.

00:21:45

Jack

The more influential you were, or the more people you know, you knew, the more flowers are sent. You know, so it it can it. It's very important, I think, to to have a lot of those outside, outside the door. When people enter, when you when you.

00:22:05

Jack

Enter the room, people. You will give some money. And so there was one family member that's sitting there collecting an envelope of of money.

00:22:18

Jack

That goes to the family to pay for the fuel costs and whatever other things that need to be paid for.

00:22:32

Jack

Mm-hmm.

00:22:32

Jack

And and then there's there's some food where you can you sit, they invite you to, to sit down and have a meal. And there is no, there is no like, formal kind of ceremony thing in in that in, in that at that time you but what what happens is you have this this room.

00:22:52

Jack

This large room for three days.

00:22:56

Jack

So and that's what's so interesting to me is that the family stays there for three days, so there's like a I believe there's a bathroom and a shower and. And, you know, you can you sleep there and and, you know, people will get up at different hours and people will arrive at all.

00:23:16

Jack

Kinds of different hours.

00:23:19

Jack

And I think it goes back to maybe the older times during the.

00:23:27

Jack

The the Joseon dynasty, the the one before the the last dynasty in Korea.

00:23:35

Jack

And at those times, you know, if you were to hear about the passing of a relative, you would you would start your trek.

00:23:44

Jack

To that location. And so I think they three days is enough time for most people to make it there. Now. Nowadays it seems a little bit unnecessary or we could say antiquated, which just means like it's an older tradition that that no longer.

00:24:06

Jack

Is it still followed but it's it's not necessarily necessary because people can get there very quickly within, you know, a day you can get to the to the hospital and go to that special wing of the hospital where the.

00:24:25

Jack

I I guess the the.

00:24:28

Jack

The.

00:24:29

Jack

Paying respects to the.

00:24:31

Jack

Normally occurs and then there's an urn. An urn is is a a container, kind of a beautiful, ornate container that has the ashes inside of it. And that's also, I believe, up there with the photograph and.

00:24:51

Jack

People will, you know, come and and, you know, give their condolences to the fans.

00:24:56

Jack

Me, but that three day waiting period was kind of interesting to me and not waiting period. But the three day period of time where the family is stays together in that one place.

00:25:13

Jack

Kind of reminds me of what you were talking about of like staying awake with the body for of 48 hours.

00:25:22

Jack

UM.

00:25:24

Jack

There's there's something about that, and I I know there's another in the Jewish tradition, there's something called Sitting Shiva and Shiva is where?

00:25:34

Jack

The body is.

00:25:36

Jack

UM, sometimes it's in in a person's house and they sit with the body for.

00:25:44

Jack

I I don't remember exactly how many days, but people will come and they will sit down and they.

00:25:51

Jack

Will mourn with the family and then they will leave and other people will come and and come and go and it it's kind of interesting how some of these traditions seem to overlap.

00:26:06

Jack

A little bit like there's something about, maybe there's something.

00:26:12

Jack

Important about just sitting in your grief.

00:26:17

Jack

With your loved one who's past and.

00:26:21

Jack

And kind of getting a collective hug from all the people that knew that person and loved that person and you know, coming and sitting it with the family. I feel like in in American culture it's, you know, the the most we get is like.

00:26:38

Jack

You know someone will come up at the wake or or the funeral and say I'm sorry for your loss and then that's that's kind of it. You know, there isn't like a a longer it's kind of like this is uncomfortable. I want this to be over as quickly as possible and it seems like in Mexican culture and.

00:26:46

Jack

MHM.

00:26:56

Xochitl

Right.

00:26:58

Jack

Korean culture and and Judaism.

00:27:02

Jack

Jewish culture. There's something about.

00:27:05

Jack

Fighting through that discomfort and getting to a much more honest place where you can act, cry together, mourn together, laugh together sometimes there you know it. It's not always mournful. Sometimes they're happy.

00:27:25

Jack

Memories and and share they share stories and things like that. And so I thought it was. It was really beautiful. And there's one other aspect of Korean.

00:27:37

Jack

Funerals that are that are interesting and and that is the.

00:27:41

Jack

Close friends and family will do almost a a performative kind of weeping.

00:27:49

Jack

And now sometimes it's it's genuine. I'm, I'm sure. But I did see this happen and the woman was wailing and and and crying and and, you know, and I I don't understand Korean very well, but I, you know, it sounded like she's saying no, how can this be this is, you know.

00:28:10

Jack

Unfair and.

00:28:11

Jack

And then after she was done weeping all of a sudden, her face changed right back to normal.

00:28:18

Jack

And so I realized ohh this is a performative thing out out of, you know, paying respect to the person who's passed that, you know, showing how how much.

00:28:19

Xochitl

That's crazy.

00:28:33

Jack

You've stirred up my emotions internally, but it was interesting how she she kind of came out of it really quickly. And so I was, I was. I was really intrigued by by that aspect of it as well.

00:28:47

Xochitl

Yeah, I don't feel like a catharsis. I think as well, where, like, it's like, you get to let out all your mourning and wail as loudly as you want and everything. And then after it's over, you kind of just, like, empty, you know?

00:28:59

Jack

Yeah. Yeah, that's probably that's exactly what it is. I think that's what it is, because I I know that.

00:29:07

Jack

Some people were were a little bit uncomfortable with it or or I I noticed that maybe they because I'm a I'm a foreigner. They they were like ohh this. You know maybe I I don't know. If they were embarrassed a little bit or something of of this.

00:29:27

Jack

Happening, but I was just, you know, I didn't know. My wife's grandmother very closely. So for me.

00:29:38

Jack

Kind of being there was kind of an out of body experience. You know, I I felt like very much an observer kind of in a in a in a very foreign situation. And so almost like an anthropologist, I was kind of documenting all of this. The things that were occurring and kind of viewing it that way.

00:29:57

Jack

Yeah.

00:29:58

Xochitl

Hmm.

00:29:58

Jack

And yeah.

00:30:00

Xochitl

Like, just like it's it's funny, like. And they they come to our culture and they see, like, my mom was really shocked and cause actually in Mexican culture. Uh, I think it's normal to, you know, to cry like that to a little bit at least. And and American culture is really not we're kind of more cool than rigid. And so I remember when my mom.

00:30:20

Xochitl

Came to.

00:30:24

Xochitl

The US and had to attend a funeral. She thought it was so weird. How, like even the closest family wasn't like breaking down?

00:30:32

발표자

Yeah.

00:30:33

Xochitl

She saw it as like very strange. And it's funny because they have like a completely opposite experience when they come to our culture as well. And for me, it was fun. It was like such a moment of being by cultural because, like, when at the funeral going the casket, I.

00:30:52

Xochitl

And I thought I was going to think.

00:30:55

Xochitl

UMI was talking about it on the way back in the car.

00:30:59

Xochitl

On the way back to from Mexico City to Oaxaca, I met. So was my dad and my aunt and my mom there. And, you know, so driving back and.

00:31:09

Xochitl

I was like, oh, yeah, I I thought I was going to think, but I've never seen anyone pull out the like a bag of onions before, but it it really helped. And my mom said, yeah, it's a really common thing to take when you're bearing your body, at least in Mexico City, because it's like it's thought to help protect against people fainting.

00:31:29

Jack

Yeah.

00:31:30

Xochitl

And my dad said, why would? Why would you faint like he asked me that?

00:31:35

Xochitl

And my mom rolled her eye.

00:31:41

Xochitl

She looks so annoyed. It was very funny because it's kind of like I get.

00:31:45

Jack

The answer is.

00:31:45

Xochitl

Where what? He called me.

00:31:47

Xochitl

Yeah, they're, like, totally different.

00:31:48

Jack

Sorry, the answer is so obvious, it's just such a a funny question. You know it's like.

00:31:56

Jack

Be because you know my close, you know, relative has just passed. And of course, you know, that's why.

00:32:04

Jack

The in American culture, the the idea of Stoicism is, is so strong, it's like we almost respect it right when they don't cry, because they'll, they'll, you know, in the car ride home, they'll say, oh, look how brave she was. Look how brave he was. Those are things I've heard.

00:32:24

Jack

You know, my parents say before, after a funeral, and it's like, why do we need to be brave at this time? Shouldn't we be totally raw and vulnerable and just, you know, exposed to nerve?

00:32:27

Xochitl

Right.

00:32:38

Jack

And and and just. You know what it? Why does it have to be so clean and and and and and, dare I say cold? Yeah. Polished. Yeah.

00:32:47

발표자

Polished.

00:32:50

Xochitl

It's like a.

00:32:50

Xochitl

It's a performance as well. Just how it's funny, like just how you know, we might see other cultures performing grief and and like a vulnerable outward fashion. They probably see us performing. Stoicism is very like bizarre behavior.

00:33:09

발표자

Right.

00:33:10

Jack

Right when you because it's the because the actions don't match the gravity of the situation.

00:33:16

Jack

It's like.

00:33:17

Xochitl

Right.

00:33:18

Jack

The yeah, they're they're almost. It's almost like, uhm, you're accessing all this willpower to just not feel something.

00:33:28

Xochitl

Thank you.

00:33:30

Jack

And and and then and then when people get home and then they're alone, they completely break down.

00:33:38

Jack

Because they've been suppressing all of these emotions for the last couple days so.

00:33:45

Jack

I I don't know. I'm I I I really like the Korean funeral. If I if I got to choose, I would be OK with a a Korean funeral.

00:33:58

Jack

That'd be OK with me.

00:34:00

Xochitl

Hey I think I want a mix of both.

00:34:01

Xochitl

Cultures. For me, I like.

00:34:03

Xochitl

I don't want people to have to, like, sit in the hospital and watch me suffer to death, you know? But you know, it ultimately the funerals for.

00:34:10

Xochitl

The people who loved you during your life and If however they need to grieve, I think that's OK.

00:34:17

Xochitl

With me, you know.

00:34:18

Jack

Yeah, yeah, I absolutely, absolutely. And in the Korean funeral, there's, you know, there's soju, which is an alcoholic drink is served pretty.

00:34:31

Jack

Should I say liberally? Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. And I think that maybe helps suppress some of the emotions, but.

00:34:32

발표자

No problem.

00:34:45

Jack

Yeah. Ultimately I I, I I found it to be a beautiful experience, even though it was a a tragic one, but.

00:34:54

Jack

Yeah. I I yeah, maybe maybe there's something we can take away from each culture and, you know, put all the good parts together and and and have do it that way. You know, so.

00:35:11

Jack

Yeah.

00:35:12

Xochitl

You still have to let us know what few traditions are like in your home country. I'm really curious because I know there are some other cultures that also have extended like lakes and yeah, I'm just really curious to know how you guys celebrate the life of those who passed on or how you mourn. So make sure we just comment.

00:35:30

Xochitl

And below at A-Z englishpodcast.com shoot us an e-mail at at English podcast.

00:35:34

Xochitl

At gmail.com.

00:35:36

Xochitl

And make sure to join the we chat on.

00:35:40

Xochitl

WhatsApp groups.

00:35:41

Xochitl

Remember the Jack and I are also having an English corner. Now that we do Monday to Friday and that is for one hour in the morning for me and in the evening Jack's time. So you'll have to message Jack directly to get the details.

00:35:56

Xochitl

But yeah, it's only $10 USD a month and you get 20 classes, so that's pretty good. $0.50 a class. Yeah, and it's just really great. You get to converse and we we have topics like these that we talk about and it's just really nice environment friendly environment in there.

00:36:04

Jack

Yeah.

00:36:14

Jack

Yeah, very friendly, yeah.

00:36:17

Xochitl

All right. See you. Thank you. Bye. Bye, bye.

00:36:18

발표자

Bye.

00:36:19

Jack

OK.

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