Parhaat Bible Stories For Atheists Podcastit (2024)

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Creation Pt. 5 - One Last Camp with Dad 1:15:39

2M ago1:15:39

1:15:39

Welcome to the season finale! Creation is over and it's all down hill from here. We find out that Abraham wasn't the best dad. At least until he gets his son laid! That's the best way to make up for the whole sacrifice thing. Thank you for listening! Hopefully you learned something, even if it was how much of dumbasses we are. We'll be back soon, e…

1
Creation Pt. 4 - Lot's Bad Day 1:25:40

2M ago1:25:40

1:25:40

You think you have it hard? You think you have bad neighbors? You think you have family problems? Well, I'm Lot. A mild mannered sodomite that never bothered anyone. And I was a proud sodomite. I sought to unite sodomites in love and acceptance! To reject all the awful crap God told us to do to people. That's what us sodomites are known for. Radica…

1
Creation Pt. 3 - A Covenant of Covenants 1:03:55

2M ago1:03:55

1:03:55

Sorry, in a rush this week. You'll have to make up your own funny quips and pretend they're in this description. On this week's episode: - Tower of Babel - We meet Abram/Abraham - A big piece of evidence that Moses didn't write Genesis. - The War of the Nine Kings - And we read an email from friend of the show, Dwight For the flood story with the s…

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Creation Pt. 2 - Killing Cain 1:29:16

3M ago1:29:16

1:29:16

Have you given YOUR firstlings to the Lord? If you don't, your brother might and then where will you be? No regard from the Lord. How are you going to make it in this world without the Lord's regard? You'll end up stripping at Jezaballs for Chucky Cheese tokens! And we let the flood pour over us. Turns out there are two completely different flood s…

1
Creation Pt. 1 - In a Gadda Da Vida 1:28:14

3M ago1:28:14

1:28:14

In the beginning, we'll lay out the building blocks of our 6000 year old universe. And explain that hard, blue shell up there that gets dark at night when you can see the holes in it, or what "NASA" calls "stars". And we talk about the first people. The lab rats in this odd experiment gone horribly infallible. Turns out not knowing right and wrong …

1
Creation Series Trailer 2:29

3M ago2:29

2:29

New 5 episode series coming every Sunday starting August 4th. We'll be covering the first half of Genesis. Insert witty jokes here. Too much crap to do today to do it myself. Send us a text Support the show Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com Reddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheists YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleathei…

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Community Hour 26:25

5M ago26:25

26:25

Hey folks! For our episode today we're changing things up. We're going to be switching to a more "seasonal" model. The plan is we'll get a few episodes lined up around a theme and put them out weekly. So that's the plan, but you should still listen to the episode because we're really funny when we explain it. Like funnier than I was when I just exp…

1
Hail, Satan! 1:30:34

5M ago1:30:34

1:30:34

This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan. Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost thei…

1
Pshitty Psalms 1:07:36

6M ago1:07:36

1:07:36

We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype. It doesn't. Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit. I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have…

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1 Kings Pt. 4 - Adventures in Kingdom Splitting 50:20

7M ago50:20

50:20

The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure! So Jeroboam comes back fr…

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1 Kings Pt. 3 - A Biblical Guide to Banging 1000 Chicks 1:02:50

7M ago1:02:50

1:02:50

Send us a text Support the show Website - https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com Reddit - https://www.reddit.com/r/bibleatheists YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bibleatheists Donate - https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bsfaKirjoittanut Bible Stories for Atheists

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1 Kings Pt. 2 - Adventures in Baby Splitting 1:01:20

8M ago1:01:20

1:01:20

David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto. It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his…

1
(Re-Release) Dr. Sheol's 1:32:44

8M ago1:32:44

1:32:44

“Was the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?” by ReligionForBreakfast – https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-A Crucifying Tony Stark – https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120 Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least that’s what he tells some Pharisee’s who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up. Also, Jesus is asked important…

1
1 Kings Pt. 1 - Bosom Buddies 1:18:12

9M ago1:18:12

1:18:12

We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different. The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and …

1
2 Samuel Pt. 8 - Numbers and How to Count Them 1:09:00

9M ago1:09:00

1:09:00

Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all! We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles. Oh yeah! And…

1
2 Samuel Pt. 7 - Error 404: God Not Found 1:08:17

9M ago1:08:17

1:08:17

We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart. 2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact …

1
2 Samuel Pt. 6 - Man Kisses Gone Wrong 1:08:57

10M ago1:08:57

1:08:57

Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit. - Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long. - David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul. - MOAR GIANTS!!1! - And some politically charged poetry Hearts and kisses…

1
The Case for Christ Review, Or: I Don't Need Your Help, But Thanks 1:10:55

10M ago1:10:55

1:10:55

Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors! We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions. Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you se…

1
(Re-Release) Holy Sheet 1:43:10

11M ago1:43:10

1:43:10

We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon. A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport. We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus. We ta…

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(Re-Release) Goodness Gracious Great Tongues of Fire! 1:28:02

11M ago1:28:02

1:28:02

We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels. Judas gets replaced. The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire. And the early church starts getting persecuted simply f…

1
2 Samuel Pt. 5 - TREE-Son 1:15:26

12M ago1:15:26

1:15:26

David's been kicked out of his kingdom by his son and returns to the wilderness. Luckily his son seems to have really bad advisors. We get some crazy propaganda. As always. And the feud between David and his son is resolved. David definitely had nothing to do with it. This is our last episode for about a month and a half and I'm just ready to be do…

1
2 Samuel Pt. 4 - Uhhhgghghggghgggghhhhhh 1:21:24

1y ago1:21:24

1:21:24

Ugh uhhh ugh. Ughg ghgggh uggghhh ughg guhg. Ugh ghhhgh ugh God ughg. Ugh ugh ghgugh ugh bible bullshit. Ughg ugh uhghghg ghg ugh. Ugh gugh ugh David. Ugh ugh ghgugh fucked up rich kids. Ughghghg ugh ghughg ugh runs like a wuss. Ugh gghgu ugh gugh incest rape. Ugh ghgh uguhg the speaker of the national house of representatives gets his moral guidan…

1
2 Samuel Pt. 3 - Ewe, David! 1:32:56

1y ago1:32:56

1:32:56

Welp, talk about a roller coaster. We start with David getting God's promise to have a descendant on the throne forever (fingers likely crossed), to adultery, murder and divine infanticide. But dudes in dresses reading children's books, that's the problem? It's the story of Bathsheba. And by the story of Bathsheba, I mean she was present for some e…

1
2 Samuel Pt. 2 - ChippenDavids 1:16:42

1y ago1:16:42

1:16:42

Like with all the other enemies of David, things really fall apart for Saul's son, Ishbaal. I won't spoil anything but he dies and David becomes king of the entire land of Israel and Judah. We start really getting into 1 Chronicles and talk about where the book came from and the differences with the books of Samuel and Kings. We find out that David…

1
2 Samuel Pt. 1 - Abner's Series of Unfortunate Events 1:11:55

1y ago1:11:55

1:11:55

We kick off 2 Samuel with David "mourning" for his dead "friends" that he "didn't have killed". And actually immediately we start with a completely different version of how Saul died. Which kicks off the bullshit parade of David being absolutely perfect and having no malice for his enemies who just happen to keep dropping dead as soon as he leaves …

1
(Re-Release) Better Call Paul 1:39:00

1y ago1:39:00

1:39:00

Between Linz having a migraine and our self isolating due to a COVID exposure, this episode was doomed to be amazing. This is the third installment of our 4 part series on the Book of Acts and it starts with a freakin' wizard! A wizard named Bar-wait for it-Jesus! In the middle of cursing the wizard, Saul changes his name to Paul and will never be …

1
Eye C.U.P.s 1:01:44

1y ago1:01:44

1:01:44

We're taking a break from the bible to learn a little about some ancient superstitions. Well, OTHER ancient superstitions. Have you ever had a baby give you menacing grimace? Has an ex-lover given you a chilling side-eye? Have you ever been some where in public and possibly had someone look at you even without your knowledge? THEN YOU MAY BE CURSED…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 8 - Saul, You in Danger, Girl! 42:50

1y ago42:50

42:50

We wrap up the book of 1 Samuel and even though Samuel has been dead for a while he's not going to let that stop him from showing up in his own book. David's town gets raided but luckily the raiders are much better people than David is. They leave all the women and children alive when they take them. Then David shows up to take them back and kills …

1
1 Samuel Pt. 7 - Easing Nature with Saul 1:07:44

1y ago1:07:44

1:07:44

David goes on the run from Saul! Ducking his attempts to capture him and living life as a fugitive. Just like that Harrison Ford movie. What was it called? Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull? Good thing for Saul, when David gets a chance to kill him he chooses not to. And Saul sees the errors of his ways, forgiving David for the wrong doing he did…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 6 - The Gayest Story Ever Told 1:10:32

1y ago1:10:32

1:10:32

BREAKING NEWS: Saul sours on short sultry servant, David! See! I could have written headlines during bible times. Talk about a short honeymoon period. David gets done killing Goliath and immediately some school girls come up with a jump rope song about David killing more people than Saul. So Saul gets all agro and starts throwing spears around will…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 5 - He Might Be Giant? 1:12:29

1y ago1:12:29

1:12:29

We finally cover the ultimate David and Goliath story... David and Goliath! God, tired of having a tall, handsome king, has shifted his focus to a short, handsome king. And like an 80s New York real estate baron, he doesn't give a shit if there's overlap. Like maybe file for divorce BEFORE anointing the next one, right? We also find a big narrative…

1
(Re-Release) Nativity: The Musical 1:15:12

1y ago1:15:12

1:15:12

Merry Christmas, sinners & sodomites! In this week’s episode we dive into the gospels with the birth of our lord and savior. A story so vital and so foundational to the religion that it only appears in two of the gospels. But that’s ok, because in the two we have the stories line up perfectly, with minor exceptions for the time, place, events and p…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 4 - God's Not Here Man 57:54

1y ago57:54

57:54

Ok. NOW Saul is king, I guess. So there is your happy ending to the story. Nothing could possibly-- What's that? God's already done with him? Ughhhhhh... Saul pisses off the all powerful Lord by cooking meat without a license. Samuel pulled him over and cited him for sacrificing without bribing a priest. Thus our God of Love passes judgement like a…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 3 - Samuel Saw Saul 1:00:10

1y ago1:00:10

1:00:10

I know what you're thinking. WHEN THE HELL IS ISRAEL GOING TO HAVE A KING!??!!? I know. It's frustrating. I've been there many times before. But in the words of esteemed Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Samuel begrudgingly tells everyone that since they have rejected God being their king, probably because nothing seemed to get d…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 2 - Tumors of the Lost Ark 59:15

1+ y ago59:15

59:15

In our second episode on 1 Samuel it's all about the Ark of the Covenant! That's right, the GodBox that guarantees victory over your enemies. And we start with a story of Israel not only losing to their enemies but having the Ark stolen from them... So what was the point of the Ark again? God gets real testy with the folks who steal the Ark. Of cou…

1
1 Samuel Pt. 1 - Womb Raider 58:33

1+ y ago58:33

58:33

Kicking off a new bible book strong with talk of barren women, boarding school, priests mistaking prayer for drunkenness, and shitty sons who steal meat. That's right, what other book could this be than 1 Samuel? Samuel is the profit (sp?) that ends up appointing Saul to be king, realizing that was a fuck up and then appointing David, which works o…

1
50 Shades of Heeeeeyyyyyyyyy!!! 1:44:07

1+ y ago1:44:07

1:44:07

WOO HOO! 50 EPISODES! So there's that. We are joined by Josh's mom, Jill to give us a Christian perspective as we talk all things Christian. We talk about everything in this SEO-friendly bullet list: Leaving religion The Waco miniseries 7th Day Adventists A crazy Jehovah's Witness dream Jill had Trixie Mattel Pornhub Church abuse Sister Cindy Heali…

1
Judges Pt. 4 - You've Got Mail... Femail 1:17:45

1+ y ago1:17:45

1:17:45

Wrapping up Judges with some good old fashioned sexism, violence and mayhem! If you thought Jephthah's story was tragic, just you wait. We meet a certain Levite who turns out to be Moses' grandson. An ambitious young man who doesn't seem to be bothered by Micah breaking all the laws his grandfather came up with. And when his concubine runs away he …

1
Judges Pt. 3 - 30 Things I Hate About You 1:47:15

1+ y ago1:47:15

1:47:15

Ooooh boy. This episode was so good we had to record it twice! We start off with an amazing story about a father and daughter and the things we do for the Lord. And the things the Lord lets us do for him despite being a loving, all knowing and all powerful Lord. Our first Judge this episode is Jephthah. A guy that likes to make weirdly specific pro…

1
(Re-Release) You're a Good Man, Pontius Pilate 1:47:26

1+ y ago1:47:26

1:47:26

This is it folks. The crucifixion. The grand climax. Where God’s Holy Spirit comes on all of us. But first we find out what happened to Judas, who realized what a Judas he had been to Jesus. But of course, no one can say for sure what happened to him. Jesus is put on trial before Pontius Pilate who oddly comes across as a pretty decent dude. Too de…

1
Judges Pt. 2 - God's Seventh Evil Ex-Boyfriend 1:36:36

1+ y ago1:36:36

1:36:36

The bible is SO PRO-WOMAN! As you'll be able to tell from the story of Deborah, the only female Judge. Her story is well balanced in comparison to the story of Gideon, the other Judge for this episode. Gideon is the closest we get to a scientist in the bible, what with his not trusting a single sign from God and requiring further evidence. Moist, s…

1
Judges Pt. 1 - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap 1:27:20

1+ y ago1:27:20

1:27:20

Sit down, Judge Judy! We're talking about Judge SHAMGAR!!! That's an EPIC name for a judge, isn't it? It's going to be an amazing story, right!? The point of the Book of Judges is to fill in the gaps between Joshua and the Israelites "demanding" their first king. A cycle, similar to Exodus, where the chosen people continually let God down, get span…

1
Joshua Pt. 3 - Josh Dies at the End 1:40:51

1+ y ago1:40:51

1:40:51

We wrap up the Book of Joshua and boy does it make time stand still. Apparently God makes the sun stand still for a whole day and somehow that didn't cause everything and everyone to go flying off into space. Why would a god capable of doing that tell people to kill each other? Probably to teach us a lesson about faithfulness. Excuse the meow's in …

1
Easter - Chocolate Covered Zombie Jesus 1:12:26

1+ y ago1:12:26

1:12:26

You remember that part of the bible when Jesus performed the miracle of getting a rabbit to lay chocolate, cream filled eggs? No? Well then you're just not reading the bible right. We dig into what the hell happened for Christians to turn Jesus' resurrection into a fertility festival geared toward grooming children into their "lifestyle". Eostre, I…

1
Joshua Pt. 2 - Joshua and the Giant Heap 1:17:14

1+ y ago1:17:14

1:17:14

We all remember the songs about Joshua and the Battle of Jericho and the cartoons and the children's books. All those glorious money-making forms of "art" that taught children valuable lessons about walking in circles around a city and not shouting until God says it's ok, while ignoring that the story was about divinely mandated genocide. Let's pla…

1
Joshua Pt. 1 - Rinse and Repeat, Repeat and Rinse 1:25:00

1+ y ago1:25:00

1:25:00

I'll be honest. This episode is about crossing a river. We cover 5 chapters of the bible, and at the beginning of it some people are on one side of a river, and at the end those people are on the other side of the river. If you're into rivers, this episode is for you. If you loved River Phoenix in the 1992 cinema masterpiece "Sneakers" then this ep…

1
(Re-Release) All About the He Said, She Said Bull$#!* 1:56:58

1+ y ago1:56:58

1:56:58

While reading Genesis in our first several episodes, I noticed odd things. The same stories repeated, stories with inconsistent details, and conflicting commandments. Things I’m sure I noticed growing up as a Christian, but I wrote off as a lack of biblical knowledge on my part. I started doing research into what modern science and scholars can tel…

1
Jonah - What an Ashole! 1:19:51

1+ y ago1:19:51

1:19:51

We finally cover the story of the little wooden prophet who wanted to be a real boy so bad he ended up in the belly of a whale. Ok, so he wasn't wooden, didn't want to be a real boy, and it was a fish and not a whale. But still! Hear the iconic tale of Jonah being swallowed for a fi... oh it's over? Just like that, it's just done? Well how are we g…

1
The Book of Josh 1:40:30

2y ago1:40:30

1:40:30

We dive deep into Josh. Or at least Josh's past. How he went from devout Christian to a raging atheist. Was it because of all the Carmen, dc talk, and POD he listened to growing up? Was it because he learned about creationism from Canned Hamm? Was it because he went to a Christian university that didn't allow dancing? Nope. Ultimately it's God's fa…

1
Esther - Haman Pockets 1:12:56

2y ago1:12:56

1:12:56

We take on the 2nd and last book named for a woman. Will she be a feminist icon? No. I'll just let you know that now. But she will make a few decisions for herself. So yay for progress. Have you ever wondered, "What's up with the Jewish holiday of Purim?" I know you have. I heard you whispering about it into your pillow at night. "Where did Purim c…

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