Ep 15 - How to Eliminate Stress: Master your Emotional State with Christine Monaghan

"The Life I Deserve" presents "The Goal Show" by Adrian McMillian

Christine is a human-potential champion. She believes that stress is optional and when understood can be utilized to source the next brilliant opportunity in one or multiple life areas. Others describe her as the master motivator and influencer, for tapping into solutions, for the next best version of yourself. She is a Stress Solutions Consultant, training individuals and organizations to source solutions by shifting their focus from what they don't want, don't want to feel, to inspired-action, for what they do want to feel. Christine’s successes include:

World-class event production (80,000+ attendees) and national revenue-generating promotions;
She’s secured million's in sponsorship and sales (Fortune 500 companies);
Creator of a national multi-city human-potential series (300+ seminars in Indigo/Chapters bookstores); Author, Heartbroke, An Entrepreneurs Journey from near Death to Possibilities; Internationally profiled podcast host.

What you’ll learn in this episode!
Why and how, stress is an option!
Tools you can use to reduce and/or eliminate your stress!
What to do when you feel overwhelmed.

Links:
http://christinemonaghan.com
https://www.instagram.com/dailylifemastery

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Christine shared with us, some great advice, for eliminating stress!! 😃
Controlling your emotions is a critical, first-step, to ultimately achieve the life you deserve!
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http://TheLifeIDeserve.com/control

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Full Show Transcript

Christine: Hey, Adrian, thank you for having me.

Adrian: Thank you for being here. Now, I've known you for probably about a year. I have the fortunate opportunity to be in the same mastermind group as you. So I know that you know your stuff.

Christine: All right, well, it depends on the day, but thank you. I'll take that.

Adrian: So yes, you continually impress me because you set big goals, you go after those goals, and I never get a sense of stress from you. So I know that you practice what you preach. And I would love for my audience to get to know a little bit about your background. So if you want to just kind of elaborate a little bit beyond the intro.

Christine: Sure. Sure. Absolutely, and thank you, it was a generous introduction and I do get stressed, but we can talk about that as we go along. So I grew up in a very idyllic upbringing, in actually Oak Bay, which is in Victoria, BC, and it's in Canada. And I like to refer to it as growing up in a glass bubble because it was really beautiful, we lived half a block from the beach. We went to the tennis club, we went to the rocket club. I really did have a wonderful, blessed childhood. And my parents are very lovely parents. I have memories of them dancing around and singing and having all their parties that they would have, and everybody all dressed up and eating maraschino cherries off the kitchen counter when I should have been in bed. It really was a fabulous upbringing, and I was very, very fortunate. We had everything you could ever want.
Below that layer and veneer of this incredible, idyllic childhood, there were some challenges that went on, like there are in all households. And I really think that in the end, those challenges really helped me to become who I've become, and actually offer what I offer in the world. And I was blessed, my father was a lawyer and became a judge and a politician. And I spent a week at the Bay Short in Vancouver with Pierre Trudeau, who was then the prime minister, and had lunch and went swimming, really had some incredible experiences and was exposed to some wonderful things growing up.
Mixed in with that were some challenges within the family, and you know, they are what they are. We all, I think, grew into becoming who we all are, the four kids, as a result of that. And I'm just very thankful that I had parents who were fortunate enough to allow me to be exposed to some of these experiences and who told us to always go for it. So we all had kind of a core sense of self in us that kind of sets you up or doesn't.

Adrian: Awesome. And how did you go from your upbringing into a career in dealing with stress?

Christine: Right. So, without going into the details of the story in my own family because it's really not my story to share, it's one of my parents' stories to share. So it's not that I'm being elusive, it's just not my story to share. There was a lot of emotional upheavals, and there was a lot of anxiety and worry and whatnot that went along with this very idyllic life that everyone felt that we had. And so I didn't set out to do what I'm doing right now, but as I evolved in growing into the next best version of myself, and then as I became an entrepreneur and started working with entrepreneurs, the thing that I noticed that everyone was struggling with that was really the gap between where they were and where they wanted to be was the level of stress that they chose to function and operate on each day. And to that end, really what their thoughts were and what their mindset was.
And so it's just evolved into it. And the more I kind of claim my own potential, the more I've claimed yeah, that's actually what I want to help others to master, is this sense of you're not your thoughts, and you can decide what your thoughts are, and your thoughts are going to absolutely dictate and influence what you are or are not able to achieve and what sort of life you'll live.

Adrian: Right. You know, it's very interesting. I grew up and I can show pictures of me growing up where you can tell there wasn't a lot of money there. We had our challenges, but it's interesting, and I would love to hear your perspective on this, you and I, we were very aware that everybody has stress. This is one of the things we study in self-development. But it must be interesting growing up in what appears to be an idyllic life and then ... but everybody has stress. We know that. We know there are people who seem to be incredibly successful, at the top of their game, and they still have stress. And when those of us who did not come from that type of life growing up, we sometimes go why? How is that possible? It seems like they have it all.

Christine: Yeah. And from the outside, and if you grew up in Oak Bay, everybody knew the Monaghan Family. And it was like wow, this beautiful family, and they've got everything and they're like picture-perfect. And in a lot of ways we were, and again, I had a great childhood. But there was a lot of worry and anxiety and stress that was, now I look back, and it was actually unnecessary. But how do you know what you don't know? We don't get taught this in elementary school, we don't get taught in high school. We're not taught about emotional intelligence and how to actually carry yourself in such a way that you can trust in what you're putting out there and that you actually lead from the place of what do I want versus all these what ifs, right? And so many spend their days and their lives coming from this place of what if, which is all about fear.
So at the end of the day, if you're in a state of stress, you're in a state of fear. You're not in a state of love. You can't be in both at the same time. So the gift in living with the scenario I lived with, and again, I'm not trying to be elusive, it's just not my story to tell, is that fear is just an unnecessary, and it's a habit. And you can change that worn-out habit. And in today's society, you look with politically and advertising everything, it all comes from this fear-based, you know, you've gotta sign up today or it'll be gone tomorrow, and it's only gonna cost this today or tomorrow ... it's all fear-based. Most of it is fear-based, and that's why so many people are revolting against the media. It's like, you know what, things are changing. People are going no, you don't need to feed me fear in order to get me to listen.
And so we've kind of, as a culture, decided that fear's the norm. And my whole thing is stress is not the norm and stress is optional. And you're going to experience stress, you're going to have stressful things happen, but how you respond to it versus react to it dictates or influences what happens next. It's like you said, you never seem stressed. This last year has probably been one of the most stressful years for me in probably 15 years, but I've just trained myself to say okay, when this is going on, whatever it is, I'm going to choose to find the possibility in it and I am not gonna let it take me out. And I have a whole bunch of tools and learning and experience now that comes from years of discovering this stuff.
So that's what I try and impart on others. And part of that is getting comfortable being uncomfortable. Right? And then from all that, you get to grow into being that next best version of you. So yeah.

Adrian: Yeah, you know, and I love that you said stress is an option. Because I've heard so many people, we've all heard so many people say this is just a stressful situation. That is just a stressful situation. That person caused me stress. When really, we know that no, Jack Canfield teachings, E+R=O. Situations just happen. Events just happen. Things just happen. And if you want to just assume that that just equals stress, you're missing a huge part. You're missing that option. You're missing the idea, knowing that you have that option. You have the opportunity to choose how to process that.

Christine: Yeah, and with that, so you get to choose whether you get to look at that situation, could be very stressful. It's not about pretending it's not stressful, but it's about coming from the place of, okay, it is stressful. What am I gonna focus on to get it to where it needs to be? Because if you keep on focusing on the what ifs, what ifs, it just creates more of the what ifs. And so it's an old habit. It's an old habit, which is basically a belief that you either inherited or you've somehow along the way created. And it's worn out and you need to replace it. So I always say well, like I have this mantra, wonderful things are happening for me today. So if I'm having a particularly challenging day, which I do, just like everybody else, I'll put my phone on and every 20 minutes the timer will go off and I'll repeat, wonderful things are happening for me today. I might not feel that way, but will focus on what I'm feeling, which is kind of mucky, or the stress of it, that's not changing anything either. So worry, anxiety, fear is a total energy drainer. It's a complete waste of time. And we can program ourselves to no focus on that and focus on what we do want.

Adrian: I agree. And I think a lot of people don't realize how devastating stress can be. If they decide to process things and turn that into stress and harbor that stress, it is so damaging in so many ways. Our health, our mental health, our physical health.

Christine: Yeah. It's ridiculous. One in four Canadians, I live in Canada, it's probably the same if not more in the U.S., are experiencing anxiety, fear, depression, some form of mental illness. 30 billion dollars annually is spent on what they call presentism. And presentism is when Joe Blow shows up for work and he's so stressed out that he's just physically showing up, but he's not actually there mentally, physically, or productively. And until companies start to really understand the cost of not creating a healthy culture for their employees, then they might as well just throw the money out the door instead of having that employee show up. So it is a huge, huge challenge, and the more everybody starts to just acknowledge it and starts to get the skills so they can respond versus react like you said, then the more that whole shift takes place.
But it's like when I talk to these HR directors who have got like 50,000 employees, and I'll do a virtual workshop for them, my question is always are you gonna be part of the problem, or are you gonna be part of the solution? Are you the HR, the leader, so lead as you want to follow. If you're leading, lead these people as you would like to follow. So are you leading from the place of the problem, or are you leading from the place of the solution? Are you going to be part of that problem that reinforces stress as being the norm, or are you going to step out and claim, I'm going to be the leader that says stress is optional, and this is what I'm going to do to support and influence my people to have a very different experience.

Adrian: That sounds amazing. I would love if you could share with us, a case study or two about, without revealing any private information, but something or a team or a company or a department that you worked with, the transformation that you were able to ...

Christine: Yeah, I mean the transformations are really quite remarkable, and sometimes I have to look at go wow, I really influenced that person or that scenario to shift like that. And then I have to kind of claim it myself and go well, you've been doing this training and coaching and learning and experiencing for like 25 years now, so you gotta claim it, which is part of the whole thing. So I have one individual who is a payroll director of 50,000 people. And the amount of responsibility on this person is enormous. And just very simple tools.
I'm all about simplicity. No complex diagrams and all that stuff, let's just get down to the basics. So in my master plan process, they create their master plan and then they have their monthly goal achieving schedule, and then they've got the daily five. And within that, if they follow that, I always say take Monday morning and make Monday morning the first two hours of your day and focus on what you're going to map out for the entire week. Get your week organized. And then Friday morning, do the same thing in reverse. Clean up everything that you said you were gonna do that you haven't done, and really keep yourself on task. And that's how you close the gap from where you are to where you want to be.
But there are so many stress tools, and what happens is people, so many people are so afraid, afraid to lose their job, they're afraid, there's all this flipping fear that's running around that's running the show. It's like you've gotta just pause and go, I need to make a choice that is not fear-based right now. What is the choice I would make right now? And I say to my entrepreneurs, if you were a millionaire or if you were a three, four, five time millionaire, what choice would you make right now in this situation? And then they'll say blah blah blah and I'll go, that's the choice you need to make. Now you have to show up for yourself. So it's about your level of belief then in yourself and it's about okay, I've gotta show up for myself because if I did have 10 million in the bank then I'd make this choice. And I go, that's the choice you're gonna make.

Adrian: I love that.

Christine: And that's uncomfortable, but you've gotta get comfortable being uncomfortable. And you and I, we've talked about that over and over again.

Adrian: Right. And so many people, they think, once I get there, I'll start acting differently. I'll start behaving differently, I will deal with things in a different way. And I love that you said that. You need to go ahead and do that now. It is not something that will happen when you get there, it's what needs to happen to get there.

Christine: Exactly. Because it's who you grow into becoming when you get there. When we do the master planning and I have them come up with their goals, and it's an interesting, fun process, but it's not about ... of course you want to achieve the goal, but it's who you become to get the goal. I always say, if you were the person that you're gonna be when you get that goal, then you'd already be that person and you already would have that goal achieved. So you need to quit focusing on the goal and focus on the person you need to become to achieve that goal.

Adrian: Mm-hmm (affirmative)

Christine: And if you do that, things start happening and things start falling into place. Wow, how did that land, how did that land, right?

Adrian: Exactly.

Christine: That's when things become fun and magical.

Adrian: I agree. How do you deal with culture? Because going into companies, I imagine this is something that's a big factor in what you do, in your consulting, your teaching. Somebody may bring you in, and you go into a company and you start to work with them, but you see that there's a culture issue there, and maybe that culture issue ... one person brought you in, but the person above that person is actually what's creating this culture, and is it possible to change that from, and how do you do that?

Christine: Yeah. So my approach, whether it's an entrepreneur or an HR director or whoever it is, doesn't matter what level they're at or how many people are involved, I like to live by that be the leader that you would like to follow. So if you've got a challenge with someone who you're reporting to or who is in a place of authority, whatever, however that works, it's like quit focusing on what they're not doing or how they're not showing up for you. Quit focusing on that. Be the leader you want to follow. So if I become the leader that I would like to follow in that other person, I can't help but move the dial towards what is in the highest interest of all. So if I get myself into that situation and I'm doing a virtual workshop and I can tell culturally, it's different or there's resistance to what I'm sharing, all I can do is show up and share what I actually believe is true and what I know is of value. And I have to detach from how they receive it. They're either gonna receive it or they're not. And if they do, great, and if they don't, then that's information for me too.

Adrian: Yeah. And I'm sure that every little bit matters. So that culture may be strong, but by you going in there and teaching that group, you've at least planted a seed. You've at least gotten people to see that things can be different. And it may spread slowly sometimes, but I think that if a person of your caliber never comes into a company and starts that change and plants that seed, then it may never change.

Christine: True. And I have no problem, and I don't know why, I've got brothers and sisters and I've always been this way, like since I was a little kid. But I don't really have any problem sharing what my perspective is. I'm not expecting you to agree with me or anybody else to agree with me. That's never been my thing. But I am gonna share my perspective if I truly believe that it is the way that I feel is the best way for everybody to move forward. I don't need you to agree with me, and you could have a very different perspective, but I'm still gonna share my truth. So that's okay.
So I guess, in a funny way, I minimize my own drama with others because if they have a different perspective, that's okay. If you're gonna make me wrong about mine or I'm gonna make you wrong about yours, then, of course, there's a bigger challenge. And I think if you look at the divide that's going on right now around the world, and especially in the U.S., it's very convenient to say, and I'm not trying to get into politics here, but it's very convenient to say it's Donald Trump. It's like wow, so you're giving all your power over to this guy and saying that he is the power of all this when at the same time you're saying that he's an asshole or whatever you decide you're gonna say. I'm like, well that's actually interesting and actually quite funny because you give your power over to him.

Adrian: Exactly.

Christine: And it just is not so. The divide has always been there. He's the catalyst or has been, to bring the divide to the surface. It's still up to each individual to decide whether they are going to be an integrity in any given conversation and go, I don't understand what you're saying, I don't agree with it. Or I don't understand, it's very different from my perspective, but I'm open to listening because I might actually get a grain of something that might shift my perspective a little bit. And so the reason I'm mentioning all this is, because, in a corporate culture, that's what happens. You got Sally here and she's got her perspective. And you've got Jim over here, and they're at odds, and that influences everyone else being at odds. It's like, why can't they just emotionally have a conversation where they both hear each other's perspective and maybe actually take a grain of what each other's saying and go hey, I'm gonna actually consider that. Thank you.

Adrian: Exactly.

Christine: And be okay with it. So that, culturally and corporately, I think that's the root of all the challenges because it's all about me, me, me and it's my way, right?

Adrian: Right. And we each have to take responsibility for our lives. If we take the perspective of there's somebody else to blame, some other department to blame, some other administration to blame, we can always find that source to blame, regardless. That administration can change, that leader can change. The culture can change. Well, then it's something else. So yeah, I agree. We have to take control of our lives, we have to assume that responsibility for actually changing our lives.

Christine: Yeah. It's a lack of emotional intelligence which creates that drama. And the more each individual decides to be the leader that they would like to follow, the more they increase their emotional intelligence, the more it shifts.

Adrian: I love it. Be the leader that you want to follow. I love that. And I'm sure that some of our listeners are ready to learn more and ready to step up and be that leader. So how can they find out more about you and more about your products, services?

Christine: Sure. They can just go to Christinemonaghan.com. And that's Christine, C-H-R-I-S-T-I-N-E M-O-N-A-G-H-A-N .com and all my offerings are on there. And there are lots of ways to get a hold of me. My Instagram is really a great place to get daily hits of wisdom, which is daily life mastery, that's my Instagram account.

Adrian: I love it.

Christine: Yeah.

Adrian: Daily life mastery.

Christine: Daily life mastery.

Adrian: It's a good name, I like it. It rolls right off the tongue. Well, Christine, it's been a pleasure having you on today.

Christine: You know what, I've thoroughly enjoyed this and I will come back any old time you want me to.

Adrian: Awesome, because I would love to have you back, and I'm sure my listeners would love to have you back. Thank you and have an amazing day.

Christine: Thanks so much, Adrian.

Adrian: All right, bye bye.

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