EP 0011 - Leaving The Family System

It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

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When you change who you are within a family system, and you no longer play the role you were born into, you're taking a mirror and holding it up to everybody in that system. Holding up this mirror forces them to see themselves outside of their role, outside of their false self. It reflects a more realistic view of themselves. This view is challenging for them to see within themselves, as it takes them out of their role within the family system, and they can't see themselves outside of their role, it's too painful. The system is there to support the image of their false self and mask inadequate feelings, and they will hold to it with dear life. They feel they can live without, while not even knowing it. Instead of embracing the change that you're making within yourself so that you can live a more authentic life, they do not support you; they judge and commend you for forcing them to look at themselves. It's hard enough figuring out who you are outside of the family system, and it is ridiculously painful when you have a constant judgment from the people around you who fight your change with verbal and non-verbal judgment. When leaving the family system, there will be a strong obligation felt within to stay loyal to the people within the family system and to the system itself. This obligation will show itself as guilt, shame, and self-hatred. It is not your job to become someone you are not to make others feel better about themselves, to heal their shame, or patch the hole in their soul. You can not be there for anyone else until you are there for yourself first. Don't let the judgment of others keep you from living the life you deserve.

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