The Marriage Episode 👰🏿‍♀️💒💍

MASKulinity Podcast

This week, we’re talking about marriage! Sociology Professor LaToya Council joins the pod this week to help us navigate Black couple’s marital waters.. and Samantha hangs in there as Remoy walks us through the complicated history of wedding traditions before her upcoming I Dos.

• Remoy takes us back to the first wedding ever, which took place in China. Find out what a man had to do to win the hand of the king’s daughter.
• At this wedding, the bride didn’t wear white. Remoy puts us on game about the painting that started it all. LaToya and Samantha react to the infamous painting of women being auctioned off at a marriage market. 😬
  • Edwin Long’s choice to paint the brides’ dresses white was his own and didn’t reflect the era he lived in. Remoy questions which women were considered pure and LaToya explains how the purity conversation excluding Black women impacts Black marriages…
  • Remoy puts the history of marriage in context socially. Marriage was thought of as a wealthy-white-man activity – they were the only ones who could afford it! Black marriage in the US did evolve from those traditions with the extra weight of racism flaring up in relationships.
    • LaToya gives us a rundown of what Black women experience in public as a result.
• The impact of racism on Black marriages is very real.
  • LaToya shares some of her findings interviewing Black couples in her research.
    • Black men also rely on their partner emotionally dealing with racism in their public life. Home is an important structure for maintaining themselves in a racist society.
    • Social networks and community are critical beacons of support for Black couples navigating racism.
    • LaToya also makes a nod to the economic benefits of marriage for Black not just practically, but socially.
• In our Five Questions segment, Samantha wants some answers on marriage and LaToya delivers.
  • LaToya’s paper reports back on her conversations with 20 Black men about egalitarianism and marriage and she and Samantha get into it all.
    • Black marriages are more egalitarian than ever before, and many Black men resist white supremacy and its gendered capitalism by seeking a partner with equal or higher income. But it seems egalitarian spirit stops at income. Why?
    • What is this notion of “moral backbone” LaToya writes about? It does include emotional support, but somehow is still patriarchal. Our guest asserts that Black men’s notion of masculinity is entrenched in protectorship and providership and spells out what it can look like. Solutionism, anyone?
  • What would it look like for Black men to embrace egalitarianism practically and emotionally?
    • Black men retaining that protectionist MASK is helpful in dealing with a racist society, but how to shed that at home? LaToya argues that Black men are uniquely positioned to embrace egalitarianism, but power, and specifically, gender power plays a huge part in why egalitarianism has only reached so far in Black marriages.
    • What could it look like for Black men to fully embrace egalitarianism while still feeling valued? LaToya gives her recommendations on how to get there.

Let us know what you thought of this episode!

We’re taking a break in August! So you’ll have time to catch up on and relisten to all MASKulinity episodes. We’ll be back in mid-September to continue unmasking masculinity, but in the meantime, make sure to sign up for our biweekly newsletter to continue getting those MASKulinity updates and recaps. Have a great month!

Referenced in this episode:

• Black Marriage Through the Prism of Gender, Race, and Class by Kecia Johnson
• The Fresh Prince and 📺 Episode with Soraya Giaccardi

COMPANION PIECES:

• The Racial Hierarchy of MASKulinity, with Dr. Liu - Part 2 ENCORE
• The Racial Hierarchy of MASKulinity, with Dr. Liu - Part 1 ENCORE
• Let’s Talk MASKulinity, Bruh with Jeremy Herte
• Men as Victims of Violent Crime with Yuval Moses