Episode 33: Calin Saft: Setting Boundaries

Men's Journey Today

A couple of weeks ago, I started a new series in which I want to share with you the most common problems and difficulties that guys that I work with are facing and how to get past those challenges.

This week’s challenge is Setting Limits.

More often than not, my clients are high-performers and high-achievers with a big heart and a big mission in the world. If this you, you have chosen a lifetime of service to others. This requires developing many talents and paying attention to detail. You will find it fulfilling to become an expert in area and operate from your zone of genius. And this implies focusing on just a few things that you are exceptionally good at instead of being sort of Jack of all trades character. Focusing might not feel natural to you, however, the more you do it, the more you will like it.

Changing your mind and opinions frequently will slow down your progress. You fear committing to any one point of view, since you have learned over time to see the truth in both sides of an argument. Maybe you never felt free to speak your truth. You must strive to speak your own truth which will come to you through intuition and the higher mind.

You may still have the tendency to try on changing demeanors and opinions with those you meet until you get from the listener an acknowledgement that you have finally spoken “the truth” (as they see it anyway). You find a constant distraction in others’ sufferings. Only when you begin to discriminate between those whom you can really help and who deserve your help and those who are beyond saving will you make progress in your own life. If you have let others drain you of your energy so that your own plans and schemes have suffered begin to use your intellect to rule your emotions and you will be at last on the right path.

People try to rely on you, for you radiate a strong compassionate nature which draws others to you.
Until you know yourself better, you may feel compelled to say “yes” to all of them. When you’ll begin to say “no” you will lay the foundation for a stable life and your health will improve greatly.

Once you establish a routine and start thinking clearly about life in a detached way, you will be able to help many, many people. But until then, stop feeling others’ pain. Because you are highly sensitive, you may carry a hurt inside for years, nursing your upset feelings. Stop it! Forgive those who have “wronged” you because doing so furthers your personal growth. You may often be more disappointed than hurt by others since you helped so much. As you learn to be okay with yourself, you will learn to be okay with others, too.

Pay close attention to detail. This will help you make good decisions and drain the swamp of your tumultuous emotions. Develop your mind and learn discrimination. This requires you to pay close attention to the world around you. If you fail to focus, you will find yourself mixed up in a series of misunderstandings. Some recommended antidotes that just might do the trick for you include word processing, gardening, studying history, writing, public speaking, and science.

You can make the world a better place, if not for everyone then at least for some. But this can only happen when you resist others’ attempt to manipulate your good nature. Act on clear thinking rather than feeling and instinct, and realize that not all suffering is unavoidable. I know that you are here serve others, but first you must clearly ascertain what they really need. This requires a strong mind to go with your loving heart.

You must steer away from self-pity to a path of responsibility and discipline. Scary though it may seem, the discipline will build your confidence and soothe your soul.

“Real life” is messy, imperfect, and sometimes disappointing. It is nevertheless wonderful and certainly can’t be improved by your worrying. Build your mental and physical strength, maintain a positive attitude, and contribute where you can. Apply restrictions to your thoughts and diet as well, to stay grounded.

Routine, boundaries, details, necessities, physical and mental health, these are your allies in your service.

All right guys, these are the thoughts that I wanted to share with you today. If you like this episode, please share it with a friend, subscribe on iTunes and leave a helpful review. I’m always interested to hear from you so please share your thoughts in the comments section.

And remember that this summer, I promised to support 100 men that are recovering from a painful breakup or divorce. If this is you, reach out to me at [e-mail].