Shrink For The Shy Guy podcast

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Sisällön tarjoaa Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety And Confidence Expert, Author and Coach, Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety, and Confidence Expert. Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety And Confidence Expert, Author and Coach, Dr. Aziz: Social Anxiety, and Confidence Expert tai sen podcast-alustan kumppani lataa ja toimittaa kaiken podcast-sisällön, mukaan lukien jaksot, grafiikat ja podcast-kuvaukset. Jos uskot jonkun käyttävän tekijänoikeudella suojattua teostasi ilman lupaasi, voit seurata tässä https://fi.player.fm/legal kuvattua prosessia.

Carol Costello Presents: The God Hook

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1 | The False Prophet 34:56

3 päivää sitten34:56

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34:56

In this premiere episode of "The God Hook," host Carol Costello introduces the chilling story of Richard Beasley, infamously known as the Ohio Craigslist Killer. In previously unreleased jailhouse recordings, Beasley portrays himself as a devout Christian, concealing his manipulative and predatory behavior. As the story unfolds, it becomes clear that Beasley's deceitfulness extends beyond the victims he buried in shallow graves. Listen to the preview of a bonus conversation between Carol and Emily available after the episode. Additional info at ( carolcostellopresents.com ) Do you have questions about this series? Submit them for future Q&A episodes . Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see additional videos, photos, and conversations. For early and ad-free episodes and exclusive bonus content, subscribe to the podcast via Supporting Cast or Apple Podcasts. EPISODE CREDITS Host - Carol Costello Co-Host - Emily Pelphrey Producer - Chris Aiola Sound Design & Mixing - Lochlainn Harte Mixing Supervisor - Sean Rule-Hoffman Production Director - Brigid Coyne Executive Producer - Gerardo Orlando Original Music - Timothy Law Snyder SPECIAL THANKS Kevin Huffman Zoe Louisa Lewis GUESTS Doug Oplinger - Former Managing Editor of the Akron Beacon Journal Volkan Topalli - Professor of Criminal Justice and Criminology Amir Hussain - Professor of Theological Studies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Support our show by becoming a premium member! https://evergreenpodcasts.supportingcast.fm…

Shrink For The Shy Guy explicit

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Everyone has some level of fear in social situations. For you it might be meeting someone new, networking, dating, sales conversations, presenting, public speaking, or business meetings. In order to get to the next level in your life, create better relationships, find love, earn more money, or advance in your career, you must overcome fear, social anxiety, and self-doubt. In order to be outstanding, you must have confidence. That's where Dr. Aziz comes in. After struggling with shyness and social anxiety for 9 years, he decided to take life into his own hands and master confidence. A decade later, he is the world's leading expert on social anxiety and social confidence. He received a doctorate in clinical psychology from Stanford and Palo Alto Universities and now works as a confidence and success coach with people from all over the world. This show contains the profound and immediately life-changing information he teaches high-paying clients every day. Learn from the best about how to overcome social fear, gain confidence in dating, public speaking, sales presentations, business meetings, and all of life.

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Shrink For The Shy Guy explicit

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Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Fear To Freedom with Amy Joy 52:41

3 päivää sitten52:41

52:41

Own Your Confidence: Be Unapologetically You! A glimpse from the latest episode of Get Your Sh*t Together Show with the special guest Dr. Aziz hosted by Amy Joy. Watch the full episode here: https://e360tv.com/networks/episode/Get-Your-Sh-t-Together-with-Amy-Joy/Own-Your-Confidence-Be-Unapologetically-You-S3-Ep5-With-Dr-Aziz…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

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But I Still Feel Like I'm Not Enough! 22:47

10 päivää sitten22:47

22:47

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz — and today we’re going straight into one of the most common, painful, and persistent feelings that quietly runs so many lives: 👉 “I’m not enough.” This episode is for you if you’ve ever: Felt like no matter how much you do, it’s never quite enough Believed you had to prove your worth through achievement or perfection Avoided risks, opportunities, or putting yourself out there because of self-doubt Collapsed into hopelessness or excuses just to protect yourself from trying 🎯 Dr. Aziz breaks down: Why this feeling of “not enough” is a universal part of being human Why trying to fix it through more doing never works (just ask Tony Robbins!) How to stop confusing this feeling with reality The truth about your self-worth that no accomplishment (or failure) can touch A simple mindset shift to help you show up fully — even when that insecure voice gets loud If you're ready to stop being controlled by this invisible wall of “not enough,” tune in now and take back your freedom. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ever catch yourself thinking, "I'm not good enough"? It's a common thought that can keep us stuck, whether we're pursuing relationships, career opportunities, or even personal growth. This persistent feeling of inadequacy can impact your confidence and stop you from taking bold actions. In this post, I'll share how to recognize this feeling, understand it, and break free from its grip, allowing you to create a life where you feel truly empowered and worthy. Understanding the "Not Enough" Feeling First things first: you are not alone . The feeling of “not enough” is a deeply human experience, and almost everyone grapples with it at some point in their lives. Whether it’s in relationships, career, or personal achievements, the fear of not being “enough” leads to a variety of behaviors and mindsets. So, what makes this feeling so powerful? It's rooted in the fear of loss—loss of love, connection, respect, or even survival. If I’m not enough, then I’ll lose something important , like love or worthiness. The key here is recognizing that this fear is not reality. It’s simply an emotional response to uncertainty, and once we understand that, we can begin to take control. Why "Proving Enough" Doesn't Work Most of us try to fix the “not enough” feeling by doing more . We hustle, work harder, or try to accumulate external symbols of success—titles, possessions, or achievements. The goal? To prove that we are worthy. But here’s the catch: doing more doesn’t make you enough . It’s an endless cycle. You can’t hustle your way to self-worth because the feeling of not being enough is never truly satisfied by external validation. Even once you achieve one goal, the sense of inadequacy may still linger. Real confidence doesn’t come from what you do; it comes from who you are. A Powerful Shift: Own Your Value What if you could break the cycle? The real secret to overcoming the “not enough” feeling is to own your value —not based on what you’ve done, but simply because you exist. Here’s the truth: Confidence comes from within. It’s about showing up with a mindset of abundance. When you believe that you are worthy, you stop feeling like you need to prove yourself to others. You begin to approach life with a healthy mindset, knowing that you are enough as you are . “Your energy is what makes you attractive—not your appearance, not your possessions, but the way you show up in the world.” — Dr. Aziz When you stop operating from a place of scarcity (like "I’m not good enough"), you become magnetic. You attract people, opportunities, and experiences because your energy exudes self-assurance and worth. The Power of Feeling Insecure (And Letting It Pass) One of the most powerful lessons you can learn is to feel your feelings instead of trying to avoid or suppress them. The feeling of “not enough” is simply a temporary emotional experience— it doesn’t define you . When you can create space for that feeling without needing to fix it, you break free from its control. Imagine a scenario where you feel insecure. Instead of getting caught in a loop of negative self-talk or trying to do more to prove yourself, allow yourself to feel the insecurity . Name it: “This is the feeling of insecurity.” Let it pass through you without clinging to it. Over time, this practice will reduce its power over you and make you more resilient. “The more you embrace feelings of insecurity, the more you free yourself from their control.” — Dr. Aziz Final Thoughts: You Are Enough The next time you feel like you’re not enough, remember: it’s just a feeling, not a reflection of your worth. By practicing self-awareness and embracing your emotions, you can overcome this limiting belief and step into your true confidence. Take a moment today to remind yourself: You are enough.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

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The Freedom of Being Disliked 19:45

17 päivää sitten19:45

19:45

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! We’re diving into one of the most universal — and often hidden — fears that drives social anxiety, people-pleasing, and holding back your authentic self: 👉 What if they don’t like me? Whether it shows up in your relationships, your inbox, at work, or stops you from sharing your ideas and creative work with the world — this fear can run your life if left unchecked. In this episode, you’ll discover: How fear of judgment and rejection hides behind stress, email anxiety, and overthinking Why being “thick-skinned” isn’t the answer (and what to do instead) A powerful metaphor to help you release other people’s negativity without taking it on The truth about being sensitive — and why it might actually be your superpower How to stop living in fear of upsetting others and start showing up fully you This one’s loaded with humor, honesty, and deep insights to help you finally break the spell of needing everyone to like you. Let’s get free. ----------------------------------------------------- Do you ever find yourself constantly worrying about what others think? Maybe you're hesitant to speak your mind or take action, fearing rejection or judgment. If you're nodding along, you're not alone. Many of us struggle with the desire to please others and avoid conflict, but the good news is, you can break free from this cycle and become the most authentic version of yourself. The People-Pleasing Trap One of the biggest obstacles to living authentically is the fear of being disliked or upsetting others. You may find yourself bending over backward to keep the peace, saying "yes" when you want to say "no," or avoiding difficult conversations altogether. But here's the truth: this constant effort to manage others' perceptions is draining, and it doesn't bring lasting peace or fulfillment. As Dr. Aziz shares, this behavior is often rooted in a fear of being rejected or disliked . Whether it's a colleague, a family member, or a stranger, the thought of someone not approving of us can cause anxiety and paralysis. And while it’s natural to care about what others think, letting this fear control you leads to missed opportunities for growth, connection, and authenticity. "You can’t live authentically if you’re constantly adjusting yourself to fit others' expectations." — Dr. Aziz Step 1: Recognize the Fear The first step to overcoming people-pleasing is to recognize the fear that’s driving your actions. Often, this fear isn’t obvious. It may show up as anxiety about a social interaction or a sense of dread about a potential conflict. You might feel this as tightness in your chest or a racing mind, trying to predict what others will think of you. Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Are you worried that someone will be upset with you, or that they’ll think poorly of you? Getting clear on the root of your fear is key to dismantling it. Recognize that these fears are often exaggerated and not as harmful as they may seem in your mind. Step 2: Acknowledge Your Sensitivity One powerful insight Dr. Aziz shares is the importance of acknowledging your sensitivity . It’s easy to see sensitivity as a weakness, but the truth is, it’s a superpower. It allows you to connect deeply with others and perceive emotions and nuances that others might miss. For Dr. Aziz, recognizing his own sensitivity was a turning point in his journey toward authenticity. Once he embraced this part of himself, he found it easier to connect with others on a deeper level. By seeing sensitivity as a gift, not a burden, you can stop avoiding difficult situations or suppressing your true self. "Sensitivity is not a weakness. It’s a form of responsiveness to life and a superpower if you let it be." — Dr. Aziz Step 3: Let Go of the Need for Control Here’s the hardest part: you don’t need to control other people's feelings . This realization is freeing. Often, our desire to please comes from a deep need to control how others perceive us or how they feel in any given moment. But the truth is, you cannot control others' emotions or reactions. Dr. Aziz encourages us to imagine ourselves as a vapor —soft, fluid, and not attached to any one thing. When someone gets upset with you, instead of bracing yourself and trying to protect your identity, let the feeling pass through you. "Let it move right through. There’s nothing for it to hold on to." The Action Step: Practice Letting Go Your action step today is to practice letting go of the need to control how others feel . When you encounter a situation where you're worried about someone's reaction or judgment, visualize yourself as vapor, creating space around you. Let that feeling of discomfort move through you without holding on to it. This will help you become more present in the moment and less consumed by fear. Remember, every time you choose authenticity over people-pleasing, you're building confidence . Confidence doesn’t come from pretending to be someone you’re not; it comes from embracing who you truly are. The Key to True Freedom As Dr. Aziz says, confidence is a byproduct of action . When you take action—whether it’s in social situations, your career, or relationships—you’ll find that your confidence grows, naturally. You can stop worrying about pleasing others and start living life authentically. By acknowledging your fears, embracing your sensitivity, and letting go of the need to control how others feel, you’ll free yourself from the shackles of people-pleasing. It’s time to step into your true self and embrace the freedom that comes with being authentically you . You are worthy. You are enough. And you are awesome just as you are. Keep taking bold action and know that every step you take toward authenticity is a step toward true freedom.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

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3 Secrets To Get Yourself To Take Action Now 23:33

24 päivää sitten23:33

23:33

Welcome to today’s episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy with Dr. Aziz! If you’ve ever felt stuck, procrastinated, or told yourself “I should…” but still didn’t follow through — this episode is for you. Dr. Aziz reveals the three powerful secrets to breaking out of avoidance and finally taking the action you know will move your life forward. Whether it’s social confidence, career growth, health habits, or daily routines — it all comes back to one key truth: Confidence is a byproduct of action. In this episode, you’ll discover: Why resistance, groaning, and procrastination are totally normal (and how to break through them) The surprising way your identity story might be keeping you stuck How to use pain as powerful leverage (yes, really!) The missing piece that makes it way easier to follow through Why pleasure in the future is the key to taking action today Dr. Aziz also shares his personal story of emotional pain, transformation, and how one pivotal night in his 20s changed everything. If you're ready to overcome avoidance and create a life that energizes and fulfills you, this episode will give you both the mindset and momentum to start now. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Do you often find yourself stuck in the cycle of procrastination, avoiding tasks that you know could improve your life? Whether it's taking social risks, having difficult conversations, or simply getting things done, we all face moments when it feels impossible to take action. In this post, I’m going to reveal the three secrets to breaking free from inaction and boosting your confidence. Secret #1: Recognize the Pattern The first step in overcoming procrastination and avoidance is to recognize the cycle you’re in. It often starts with the feeling of fear —fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of discomfort. You know you should act, but instead, you avoid the task. You tell yourself “I should,” but you don’t follow through. This internal tension leads to resistance , and eventually, you may find yourself stuck in a negative identity —thinking of yourself as someone who just can’t follow through or is too scared to act. The first secret is to notice this pattern . Acknowledge that you’re caught in it and make the decision to do something different. The more you notice it, the more you can break free from it and start acting from a place of empowerment , not fear. "Confidence is a byproduct of action. You won’t feel confident until you take action." — Dr. Aziz Secret #2: Use Pain as Leverage Pain is one of the most powerful motivators for action. In fact, research shows that we are twice as motivated by pain as we are by pleasure. The key is to leverage pain in a constructive way. Ask yourself: What is the cost of inaction? If you keep avoiding something, where will it take you? In the case of social anxiety, it might be loneliness or missed career opportunities. By focusing on the pain of staying stuck , you can create a sense of urgency and motivate yourself to act. However, it's essential to not get lost in despair when reflecting on this pain. Instead, take ownership of the situation and realize that you can change things. When the pain of staying where you are exceeds the fear of the unknown , you’ll finally take the leap. Secret #3: Focus on the Pleasure of Action While pain can push you to act, pleasure is what will keep you going. We often resist action because we focus on the discomfort of getting started, but if you shift your focus to the benefits of taking action, you’ll find yourself motivated. For example, if you’re avoiding a workout because it feels hard to start, remind yourself of how good you’ll feel afterward— the energy, the sense of accomplishment, the pride in doing something for yourself . By training your mind to see the pleasure on the other side , you’ll feel more compelled to take action. "Are you willing to be uncomfortable now to experience the extraordinary in your life?" — Dr. Aziz Taking Action: Your Next Step Now that you know the three secrets to taking action, it’s time to put them into practice. Start by recognizing the patterns that hold you back, use pain and pleasure to motivate yourself, and take action even when it feels uncomfortable . If you want to make real progress in your life, the key is consistent action . The more you act, the more confidence you’ll build. It’s time to break free from the cycle of procrastination and start living boldly. Remember, confidence comes from doing —not waiting for the perfect moment or feeling ready. Take action today , and watch your confidence grow! You are capable of so much more than you realize. Keep going, and you'll soon be amazed at how far you can go.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Breaking The Anxiety Cycle 19:40

4 weeks sitten19:40

19:40

In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the hidden cycle that fuels your worry and anxiety—especially when it comes to social situations, work, dating, money, health, and more. If you’ve ever wondered why anxiety keeps coming back despite trying tools like affirmations, meditation, or even medication, this episode is for you. You’ll discover: The 5-part anxiety loop that drives your fear and fuels the need to control everything Why the real issue isn’t the fear itself, but how you relate to it How to spot where you are in the cycle so you can break free in real time The power of self-awareness and softening , instead of resistance and control One simple but powerful action step to find relief—starting today Dr. Aziz reveals how recognizing this cycle (Fear → Urge to Do → Prevent the Bad → Avoid Pain → More Fear) can unlock lasting freedom and peace. Tune in now and take the first step toward living with more presence, ease, and inner confidence. 🎧 Ready to finally stop fighting anxiety and start living? Press play now. ------------------------------------------ Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of worry and anxiety? Maybe you're overthinking conversations, feeling uneasy about upcoming events, or imagining worst-case scenarios. This constant cycle of fear and worry can feel overwhelming, but there’s a way out. In today’s post, we’re diving deep into how anxiety works and, more importantly, how you can start breaking free from it. Let’s explore how to stop worrying, be more present, and create lasting peace of mind. The Anxiety Cycle: Fear, Action, and Pain It all starts with fear —the feeling we all know too well. When we feel anxious, whether it’s about a social situation, work stress, or personal struggles, we experience fear. It’s that tightness in your chest, the flutter in your stomach, or the constant, buzzing thoughts in your head. The immediate reaction to this fear is often the urge to do something —anything to make it stop. We might try to control the situation, over-prepare, or replay conversations in our minds, trying to plan every possible outcome. This urgency to act comes from the desire to avoid pain . Whether it’s the emotional pain of rejection, embarrassment, or failure, we act to prevent those outcomes. But the irony is, the more we try to control and avoid pain, the more we trap ourselves in this cycle. "Fear leads to the urge to do something, which is often about preventing bad outcomes. But what are we really protecting ourselves from? Pain." What Happens Next? Once we’ve acted or worried about acting, we eventually arrive at the one thing we’ve been trying to avoid— pain . It could be the pain of failure, rejection, or even just the discomfort of uncertainty. And here’s the twist: we’re so afraid of pain that we spend most of our energy trying to protect ourselves from it. But what if we stopped trying to avoid pain altogether? What if, instead of controlling, we embraced impermanence and allowed ourselves to experience life’s inevitable ups and downs? As Buddhist teachings remind us, everything in life changes , including pain. The pain we fear is often temporary, and yet, we treat it like a permanent threat. "The fear of pain keeps us stuck in a cycle of worry and control. But what if we embraced the fact that pain, like everything else, is temporary?" Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Observation So how do we break this cycle? It starts with observation . The first step is noticing where you are in the cycle of anxiety. Are you stuck in fear, urgently trying to do something? Are you trying to protect yourself from pain or a bad outcome? By becoming aware of these patterns, you can begin to step out of the cycle. Next, try to soften the need for control . Recognize that, while some things in life are out of your hands, this doesn’t mean you’re powerless. You don’t need to control every outcome to feel okay. You can still act, but from a place of inspiration, not fear. Start practicing this mindset shift by simply observing your thoughts and reactions when anxiety arises. "By observing the cycle of fear, action, and pain, we can break free from the need to control and start embracing life's natural flow." The Action Step: Embrace the Impermanence of Pain As your action step today, when you notice anxiety or worry creeping in, pause and ask yourself: “What am I trying to control? Am I trying to prevent pain or avoid something that might not even happen?” Recognize that life is full of ups and downs, and some of the pain we fear is inevitable. But that doesn’t mean we can’t navigate it with peace and resilience. Instead of reacting out of fear, act from a place of acceptance and curiosity . It’s okay to feel discomfort or uncertainty. By embracing this, you’ll free yourself from the constant cycle of worry and begin to live more fully in the present.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

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How To Feel Confidence And Peace No Matter What 26:04

6 weeks sitten26:04

26:04

In today’s episode, we continue the powerful conversation on overcoming the illusion that you’re "not where you should be" in life. Dr. Aziz shares the fundamental error that keeps you stuck in feelings of inadequacy and pressure—and reveals a new way to free yourself from that cycle. You'll discover: -Why your circumstances don’t have to define your happiness -The key shift that allows you to feel fulfilled now instead of waiting for external success -A powerful action step to release the pressure and step into self-compassion This episode is about reclaiming your confidence, finding peace in the present, and fueling sustainable success from a place of self-acceptance. --------------------------------------------------- Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, endlessly comparing yourself to others, convinced you’re not where you should be in life? If so, you're not alone. In this episode, Dr. Aziz shares some life-changing insights that will help you stop feeling inadequate and reclaim your peace of mind. The Illusion of "Where You Should Be" Many of us are burdened by a feeling that we’re not living up to some societal standard. You might think: “I should be in a relationship by now,” or “I should have more money, a better job, a better house.” These thoughts weigh heavily on your self-esteem, leading you to feel less than, inadequate, and even ashamed. Dr. Aziz calls this the “fundamental error” : thinking that in order to feel okay, something in your life circumstances must change. “The solution is not in the circumstances. It's not out there. It's inside you.” This erroneous belief that something outside of us needs to change before we can feel peace is a major source of unnecessary suffering. When you feel like you're not enough as you are, you either shut down or try desperately to change everything all at once—and it still doesn't bring the fulfillment you seek. The Real Problem: Self-Gaslighting You might not even realize it, but when you feel like you're not where you should be in life, you're often gaslighting yourself. Dr. Aziz describes this as a cycle of comparing yourself to others and convincing yourself that you’re not enough. Your inner “safety police” tells you to stay small to avoid risk—fear of failure, rejection, or criticism keeps you paralyzed. “I need something to be different right now in order to feel okay. But what if you don’t?” This thought trap is designed to keep you from taking risks and living authentically. The truth is, nothing will change in a lasting way until you shift your inner dialogue and stop waiting for circumstances to be perfect before you feel okay. The Answer: Self-Compassion and Present Awareness How can you break free from this cycle? The solution lies in self-compassion . It’s essential to start being kind to yourself and slow down. Take a moment to tune into the feelings of frustration, inadequacy, or longing—and be curious about them rather than trying to eliminate them. “Move towards the pain with curiosity and compassion. That’s the key to healing.” When you can sit with your discomfort without judgment, you begin to fill the inner void that you’ve been desperately trying to fill with external circumstances. It’s about becoming your own best friend, your own inner champion. The Action Step: Challenge the Stories Here’s your action step for today: Start noticing the stories you tell yourself about what you need in order to feel okay. Ask yourself, “Is it true that I need this specific thing in my life to feel happy?” What if, just for today, you let go of the need for perfection and simply embraced where you are? By practicing this, you will slowly dismantle the false belief that you need something external to feel worthy or fulfilled. And when you do this consistently, you'll start to feel empowered to take action from a place of self-acceptance, rather than desperation. Final Thoughts: Freedom Awaits You don’t have to wait for the perfect life circumstances to feel at peace. When you practice self-compassion and shift your mindset, you open the door to greater confidence and the ability to create the life you desire. You are already worthy. Start taking small steps today, and before you know it, you’ll be well on your way to living the life you deserve. Remember: You’re awesome just as you are.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

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Not Where You "Should Be" In Life? 23:16

7 weeks sitten23:16

23:16

Do you ever feel like you're behind in life? Like you're not where you should be? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz dives deep into the unconscious programming that fuels this feeling and how to break free from it. You'll learn: Why we constantly feel like we’re falling short How societal and personal conditioning shape our expectations The key to shifting your mindset so you can feel good right now—without waiting for external success This episode is all about reclaiming control over your life, challenging the "drummer in the back of the bus," and finding joy before you reach the next milestone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever felt like you're not where you should be in life? Like there's a destination you're supposed to reach, but no matter how hard you try, it feels out of your grasp? You’re not alone. Many of us have faced these feelings of inadequacy, discouragement, or frustration when we feel that we haven't achieved everything we thought we would by a certain age or stage in life. In this episode, we’ll explore why that happens and how to break free from these limiting beliefs to get to where you want to be—both in life and in your inner world. The Unconscious Forces at Play We often think we’re in control of our lives. After all, we make decisions, set goals, and take action. But have you ever caught yourself doing something you didn’t plan to do? Maybe eating something late at night you didn’t even want, or acting out of frustration when you didn’t mean to? If you’ve experienced this, you’ve been influenced by unconscious forces that are driving your behavior without you even realizing it. Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” This means that the patterns, beliefs, and conditioning we’ve developed throughout our lives are often controlling us, guiding us in ways that might not be aligned with our true desires. The Drummer in the Back of the Bus Think of your life as a bus, and you are the driver. But here’s the catch: you're not driving alone. There's a whole group of characters in the back of the bus, influencing your decisions. These characters are your unconscious programming—the messages you've absorbed from society, family, and past experiences. Some of these voices might tell you that you're not good enough, not successful enough, or that you’re falling behind in life. Imagine one of the voices on the bus is the "drummer"—the voice that constantly beats the rhythm of what's wrong, what's missing, and what you should have done by now. It’s the voice that says, "You should have achieved more by now" or "You need to be in a relationship to be happy." The problem is, these unconscious voices drive us to make decisions based on fear and inadequacy. We feel the pressure to be perfect and chase after what society says we should want, but often, these desires are culturally conditioned and not entirely our own. Shifting from Fear to Freedom How do you break free from the constant chatter of this internal drummer? The first step is awareness. You need to listen to the voices that tell you you’re not where you should be, and ask them questions. What do you want me to do? Why do I need to achieve this specific thing to feel okay? By bringing attention to these voices, you start to question whether they are truly yours, or if they're just a product of your upbringing or societal expectations. Once you understand these voices are not the truth of who you are, you can begin to quiet them. And here's the key: true freedom comes when you recognize that you don’t need to achieve or have everything in place to be happy. The pressure to be perfect, to meet certain external standards, is what keeps you stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and frustration. Your Action Step This week, take some time to listen to the drummer in the back of your bus. Pay attention to the voice that tells you you're not enough. Write down what it says. Then, question it. Challenge its validity. Is it really true? Can you still be happy without meeting those external standards? The more you do this, the more you’ll create space for your true self to emerge. You don’t need to meet every external expectation to feel worthy. True growth comes from aligning with your authentic desires, not from chasing what others expect of you. In the next episode, we’ll explore how to liberate yourself from this inner conflict and step into a life filled with joy and authenticity. Stay tuned for more!…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Your Fear Of Hurting Others Hurts You 18:13

8 weeks sitten18:13

18:13

Are you constantly worried about hurting other people’s feelings? Does this fear keep you from speaking up, setting boundaries, or asking for what you really want? In today’s episode, Dr. Aziz breaks down how this pattern of over-cautiousness can actually be harming you —and how to shift into a healthier, more authentic way of being. You’ll learn the crucial difference between hurting and harming others, how to release unnecessary guilt, and why disappointing people is a normal and necessary part of life. If you’ve ever struggled with people-pleasing, this episode is your invitation to break free. -------------------------------------------------- Today, we’re diving into a fear that many of us struggle with: the fear of hurting others. Whether it’s in relationships, work, or social settings, many people worry about causing discomfort for others, and in doing so, end up hurting themselves. Let’s explore how this fear works and how to break free from it to become more authentically you. The Difference Between Hurting and Harming It’s natural to care about how others feel and want to avoid causing harm, but we often confuse hurting someone with harming them. Hurting is an emotional reaction—someone might feel upset or disappointed by something we say or do. Harming, on the other hand, is when we intentionally cause damage, like bullying or being cruel on purpose. For example, in a situation where someone misses a deadline at work, saying something like, “You were supposed to get this to me by Thursday. It's now Friday, and it’s not up to standard,” might cause them to feel hurt, but it’s not harmful. It’s an honest expression of what happened. But many of us avoid doing this because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. The Fear That Holds Us Back The real issue comes when we fear causing any discomfort or disappointment in others. We avoid honest conversations because we think it might hurt someone’s feelings, and in the process, we become stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing. This happens often in romantic relationships. You might avoid telling your partner what you truly want to do on the weekend because you don’t want to disappoint them. Maybe you say yes to something you don’t want to do just to keep the peace. But in the long run, this doesn’t serve anyone. You’re suffocating your own needs while sacrificing your well-being to avoid a moment of discomfort for the other person. The Myth of Perfection in Relationships A significant part of this fear is rooted in the belief that we must always keep others happy. This stems from an unrealistic expectation that we should never disappoint or upset anyone. However, the reality is that healthy relationships—whether romantic, platonic, or professional—are built on honesty and boundaries, not on never causing anyone any discomfort. I once had a client who feared expressing his needs to his spouse because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. This fear ultimately hurt him and their relationship. He wasn’t able to share his preferences and, in turn, felt like he wasn’t being true to himself. And the irony is that when we deny ourselves, it doesn’t lead to harmony—it creates inner resentment and can damage relationships in the long run. Shifting Your Perspective Here’s the truth: you don’t need to be afraid of causing discomfort. Discomfort is a natural part of any relationship. It’s a signal that we are growing, evolving, and being real with each other. Instead of fearing it, we need to embrace it. When you stop overthinking and start being honest, you allow space for true connection and authenticity to thrive. Your Action Step: Embrace Discomfort Your action step is to start small. Identify one thing you’ve been holding back—something you’ve been avoiding because you’re afraid it might hurt someone’s feelings. Maybe it’s a boundary you need to set or a desire you haven’t expressed. Whatever it is, take that step today. If guilt arises, that’s okay. Remember, you’re not trying to harm anyone. You’re simply honoring your own needs and feelings. The more you practice this, the more natural it will become. You'll begin to realize that it's not about being mean; it’s about being true to yourself, and this leads to stronger, more authentic relationships. By shifting your mindset and embracing your true self, you’ll create deeper, more meaningful connections and start living with freedom. You’re allowed to take up space, express your needs, and set boundaries without feeling guilty. Start today and watch the transformation unfold.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Turn Discouraged To Determined 23:33

9 weeks sitten23:33

23:33

Feeling stuck, frustrated, or like nothing you're doing is working? Discouragement is part of every growth journey—but how you handle it determines whether you break through or give up. In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals the hidden reasons why we feel discouraged and how your mind is wired to shut you down when challenges arise. Learn the powerful questions you must ask yourself to shift from discouraged to determined and keep making progress toward your goals. If you've ever felt like giving up, listen now—this episode could change everything. ------------------ We’ve all been there: feeling excited, optimistic, and ready to take on the world, only to face moments of discouragement. The truth is, on any growth journey, there will be highs and lows. The key to lasting success lies not in avoiding those lows but in how you handle them when they come. The Power of Staying in the Game Just like in investing, success in confidence-building isn’t about timing the market—it's about time in the market . In other words, consistency is what matters. If you’re committed to growing your confidence, it’s not about doing something quickly and checking it off your list. It’s about staying in the process, even when things get tough. But here’s the catch: the more action you take, the more likely you are to face discouragement. That’s by design. When you start actively putting yourself out there—whether it’s in dating, your career, or speaking up more in meetings—you open yourself up to setbacks. And when those setbacks happen, that discouragement can feel like a ton of bricks. Why Does Discouragement Hit So Hard? Discouragement hits hardest when you start to face your fears and take risks. When you’re playing it safe, like I did in my own life during my battle with social anxiety, you can avoid discouragement. But once you start stepping up, putting yourself out there, and truly engaging in the process, discouragement is inevitable. Why? Because there’s a part of you—the safety police —that wants to avoid discomfort at all costs. When you try something new, especially if it’s a risk, that part of you freaks out and says, Whoa, stop, stay small, stay safe. That’s when the discouragement feels so intense. It’s designed to make you stop, retreat, and never try again. Shifting Your Response to Discouragement Here’s the crucial point: How you respond to discouragement will determine how far you go on your confidence journey . If you give in to it and retreat, you’ll never see the growth you want. But if you can push through and keep going, that’s when the real transformation happens. To break through discouragement, here’s what you need to do: Name What’s Happening : When you feel discouraged, recognize it for what it is. Acknowledge that the discouragement is real but doesn’t define you. It's just part of the process. Get Compassionate with Yourself : Take a moment to connect with yourself. Put one hand on your chest, one on your belly, and take deep breaths. Acknowledge the discouragement with compassion— Yeah, it feels tough right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m stuck. Then, shift your focus. Ask the Key Questions : Why do I want this? How bad do I want it? Am I willing to do what it takes to achieve it? The power of answering these questions lies in the fact that when you connect with your deeper values and purpose, your discouragement fades into determination. Your Action Step If you're feeling discouraged right now, perfect timing—this is exactly when you can apply these tools. Take a moment to ask yourself: What’s a goal I really care about? Answer the questions above honestly. The more connected you are to your “why,” the stronger your resolve will be to push through challenges. If you’re not feeling discouraged at the moment, think of a goal you’ve been working on, and run yourself through the same process. You’ll be amazed at how clarity and determination come flooding back. The road to confidence isn’t always easy, but when you stay in the game and choose to keep going, you’ll look back and be amazed at how far you’ve come. Keep going, and don’t give up—you’re building something extraordinary.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Self-Talk Secrets For High Confidence 24:53

10 weeks sitten24:53

24:53

What if the way you talk to yourself is the biggest factor in your confidence? In this episode, Dr. Aziz reveals powerful self-talk strategies to transform how you feel about yourself and how you show up in the world. Learn how to shift from toxic, self-critical thoughts to an empowering, unstoppable mindset. Discover the key to steering your inner dialogue and why the words you choose—both in your head and out loud—can radically impact your confidence, success, and relationships. If you’re ready to upgrade your self-talk and unlock high confidence, listen now! ---------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever felt that rush of confidence, only to have it fade away when you stop doing the things that made you feel good? Maybe you’re sleeping better, eating right, exercising, and suddenly—boom—you feel great! But then, when you let those healthy habits slip, your energy dips, and you wonder why you feel worse. The same thing can happen with one of the most powerful tools for confidence: self-talk . Today, we’re diving into a simple but game-changing tool that many people forget to use or fail to use consistently. Ready to take control of your confidence? Let’s get started. What Is Self-Talk and Why Does It Matter for Confidence? Self-talk is the internal conversation you have with yourself. It’s what you say in your head when you face challenges, make mistakes, or take risks. Most of us experience this as a continuous stream of thoughts, some positive, but many negative, critical, and judgmental. The issue? Our self-talk shapes how we feel about ourselves and how we show up in the world . Negative self-talk—like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed”—leads to insecurity and low confidence. But here’s the catch: You can shift this conversation. “The way you talk to yourself has a direct impact on your nervous system and your body. If you want more confidence, you have to talk to yourself differently.” When you replace negative self-talk with positive, encouraging thoughts, you’ll start to feel more empowered. It’s like having a personal coach who cheers you on every step of the way. And the best part? You have the power to be that coach for yourself . Why Do We Talk to Ourselves This Way? Have you noticed that most of the time, our self-talk is critical, especially when we're nervous or insecure? If you're about to speak up in a meeting, go on a date, or make a big decision, you might hear thoughts like, “I’m not good enough” or “What if they don’t like me?” This negative loop is common, but it’s not real . It’s just your mind trying to protect you from potential failure or rejection. But here's the problem: that self-criticism doesn’t protect you. It holds you back . It makes you play small and prevents you from taking risks or stepping into your full potential. The Power of Shifting Your Self-Talk The real magic happens when you consciously choose to shift your self-talk. Instead of listening to that harsh, toxic coach in your head, you get to take control and start cheering yourself on. “The only way to change your confidence is to change your internal narrative.” Here’s how you can do it: Notice the toxic self-talk. Catch yourself when you’re being overly critical. Challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, Is this true? and How would I speak to a friend who was feeling the same way? Replace it with positive, empowering self-talk. Say things like, I’ve got this. I am enough. I am capable of handling this. The more you practice this, the more natural it will feel. It’s like training a muscle— the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Take Action: The Key to Building Confidence Here’s your action step: Pick a situation in your life where you feel insecure or lack confidence. Maybe it’s a work presentation, a social event, or a tough conversation with a colleague. Step 1: Write down the default self-talk you have in that situation. What are you telling yourself? Step 2: Now, write down the optimal self-talk you’d like to have. What would a supportive coach or a good friend say to you? Step 3: Start repeating that new self-talk to yourself before and during the situation. Watch how your confidence starts to shift. The more you practice this, the more you’ll notice a radical shift in how you show up in the world. Your confidence will increase, and you’ll feel empowered to take on new challenges and opportunities. A Final Thought: You Are Your Best Coach You don’t need to wait for someone else to validate you. You can be your own biggest cheerleader . Start speaking to yourself in a way that builds you up, and you’ll start seeing powerful results in your life. Remember, confidence isn’t about waiting for everything to be perfect. It’s about taking action despite the doubts and fears. You’ve got this.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
The Biggest Trick You Play On Yourself 21:25

11 weeks sitten21:25

21:25

What if the way you see yourself—incapable, unworthy, not enough—isn’t actually real? In this episode, Dr. Aziz exposes the greatest deception holding you back: the false identity you’ve been playing for years. Discover why you unconsciously cling to this limiting self-perception and how it’s keeping you stuck in fear, self-doubt, and hesitation. More importantly, learn how to break free and start showing up as the confident, bold version of yourself—starting today. If you’re ready to challenge the biggest lie you’ve been telling yourself and finally step into your power, tune in now! ------------------------------------------------------------- Have you ever felt like you're not good enough? Maybe it's in your career, in relationships, or even in social situations. That nagging voice in your head tells you you're not attractive enough, not successful enough, not worthy enough. What if I told you that this “not enough” story is a huge lie—and you’re the one telling it to yourself? In this post, I’ll reveal the biggest deception you’ve been playing on yourself for years, and how to break free from it to create a life where you show up boldly, confidently, and authentically. The “Not Enough” Trap: A Story You’ve Been Telling Yourself If you’ve ever felt like you're not enough—whether that’s in terms of attractiveness, success, or social worth—you're not alone. Many of us have an internal narrative that says, “I’m not good enough, and I never will be.” This belief can show up in many areas: “I’m not good enough to be in a relationship,” or “I’ll never be successful, so why bother trying?” I used to believe this story myself. As a young man, I thought, “I’m unattractive, and no one will want to date me.” I even told myself that I couldn’t possibly be successful because I wasn’t the kind of person who achieved big things. But here’s the secret: That story was never true. It was a character I was playing in my mind, but it wasn’t who I truly was. “You are convincing yourself that you are small, incapable, and not enough. And the truth is, that story isn’t real.” Why We Keep Playing Small The big lie that keeps us stuck is that we need to believe we’re not enough because it feels safe. If we can convince ourselves we’re incapable, then we never have to take the risks that could challenge that belief. We avoid uncertainty and stick to the comfort of our “small self” identity. This is why many people avoid going after their dreams or speaking up in a room full of people. If you believe you’re not worthy, you won’t try to start that business, ask someone out, or create the content that could change the world. You stay small to protect yourself from failure and rejection. “The illusion of stability comes from avoiding uncertainty, but it’s not real. It’s only a safe feeling until it isn’t.” How to Break Free from the “Not Enough” Story Here’s the truth: The “not enough” story isn’t serving you—it’s keeping you from the life you’re truly capable of living. To change this, you need to stop playing the character of small, incapable you . Instead, ask yourself: What would I do today if I truly believed I was enough? Let’s say you believe you’re not attractive enough. What would you do if you knew you were attractive and worthy of love? You’d put yourself out there more, right? You’d take more chances, go on dates, make new friends. You’d show up fully as yourself. That’s the power of shifting your belief. “When you stop believing in the lie of not being enough, you’ll start doing the things that prove you are enough.” A Call to Action: Start Living the Truth If you’ve been stuck in the “not enough” story for too long, it’s time to rewrite it. Your action step is simple: Pick one area of your life where you’ve been holding back because you believe you’re not enough. Then, ask yourself, If I truly believed I was enough in this area, what would I do differently today? Maybe it’s stepping up in a meeting, asking someone out, or starting a project you’ve been putting off. Whatever it is, take that step. The more you do, the more you’ll prove to yourself that the story isn’t true—and the more confident you’ll become. The truth is, you are enough. And it’s time to start living like it.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Why Nice Guys Finish Last 19:14

12 weeks sitten19:14

19:14

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last? We've all heard the phrase, nice guys finish last , but is it really true? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy , Dr. Aziz dives into the hidden costs of being too nice—how people-pleasing can hold you back in relationships, career, and life. But don’t worry, the solution isn’t to become a jerk. Instead, you’ll discover the real opposite of nice : authenticity. Learn how to express yourself boldly, set boundaries without guilt, and step out of the nice cage so you can stop finishing last and start living fully. If you’re ready to break free from the fear of upsetting others and claim your confidence, tune in now! --------------------------------------------------------------- You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Nice guys finish last.” But is it really true? What does it mean for you? Are you doomed if you’re too nice? Isn’t being nice a good thing? If you’ve ever wondered about the impact of people-pleasing on your life, you’re in the right place. In today’s post, we’ll dive deep into the origins of this phrase and, more importantly, how being overly nice may actually be holding you back in life. I’ll share with you some powerful insights and actionable steps to stop pleasing others at the expense of your own happiness, so you can start living more boldly and authentically. The Real Cost of Being "Nice" Being nice might sound like a virtue, but when it’s rooted in fear of rejection and disapproval, it can actually harm your relationships, career, and even your health. Niceness isn’t the same as kindness . Kindness is about genuinely caring for others, but niceness is driven by a desire to avoid conflict or rejection at any cost. This people-pleasing behavior can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, burned out, and ultimately, overlooked by others. “Niceness is not kindness; it’s fear. Fear of being rejected, judged, or abandoned. When you live in fear, you end up losing yourself.” If you’ve ever said “yes” when you really wanted to say “no,” you know exactly what I mean. This habit of putting others’ needs above your own comes at a price — one that often leads to frustration, resentment, and even physical symptoms like burnout. The Myth of "Nice Guys Finish Last" The phrase “nice guys finish last” originated in the world of sports, when Leo Durocher, a baseball manager, claimed that being overly nice was detrimental to success. The idea was simple: in competitive environments, the nicest person is often the one who gets passed over or overlooked. But what does that mean for you in your everyday life? Being nice out of fear doesn’t just hurt you in sports; it’s a pattern that shows up in every part of life. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in social situations, excessive niceness can make you feel like you’re finishing last. You might be overlooked, undervalued, or even taken advantage of because you haven’t learned to assert your needs, wants, and boundaries. Breaking Free from the "Nice" Cage Here’s the good news: You can break free. The opposite of being nice isn’t about becoming a jerk or a narcissist; it’s about being authentically you. It’s about expressing your true thoughts, setting boundaries, and confidently saying “no” when you need to. “The opposite of being nice isn’t being mean, it’s being authentic. You don’t need to please everyone to win in life. You need to please yourself first.” In my upcoming event, Not Nice Live , we’ll dive into how you can shed the pattern of people-pleasing and start living in alignment with who you truly are. We’ll explore powerful tools and practices to help you break free from the cage of niceness. You’ll gain clarity on why you’ve fallen into this pattern, how it impacts you, and most importantly, how to start shifting it during the event — and carry those changes forward into your life. The Permission to Be Bold Imagine a life where you confidently say no when you need to, ask for what you truly want, and express your feelings without fear of judgment. That’s the power of reclaiming your authenticity. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but with consistent practice and the right support, you’ll start to feel a sense of freedom and empowerment. “The true cost of staying nice is the regret of not living fully. The cost is a life that’s out of alignment with who you are meant to be.” I know it may sound like a far-off dream, but this is within your reach. You can step out of the shadows of people-pleasing and step into the light of being unapologetically yourself. The best part? You don’t have to do it alone. Action Step: Start Reclaiming Your Rights Today As a first step, start by giving yourself permission to do one thing you’ve been holding back on. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an invitation you don’t want to accept, or expressing your true feelings about something that’s been bothering you. Write it down, say it aloud, and practice it every day until it feels natural. The more you practice, the more you’ll internalize this new way of being. And I promise you, it will change your life . Remember, it’s not about being rude or inconsiderate; it’s about showing up as your true self, without fear of judgment. If you're ready to take your boldness to the next level, I invite you to join me for Not Nice Live in March. The event is virtual, so you can attend from anywhere in the world, and we’re offering a special early-bird price right now. Don’t miss out — this is your chance to step into the life you truly want, without the guilt.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Your Confidence Controls The Outcome 21:13

13 weeks sitten21:13

21:13

How much influence do you really have over your life? More than you think. In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy , Dr. Aziz explores the direct connection between your confidence and the results you create. Whether it’s in social interactions, your career, or personal growth, hesitation and fear hold you back while boldness and self-trust open doors. Through a powerful real-life example, you’ll see how the way you think shapes your experiences and the hidden ways self-doubt limits your success. Are you playing to win, or just trying not to fail? Tune in to discover how shifting your mindset can radically change your results. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What if I told you that the key to changing your life, whether it's in your career, relationships, or personal goals, lies in how you show up with confidence? No, I’m not suggesting that you can control everything or that if you just get your confidence “right,” you’ll always get what you want. But here’s the truth: Your confidence has more power over your outcomes than you realize . Let’s break down why this is, how it works, and how you can start taking control of your life right now. The Fear That Holds You Back Here’s what most people don’t want to admit: Confidence is a choice , and often, we choose to avoid it. Why? Because of fear. We fear that we’re not enough— not smart enough, not capable enough, not lovable enough . And when we operate from this place of fear, we avoid the things that challenge us, we make excuses, and we often stay stuck in our comfort zones. You may have told yourself stories like, “I don’t want to talk to that person; they probably won’t like me anyway,” or “I shouldn’t try that because I might fail and look stupid.” These stories might feel real, but they’re just that— stories . And they keep you from stepping into your true power and potential. How Confidence Shapes Your Actions Let me share a story to illustrate this. Recently, I watched my son play his first basketball game of the season. He’s a tall, scrappy 11-year-old who loves the game and plays with enthusiasm at home. But when he got to the game, he froze. His body language said it all— his shoulders were slumped, his arms hung low, and he wasn’t trying to make plays . He was paralyzed by the fear of missing shots or messing up. I asked him what was going on, and through tears, he admitted, “No one passes to me.” The truth was, his inner critic —his own “Poopy Coach”—was running the show. His body was unconsciously signaling that he wasn’t ready to play, and as a result, his teammates avoided passing him the ball. This is the same pattern that happens in life when we let our inner critic take over. When you play it safe and avoid risk , you’re not just holding back in one area of life—you’re restricting yourself in every area. The more you fear judgment, failure, or rejection, the more you limit the outcomes you could achieve. The Key to Transforming Your Confidence Now, here’s where things get interesting: confidence isn’t about eliminating fear —it’s about being willing to take action despite it. It’s about saying, “Yes, I’m scared. But I’m still going to try.” For my son, I helped him see that missing a shot doesn’t define him. I suggested that he try to take more shots in the next game, even if they didn’t go in. The goal wasn’t to make every shot; the goal was to get comfortable with failure —because each time he takes a shot, win or lose, his confidence grows. This is where you can start to make the same shift in your life. Stop focusing on avoiding failure and start focusing on making progress. It's not about perfection—it’s about showing up and doing your best. Take More Shots in Your Life So, here’s your action step: What shots can you take this week? What risks are you avoiding? Is it speaking up in a meeting? Is it reaching out to someone you’ve been afraid to talk to? Is it stepping up and taking charge of your career or relationships? The next time you feel the urge to hold back, ask yourself, “What would I do if I had the confidence to act?” Then, take that action—even if it’s uncomfortable. Your confidence grows each time you act despite fear. And most importantly, remember : If you don’t succeed, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you’re learning. Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about embracing the journey and trusting that with each step, you’re getting better, stronger, and more capable. Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Take Control The truth is that your confidence is the key to your success . It’s not a magic fix, and it’s not about avoiding discomfort. But if you’re willing to show up, take the shots, and keep going, you’ll find that the outcomes you want in life are closer than you think . So, step up. Own your confidence. And watch as you start to control the outcomes in your life. Until we speak again, may you have the courage to be who you are, and to know deep down, that you are awesome.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
Trick Yourself Into High Confidence 20:17

14 weeks sitten20:17

20:17

Have you ever felt trapped by self-doubt or overwhelmed by negative thoughts about yourself? In this episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy , Dr. Aziz explores how our minds play tricks on us, creating distorted beliefs that undermine our confidence. But what if you could flip the script? Learn why these mental patterns exist, how they hold you back, and what you can do to reclaim your confidence. Whether you’re navigating social anxiety, professional insecurity, or just want to feel more self-assured in your day-to-day life, this episode offers insights that will shift your perspective and help you step into your best self. Tune in now! ---------------------------------------------------- Confidence can seem elusive at times, especially when you’re constantly battling inner doubts and self-criticism. But what if I told you that you can trick yourself into feeling high confidence? Now, I know this might sound strange at first. "Tricking yourself?" you might wonder. Isn't that just being fake? Well, let's take a deeper look at how this actually works—and how it can help you break free from the cycle of self-doubt. The Power of "Tricking" Yourself The concept of "tricking yourself" isn't about being dishonest or pretending to be something you're not. Instead, it's about flipping the negative, distorted thoughts you have about yourself and intentionally replacing them with a more positive, empowering narrative. Think of it as a fun little game, where you reprogram your brain to believe in your capabilities, even when your inner critic tells you otherwise. If you’re skeptical about this approach, consider this: We’re already tricking ourselves every day. Most of us are walking around with an internal narrative that tells us we’re inadequate, unlikable, or just not good enough. These thoughts aren't grounded in reality—they're just distorted beliefs we’ve bought into. So why not "trick" yourself into the opposite? Why We Do It: The Safety Police There’s a part of us that keeps us safe from discomfort—the "safety police" inside. It wants to protect us from potential pain and failure, so it distorts our reality to prevent us from taking risks. This is why we might assume that we're awkward, unworthy, or destined to fail in social situations. The safety police uses this distorted thinking to keep us from putting ourselves out there. But by tricking ourselves into believing that we are worthy and capable, we bypass this fear and begin to act with confidence. Real-Life Example: The Power of Perception Let me share a story from one of my clients. He and his friends were at a club, dancing, and he felt extremely self-conscious. He imagined that everyone around him thought he was awkward and uncomfortable. But after the night ended, he casually asked someone he had danced with if they thought it was awkward. To his surprise, she said it was great! That moment clicked for him. All the negative thoughts he’d had were simply made-up stories, and once he let go of those fears, he could enjoy the moment without the burden of self-doubt. This is how our minds work: we create stories, usually negative ones, about our abilities and how others perceive us. The trick is to flip the script and start making up positive, empowering stories instead. How to Put It Into Action Identify a Negative Story: Think about a situation where you typically feel insecure or self-conscious—maybe it’s speaking up at meetings, going on a date, or trying something new. Flip the Script: Now, reframe that situation. Instead of imagining how awkward or unlikable you are, make up a story where everything goes smoothly. For example, instead of thinking, "I’ll probably mess this up," tell yourself, "I’m confident and capable. I’m going to do great!" Practice It Regularly: The more you practice this technique, the easier it will become to automatically think in a positive, empowering way. Eventually, you’ll find that these new beliefs start to feel just as true as the old, negative ones. The Takeaway: It’s All Made Up Anyway Here’s the thing: We are always telling ourselves stories—about ourselves and the world around us. Most of the time, those stories are negative, but there’s no rule saying they have to be. You have the power to reframe your inner narrative and make up something that serves you, not something that holds you back. So next time you’re faced with a situation that triggers your self-doubt, remember: It’s all made up anyway . Why not make up a story that helps you feel confident, capable, and worthy of success? You might be surprised at how powerful this simple shift in thinking can be. You can start today. Trick yourself into believing that you are awesome—and watch how quickly your confidence follows.…

Shrink For The Shy Guy

1
How To Be Less Insecure And Self-Conscious 20:05

15 weeks sitten20:05

20:05

Feeling self-conscious or insecure often feels like an unavoidable part of life, but it doesn't have to be. In today's episode of Shrink for the Shy Guy , Dr. Aziz reveals the surprising way to feel less insecure and unlock your confidence: shift your focus outward. When you're insecure, your attention collapses inward, creating a loop of self-criticism and hyper-awareness. Instead of helping, this fixation often amplifies discomfort and reduces your ability to connect or perform. The secret? Focus less on yourself and more on others. Observe their actions, ask questions, or notice details like their interests or even their clothing. This simple practice can break the cycle of self-focus, reducing anxiety and creating natural, authentic connection. "Confidence isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present," says Dr. Aziz. By shifting your attention from "me" to "we," you'll not only feel more grounded, but you'll also realize how little your perceived flaws matter. Start small today: pick one thing to notice about the people you interact with, such as their eye color or what excites them. The more you practice this, the more your insecurities fade into the background, leaving room for true confidence to grow. --------------------------------------------- Do you often find yourself feeling insecure or overly self-conscious? You’re not alone. In fact, many people, even the most successful, capable, and attractive individuals, experience these feelings. But what if I told you that your insecurity might not have anything to do with your actual abilities or how others see you? Instead, it could be about where your focus is going. Let's explore how you can feel less insecure by simply shifting your attention. Insecurity Doesn’t Reflect Your Value Most people think insecurity comes from a place of lack —that something is missing in their personality, appearance, or skills. Maybe you’ve felt this way too. You might think, “I’m not smart enough, attractive enough, or worthy enough for this situation.” But here’s the liberating truth: insecurity and self-consciousness are often completely disconnected from how others perceive you. They’re more about your own internal narrative . "Your insecurity doesn’t equal others looking down on you. It’s all an internal experience, often not visible to those around you." So, when you feel insecure or self-conscious, remember—it’s a feeling you’re having, not a reflection of how others see you. You might be assuming others are thinking something negative about you when, in reality, they may not even be paying attention to you the way you think they are. The Focus of Insecurity: It’s All About You When you’re feeling insecure, where does your attention go? That’s right—you start hyper-focusing on yourself. “Am I doing this right? Did I say the wrong thing? Does my voice sound shaky? Are they judging me?” Insecurity creates a loop where you become obsessed with how others perceive you. The more you focus on yourself, the more you feel anxious. In fact, the more you try to control or perfect every aspect of yourself to avoid judgment, the worse it gets. Ironically, this self-obsession often leads to performance anxiety and stress, making your presentation, conversation, or interaction even less effective. "The more you try to perfect yourself, the more you create performance anxiety, which decreases your effectiveness and amplifies insecurity." The Secret to Freedom: Focus on Others Here’s the twist: The solution to your insecurity is to stop focusing on yourself . When you expand your focus outward, you release the pressure to be perfect and open yourself up to real, meaningful connections. This shift from self-absorption to genuine curiosity about others is the key to overcoming self-consciousness. I worked with a client who often felt insecure in social situations. His self-focus was so intense that he couldn’t fully engage with others. So, I suggested he try something different: observe and focus on other people, particularly on their clothing choices, their body language, and their interests. The more he did this, the less he focused on himself and the more relaxed he felt. "When you focus on others, you free yourself from self-judgment and open up to deeper connections." Putting It Into Action: Your Step Toward Confidence Here’s your action step for today: Practice focusing on others. Whether it’s noticing the details of people’s clothing or listening deeply to their stories, consciously direct your attention outward. This simple shift will make you feel less self-conscious and more connected. The more you practice, the more your insecurities will fade into the background. Remember, you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present with others. As you do this, your self-consciousness will shrink, and your confidence will grow. "By focusing on others, you can stop policing yourself and start living authentically." Try this out today and see how it feels. You’ll be amazed at how much more relaxed and confident you can be when you stop obsessing over yourself and start connecting with others…

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