Why Pornography Use Is Adultery – Anne’s Mom Weighs In

Betrayal Trauma Recovery - BTR.ORG

In a society where pornography is considered fine, or even healthy in some circles. Betrayal Trauma Recovery founder Anne Blythe, M.Ed. and her mom take a firm stance. Pornography use is adultery, and men who are married commit adultery when they use pornography.

If you need support check out our daily online Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group Session Schedule.

Transcript: Why Pornography Use Is Adultery

Anne: My mom is joining me today because lately she’s been on a soap box, an awesome soap box. That we should talk more about how pornography isn’t just viewing videos. Or pictures, but it’s actually virtual intercourse because it involves masturbation.

It involves the bonding chemicals that you release during intercourse. I have a section of this in my book that will be coming out soon, about how masturbation is always part of the equation.

Pornography Use Is Adultery Because Of Hormonal Response

Anne: Can you explain why you think that instead of using the word pornography. We should just say virtual sex.

Mom: Well, the reason I thought it’s important is because we often use the term pornography. Also, I think a lot of the world, they don’t think it involves anything else other than just looking.

But when they look at those pictures, there are real women who had their picture taken. They’re somebody’s mom, they’re somebody’s daughter, somebody’s sister. They are real women. The other thought I had is that, usually in connection with the porn, men masturbate. Just like Anne said at the opening, that involves the same chemicals. The same hormonal response that a man would have with a live woman.

https://youtu.be/kvJckL1Vh4k

So, I just felt instead of everybody saying, well, avoid porn, it’s not good for you, blah, blah, blah. You need to call it virtual sex. Because that’s what it is. Back when I was younger, many men used phone sex. That’s what they called it, phone sex. They would call on the phone, it was a real woman, and she was responding in real time. Of course, he would be masturbating at the same time. So that was where I came from.

Why Pornography Use Is Adultery

Mom: And then also the quote in Matthew, I think it’s in chapter 5, and I believe it’s verse 28, where it says, If a man lusts after a woman, he has already committed adultery in his heart.

Anne: Many people don’t think that just pornography use is adultery. But if you combine it with masturbation to create a sexual experience. That someone’s having or performing with another person or thing. In this case, with a virtual scenario, they are actually having sex with a computer.

Mom: Yeah, you wouldn’t say computer. That conjures up all kinds of other issues, but no, I mean …

Anne: It’s not just a picture though. it’s a video.

Mom: A video of a real person, yes. They’re just providing their own physical stimulation.

Anne: Through the masturbation part. My Mom’s idea, and I liked it. Was for all of us, rather than saying pornography, to say virtual sex all the time. Which is going to be hard, because everybody says pornography. But I’ve started saying that, and it’s actually been cool.

Virtual Sex & Pornography Use Is Adultery

Anne: Like the responses I’ve received from the few people I’ve said it to so far. That virtual sex is adultery. And what includes virtual sex isn’t just a VR, like goggles that you would wear. But actually viewing pornography and masturbating is virtual sex. That’s what it is. Why do you think people think it’s not adultery?

Mom: I think they have in mind that it’s just this innocent thing. On the man’s part, I guess I should say, but it doesn’t involve a real person in real time. But these women, many of them, are either sex trafficked. Or forced into doing this by virtue of drug abuse or slavery.

Anne: Regardless of how they got there.

Mom: Right.

Anne: They’re a real person. And the man still has real, actual sex with that person. That he does not know, that has no name, that’s on the film. The other thing is that he actually has real sex with himself.

wpcode id=”24078159

Public Perception On Pornography Use Is Adultery

Mom: When people hear that he just uses pornography all the time, they don’t view it as innocent, just looking at a picture type of thing.

Anne: Or a video.

Mom: Or a video, yeah. But I think, this is my soap box here, it really is virtual sex. And we should call it what it really is, so that there’s no confusion about it.

Anne: When you think of pornography, you think of a man sitting in front of a computer or his phone. Just looking at it.

Mom: Right.

Anne: People do not envision him looking at their phone or computer while masturbating. Because who wants to think about that?

Mom: Yeah.

Anne: No one.

Mom: Yeah, it’s too awkward, it’s too uncomfortable. Many people have trouble even saying the word masturbation.

Anne: Right

Mom: It’s not a comfortable thing.

Anne: No, so it makes sense that when you say pornography, that’s what people envision. That they’re looking at their phone or computer.

Mom: Many people in the world, me not being one of them, think masturbation is fine. So, that’s the other issue. It’s not just that we don’t see them as maybe not having sex. But they don’t view that as “sex” when it really is. It involves the same hormones, the same body responses.

Anne: They’re having sex with themselves.

Mom: Yes.

Religious Perspectives On Virtual Sex

Anne: We want to know what you think about this. We would welcome your comments. Please go to BTR.ORG and find this podcast episode. Do you think it’s adultery and why?

Mom: When it involves someone in a committed relationship.

Anne: If they’re not in a committed relationship, is it fornication? Yes. In my opinion. If you are a religious person and believe in the commandments and law of chastity, then it would be fornication.

It’s either fornication or adultery, but in neither of those cases, in my opinion, is it okay. Maybe you disagree. We’d love to hear your thoughts on it.

You’re going to get a lot of people who think it’s crazy, and that’s okay. But that’s what we’re here for. To validate women who feel this way, and let you know that if you do feel this way, we feel the same way too. You’re in good company.

Mom: Or bad company.

Anne: Or you’re in very bad company. We’re such an evil influence.

Mom: Dangerous.

Anne: I know. We’re laughing because people call my ideas dangerous a lot of the time. So, it’s so dangerous to say that pornography use is adultery. Woo! When Christ himself said it. In what, Matthew?

Mom: Matthew chapter 5.

Anne: I love my Mom.

What We’ve Learned About Adultery

Anne: I’m super grateful that she came on today, and I love her opinion that we should start saying virtual sex rather than pornography, and I encourage you all to try it.

If you agree with our stance, pornography is adultery. That it’s virtual sex. And it’s also emotional and psychological abuse and sexual coercion. If you agree with us, maybe because your husband has virtual sex with women online, and you need support, and you totally get it. You know what we’re talking about.

We’re here for you. There are many so-called betrayal trauma therapists, coaches or groups out there. But they don’t approach pornography use or infidelity, virtual sex as an abuse issue. Or they try to “treat” both the abuser and the victim in the same setting, which is unethical. BTR groups sessions are different.

We get it. We never victim blame, and we are here to support you. So if you relate to anything we said in this episode, check out our BTR group session schedule at BTR.ORG/GROUP. We’d love to see you in a group session today.