#136 - When Someone You Love Is in Danger

Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries

People in your life may be facing a variety of dangers, from mental health issues or suicidal urges to addiction or unsafe behavior. But today, I’ll focus on a specific type of danger: physically or sexually abusive relationships. It’s painful to know (or suspect) that a loved one is in a relationship like this, but it’s also tough to know what to do. I’ll give you some specific advice on how to proceed—and what to avoid doing.

Biggest Takeaways From Episode #136:

• Here are some things to do when your loved one is in an abusive relationship:
  • Express concern and your willingness to help.
  • Give them a way to alert you that you need to call the police or help them get out of the situation.
  • Call the police if you know or have very good reason to believe that your loved one is in danger. Don’t hesitate; just do it!
  • Send your loved one healing energy, thoughts, and/or prayers.
  • Ask yourself whether what you’re planning to do might put this person in danger.
• There are also some things you should avoid doing in these circumstances:
  • Don’t communicate in writing about their relationship or safety issues (unless it’s a time-sensitive emergency).
  • Don’t suggest that the person in an abusive relationship should go to couple’s therapy.
  • Don’t confront or agitate the abuser.
  • Don’t judge your loved one who is being abused.
• Be aware that the most dangerous time for an abused person is right after they leave their abuser. The abused person should go to a domestic violence shelter (rather than a loved one’s house) when they leave, because the shelter will have resources to help.

Highlights from Episode #136:

• Welcome to episode 136! Let’s talk about what to do in terms of your boundaries when someone you love is in a specific kind of danger. [00:39]
• Vicki starts things off by sharing some statistics from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. [04:47]
• What are some things you should not do when you’re dealing with someone facing domestic violence? [07:20]
• Vicki talks about the most dangerous time for someone leaving an abusive relationship. [12:42]
• We learn some things that you can or should do in this type of situation. [15:24]
• Vicki shares a resource: the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You can call or text them at [phone]. [21:35]
• What if someone you love doesn’t want to talk about it? [22:35]

Links and Resources:

• Vicki’s monthly Boundaries Clarifier Workshops
• Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Facebook
• Moving Beyond Betrayal by Vicki Tidwell Palmer
• 5-Step Boundary Solution Clarifier
• Vicki Tidwell Palmer on Instagram
• The Radiant Threefold Path
• Beyond Bitchy on Spotify
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline - or call or text them at [phone]