How to Fix a Toxic Relationship

Come Here To Me: Relationship Experts Walk the Talk

In "How to Fix a Toxic Relationship," Figs breaks down what a toxic relationship is (and isn't) and the steps necessary to repair it.

For the purposes of this conversation, a toxic relationship is one in which the couple is spending days, weeks, months—a significant amount of time—in "disconnection" without meaningful repair.

This can include individual negative cycles (conflicts) that persist or escalate dramatically, and/or it can mean the couple is spending very little time in connection over a longer period of time.

Most importantly, couples in a toxic relationship are not having meaningful repair—a multi-dimensional empathetic experience wherein they're able to be there for each other lovingly, feel their individual pain, and feel empathy for both of them together.

So, in order to fix a toxic relationship, Figs leads couples through three stages:

Stage 1: Break down the negative cycle and help both partners recognize the tragedy they are both engaged in together, cognitively and emotionally. This is the most difficult step in the process.

Stage 2: Go deeply into one partner's pain, organize it, have them feel it fully, and ask for their needs to be met—then, their partner shows up for them. Do this in both directions.

Stage 3: Help the couple integrate what they accomplished. They are not "toxic" or broken, and they can repeat this process of repair for the rest of their lives.

Please note that if you are experiencing domestic abuse, it is not currently possible for you to safely attempt to navigate these stages. Reach out for help online at https://www.thehotline.org or by phone at 1-800-799-7233.