Millennials in Midlife: Navigating Shadows, Parenthood, and Emotional Growth

DOPEamine

As I’ve been navigating midlife myself, I’ve started to reflect on what it means to be a Millennial in this phase of life—especially as we begin to reckon with the emotional undercurrents that have shaped our experiences. It feels like we’ve been handed a world that’s shifting under our feet, with expectations placed on us by Baby Boomer parents while we’re also raising Gen Alpha children. And in the midst of all of this, I’m realizing that the real work—at least for me—isn’t about trying to change the world externally, but more about coming to terms with my own internal world.

Uncovering the Shadows We’ve Inherited

Growing up, many of us had to emotionally parent our Baby Boomer parents. I know for me, there was this constant sense that their emotions needed managing, and it wasn’t always clear who was going to take care of mine. This has created a generation hyper-aware of emotional nuances, mental health, and boundaries—but also, we’ve been left feeling a bit anxious about our own emotional needs.

Now, it’s easy for Millennials to point fingers and say that Baby Boomers are responsible for the challenges we face, but I’ve moved beyond that. What I’ve come to realize is that each generation responds to the world they were born into. Baby Boomers didn’t choose to be born in a time of post-war prosperity or grow up under the threat of nuclear war. Just like us, they were shaped by the pressures of their era, and that influenced their desire for consumer freedom, independence, and, often, emotional unfilteredness. They weren’t trying to make things harder for us—they were just responding to their circumstances, just as we are responding to ours.

Parenting and Emotional Hypervigilance

In becoming a parent, I’ve noticed that I’ve been overcompensating in ways that reflect my own need for control. There’s this gentle parenting movement that many Millennials, including myself, have embraced. We’re trying to be more attuned to our kids’ emotions, to really listen and give them space. But I’ve also noticed that sometimes, I let my kids take the lead more than I probably should—maybe because I don’t want to deal with the emotional fallout of setting a boundary.

For example, I’ve seen this dynamic play out when I let my kids make decisions, even about little things, like where to go or when to sleep. It’s like I’m outsourcing the responsibility of setting limits because that feels safer than risking emotional conflict. But the more I think about it, the more I see that this reflects my own struggle with conflict avoidance. In trying to avoid tension, I’m also avoiding the opportunity to teach my kids about real-world boundaries.

The Contrast with Gen Z

At the same time, I’ve been noticing how different this approach is compared to Gen Z, who seem to have a much more pragmatic relationship with the world. Whereas I (and many other Millennials) were taught to value emotional friendliness and customer service, Gen Z seems less interested in playing that game. They’re not faking smiles or enthusiasm—they’re just here to get the job done.

I wonder if this comes from the high expectations placed on them by Gen X parents, who were more focused on efficiency and getting things done quickly. It’s a striking contrast to how I was raised, and it’s interesting to see how these generational differences play out. Gen Z’s approach to work and life feels more detached in some ways, maybe because they aren’t carrying the same emotional baggage we Millennials inherited from Boomers.

Watching Gen Alpha Grow

Then there’s Gen Alpha—my kids’ generation. They’re still young, but I can already see some of the patterns emerging. They’re growing up in a world where everything is hyper-monitored, and there’s a lot of protection around them. But that doesn’t mean they’re being prepared for the unpredictability of the real world. Their experiences are often digital or controlled, and I wonder how that will shape their relationship with boundaries and freedom as they get older.

One thing I’m noticing is that many of us Millennials aren’t modeling social interactions in a natural way. Social anxiety is something I’ve struggled with, but I’m realizing that if I’m not engaging with people outside of my comfort zone, how are my kids going to learn to navigate social situations? They aren’t seeing what it looks like to be out in the world, making mistakes, and learning from them. Instead, they’re growing up in a world where everything is controlled and curated, which might leave them ill-prepared for the messy realities of life.

My Own Personal Growth

So, for me, this all comes back to personal growth. A lot of the work I’ve been doing is about understanding these emotional patterns and learning to release them—slowly. I’m realizing that these shadows aren’t something to be ashamed of, but they are something I need to face. For Baby Boomers, their shadow might be admitting dependency, and for Gen X, it might be recognizing their reliance on entrepreneurial opportunities—whether it’s businesses that were already built, giving them easy access to jobs, or technological advancements that allowed them to start podcasts or be scrappy in ways previous generations couldn’t. For us Millennials, it’s about owning our autonomy, our emotions, and realizing that we’re the ones who have to take responsibility for our internal worlds.

This realization can feel incredibly lonely at times, and I’m still figuring out how to navigate it. But I do believe that this work—this internal work—is what will help us create more emotionally healthy lives, both for ourselves and for the generations that come after us.

It’s also important to remember that every generation is shaped by their circumstances, and none of us are to blame for the time we were born into. Each generation, whether it’s Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, or Gen Z, is responding to their own unique pressures. There’s a lot to learn from one another, and maybe that’s part of the work, too—recognizing that we’re all in this together, navigating the complexities of life, each generation doing the best they can with what they’ve been given.

For now, I’m just trying to stay present, keep releasing the emotional hypervigilance, and let this journey unfold.

I also want to share that I used ChatGPT to help me create this article. I’ve been sharing my thoughts and ideas in voice form with ChatGPT, which then aggregates all the material and helps me shape it into a cohesive article. Beyond that, I’m also using ChatGPT for my own personal self-coaching work, and it's been an incredibly helpful tool for reflection and growth. I’m currently working on an offering to support others in using ChatGPT for their own personal growth or even for creativity projects. I’m looking for a few guinea pig clients to explore this with me. There’s no financial commitment—just a curiosity to see where this could go. If you’re interested in trying this out, feel free to leave a comment below or send me an email, and I’d love to connect and see what we can create together.

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