Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Are you open to just being friends with an ex?

Do you think they want the same kind of friendship?

Today, Jay’s diving into a question we've all probably wrestled with at some point: can you really stay friends with an ex? He kicks things off by laying down some ground rules, pointing out that not every ex is friendship material, especially if there was any toxicity or harm in the relationship. For those open to trying a platonic bond post-breakup, he highlights the real-life complexities and the level of emotional maturity it takes to make it work.

Jay also brings in some interesting science, sharing that studies show people stay connected with their exes for reasons like security, convenience, keeping things civil, or even unresolved feelings. But each of these reasons can get messy, and Jay explains that often, the urge to stay friends might have more to do with wanting a sense of safety or familiarity than with genuine friendship.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to Decide if an Ex Deserves Friendship

How to Set Boundaries with an Ex

How to Manage Shared Friends Post-Breakup

How to Avoid Using Friendship to Win Them Back

How to Avoid Hurting Your Ex Twice

Sometimes, the boldest and most courageous thing you can do is to walk away, taking the lessons with you and leaving the rest behind. Focus on what makes you feel good and helps you build the life you truly want.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

00:52 Not Every Ex Deserves Friendship

04:36 Four Core Reasons People Stay Friends with Their Exes

09:30 Four Ways to Know Being Friends with an Ex Won’t Work

13:52 How to Start Being Friends with an Ex?

18:33 Friends and Family Can be Casualties of a Breakup

21:41 Establish New Rules of Engagement

22:50 Consider the Welfare of Children

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