Audio of Blog - You Are Your Own Mother

The Kavanagh Sisters Podcast

Mother’s Day is a national celebration enjoyed by many, but for others the day acts as a reminder of the lack of nurturing they received as a child. This often raises unjust feelings of shame and unworthiness in victims. They can be bombarded with memories of the lack of motherly love and nurturing in their childhood. This can lead to sadness and isolation and in many cases negative self-talk.

Our relationship with our own mother was at times very difficult. She was not available to us emotionally and because she held no value in her own worth, she demonstrated what she was taught culturally about the role of women and how they had nothing of value to contribute other than being selfless and put everyone’s need first.

A Change in Perspective is Needed.

Normally on days like this we provide suggested lists of how to mind yourself. However, as this year women here in Ireland and across the world have shown such strength in speaking out against injustice, we think this might be a great time to make a stand and realise this is a day to be celebrated. Consider this, we are all here and without a mother that would not have happened.

A Walk in the Park

We believe that if you have survived sexual abuse, this one-day challenge should be a walk in the park for you. Celebrating your own life may be a challenge, but one you are more than capable of succeeding in.

Enjoying watching others celebrate this day may in the past has been difficult but let’s change it around and make it YOUR DAY. If you see this day as sad due to memories of an abusive mother or the loss of your mother, challenge yourself to see it differently with the focus on you as the mother to be celebrated.

Do not let this day of celebration turn into a day of mourning and nostalgia but rather recognise that you deserve to feel really good about yourself. Regardless of how you feel or have felt about your mother, she brought a great gift into the world and that gift is you, so let the celebrations begin. Even if it is only for one day let’s push ourselves to make that happen. Use it as day one of acknowledging your own worth and the realisation of just how special you are.

What Can You Do for Yourself?

To help keep you focused try to answer the questions below.

• When is the last time I told me that I love me?
• What are the gifts/qualities I bring to this world?
• Do the people I surround myself with bring value to my life?
• Do I treat myself with the love and respect I deserve? If not, is that reflected in how others treat me?
• Where am I on my priority list
• Do I mind and respect my body?
• When is the last time I did something nice for myself?
• How do I feed my soul?
• Where am I not being honest with myself and why?
• Am I kind to myself?

Answer these questions as honestly as you can, by answering them truthfully warts and all you will see what you know about yourself, what you like and want to keep and which of those beliefs you may need to let go of.

Hopefully this will help you identify your thoughts be they negative or positive. It is only with awareness that we can decide to let go of things that no longer serve us and make the changes needed in our lives.

The main thing to remember is that you deserve to be loved and the best person to do this is YOU. In loving yourself you are setting a trend; you are relaying to others just how you expect to be treated and you learn how to truly respect yourself.

Focus on yourself for this day, regardless of if or how many children you have, or whether you have pleasant or negative memories of your mother. Use this as a day to begin putting yourself first, recognising all the things you place of more importance before your needs.

Let’s make Mother’s Day a day to remember positively.