How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends | Dr. Marisa G. Franco

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Did you know that having friends can make you less depressed? One survey found that the average American had not made a new friend in the last five years but 45% of people said they would go out of their way to make a new friend if they only knew how.

Our guest today, Dr. Marisa G. Franco, has written a bestselling book about how understanding your own psychological makeup and attachment style can help you make and keep friends. Franco is a psychologist and a professor at the University of Maryland. Her book is called Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make–and Keep–Friends.

This is episode three of a four part series in which we are doing some counter programming against the typical Valentine's Day fair.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why friendship is undervalued in our society (while romantic love is overvalued) and why this is damaging on both a societal and individual level
• The impact of technology on our relationships as explained by something called “displacement theory”
• The biological necessity of social connection and the devastating physiological and psychological impacts of loneliness
• Attachment style and its relationship to our friendships
• What you can do to make friends, including being open or vulnerable (without oversharing)
• How to reframe social rejection
• The importance of generosity
• How to handle conflict with your friends
• The difference between flaccid safety and dynamic safety in your friendships
• When to walk away from a relationship
• How to make friends across racial, gender, and socioeconomic lines
• How to deal with social anxiety
• And how our evolutionarily wired negativity bias can impact the process of making friends

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/marisa-g-franco-561

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