Becoming Me is your podcast companion and coach in your journey to a more integrated and authentic self. I explore the joys and challenges of the interior journey, and share practical wisdom about growing in wholeness and in living the authentic life. Visit www.becomingme.sg for podcast host bio, companion blog and subscribe to my mailing list for more engagement and resources!
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What's the Difference between Spiritual Fervour and Spiritual Maturity?
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Episode 135 In this episode, I delve into the transition many of us experience from spiritual fervour to spiritual maturity, especially during deep healing and integration. I discuss the differences between these stages, focusing on their characteristics and how we respond to suffering. By sharing my personal experiences and insights into the stage…
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A Trauma-Informed Perspective to Spiritual Growth (with Edwina Yeow)
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Episode 134 Join me in this candid episode as I engage in a heartfelt conversation with trauma-informed and somatic-trained Catholic spiritual guide Edwina Yeow, founder of Anam Cara Ministries (Singapore). We delve into the deep connection between trauma, spirituality, and our relationship with God. Edwina, a seasoned Catholic spiritual director w…
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Journeying Through Spiritual Midlife Crisis
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Episode 133 In this episode, I share my personal experience with spiritual midlife crisis. I share about the difficult and transformative phases of my journey, including moments of doubt, deep introspection, and the deconstruction of my previously held beliefs and practices. Through this challenging journey, I discovered crucial resources that guid…
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Stages of Maturing Faith: Insights From "The Critical Journey"
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Episode 132 In this episode, I introduce and share reflections from “The Critical Journey: Stages in the Life of Faith," by Janet O. Hagberg and Robert A. Guelich. This remarkable resource opened my eyes to the stages of faith development, reinforcing the crucial role of experiential learning and integrating emotional healing with spiritual growth.…
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Journeying Towards A More Embodied and Authentic Faith
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Episode 131 In this episode, I share my personal journey from having a disembodied faith, which was largely intellectual and disconnected from my emotional and physical experiences, to developing an embodied faith that integrates my beliefs with all aspects of my life. I delve into what disembodied faith means, why many of us experience faith this …
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Distinguishing Between Self-Abandonment and Authentic Self-Gift
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Episode 130 In this episode, I share my deep personal reflections on what it means to lay down my life in alignment with Christ, but without feeling lesser for it. Growing up in an enmeshed family system with rigid expectations of selflessness, ingrained through my Catholic upbringing, I faced challenges in understanding genuine self-sacrifice. I d…
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Why Not Going To Church Can Be A Trauma Response
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Episode 129 In this episode, I engage in a deep and meaningful conversation with Catholic author and trauma therapist Brya Hanan. We delve into the complexities of trauma, particularly how it intersects with our faith journey. We explore how experiencing a resistance to going to church and attending mass can be a trauma response, and the importance…
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Embracing Complexity: Rediscovering Faithfulness In The Healing Journey
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Episode 128 In this final episode of the season, I share how my understanding of faithfulness has evolved as I healed. Initially, my understanding of faithfulness was deeply rooted in a binary, performance-based perspective, influenced by my cultural and religious upbringing. I viewed it as a straightforward measure of adherence to a set of religio…
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Finding Self-Love Amidst Compulsions & Addictions
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Episode 127 In this podcast episode, I open up about a deeply personal and often stigmatised issue - my struggle with compulsions and addictions. I discuss how these issues are not only challenging to confront but are also shrouded in shame and secrecy, particularly when they deal with substance abuse or sex. Drawing from my experiences, I reflect …
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Embracing Your True Self & Making Authentic Connections
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Episode 126 In this episode, I delve into a poignant question raised during a webinar Q&A session about whether connecting with oneself inevitably enhances our connections with others, especially when expressing our true selves might not be warmly accepted by everyone. I unravel the complexities surrounding authentic connections, emphasising the si…
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How Important Is It To Choose A Catholic/Christian Therapist?
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Episode 125 In this episode of our current series, I delve into the topic of whether choosing a therapist or spiritual director of the same faith, specifically Christian or Catholic, is crucial for one's journey towards interior integration. How important is a therapist’s faith in their effectiveness for our interior journey and how much difference…
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4 Considerations When Choosing A Therapist
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Episode 124 In this episode, I delve into the continuation of my exploration on seeking guidance, pivoting from the quest for a spiritual director to the intricate process of choosing a therapist. I reveal key considerations that have shaped my approach, highlighting the vital step of discerning which 'layer of life' demands healing - be it surface…
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5 Considerations When Choosing A Spiritual Director
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Episode 123 In this in-depth episode, I share my personal experiences and insights on the importance and process of selecting a spiritual director to guide one's spiritual journey. I outline five key considerations that have proved pivotal in my journey: assessing the spiritual director's emotional and spiritual maturity, understanding my current s…
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Is It Time to Change Your Spiritual Director or Therapist?
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Episode 122 This episode covers practical advice for individuals deeply invested in their integrated spiritual and emotional healing journeys. I particularly emphasise the importance of recognising when it might be time to change one's spiritual director or therapist and provide listeners with THREE signs that may indicate that it is time for a cha…
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The Contemplative Heart of Interior Integration
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Episode 121 In this episode of Becoming Me, I delve into the contemplative heart of interior integration. I talk about the integration of spirituality, psychology, neuroscience, and other fields as essential in the journey of self-discovery. Using metaphors and reflecting on my own experiences, I emphasise the role of contemplation in managing life…
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3 Spiritual Blocks That Stem From Attachment Trauma
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Episode 120 In this episode I highlight three common spiritual blocks: the inability to develop a close and intimate relationship with God, the struggle with being still and silent, and the challenges of discernment and decision-making. We often think of these as spiritual blocks, but in my experience, they have a lot to do with attachment trauma. …
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Are You Spiritualising Forgiveness?
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Episode 119 In this episode, I discuss the concept of spiritualising forgiveness and its implications in faith and daily life. I talk about how the struggles many people often face in integrating love and forgiveness in their lives are due to an insecure attachment with God and a fear of not doing the right thing. I talk about the pitfalls of spiri…
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The Essential Role of Self-Care In The Interior Journey
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Episode 118 In this episode, I dive deep into the topic of self-care, self-love, and how they relate to spirituality from a Christian perspective. I challenge the common misconception within some Christian circles that self-care may be seen as a sign of weakness or indulgence. I emphasise the importance of recognising our individual, personal needs…
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Navigating Healing of Relationships In Dysfunctional Families: A Christian Perspective
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Episode 117 In this in-depth discussion, I provide a Christian perspective on the journey of healing from complex trauma within a dysfunctional family setting. Six gentle reminders are shared for those trying to manage relationships within such dynamics: acknowledging the enmity; having a trustworthy third party; remembering self-abandonment is not…
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Primed For Conflict: The Link Between Our Present & Our Past
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Episode 116 In this episode I examine the connection between past emotional trauma and present conflicts in relationships. Aided by three personal stories, I illustrate how past familial conflicts have influenced my own internal emotional regulation triggering conflicts in my current relationships, especially within my marriage. I also share how gr…
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Understanding Enmeshment's Impact On Our Faith & Relationships
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Episode 115 In this episode I explore the concept of 'enmeshment', a term used in psychology to describe dysfunctional family systems marked by poor boundaries between family members and thus over-dependence (and co-dependence). I reflect on how growing up in an enmeshed family has affected my own mental health, relationships, and understanding of …
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Recovering From People-Pleasing and Insecure Attachment With God
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Episode 114 If you're a people-pleaser, chances are good that you also have an insecure attachment with God and that your understanding of "pleasing God" comes from a place of anxiety rather than confidence. This episode discusses the struggles of recovering people pleasers within the context of spiritual life. I share some insights on a passage fr…
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Why Exercising Boundaries Feel "Wrong" When You're Healing
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Episode 113 When those of us who never had boundaries start learning to exercise them, it can feel really "wrong" to us and this may keep us second guessing if drawing boundaries is the right thing to do. In this episode I reflect upon the struggle of exercising personal boundaries in the context of faith, familial expectations, and societal norms.…
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How Ignatian Examen Helps Heal Abandonment Wounds
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Episode 112 In this episode's deep dive, I explain the vital connection between our senses of identity and security in faith, sharing insights drawn from Catholic tradition, modern psychology, and personal experience. I share about my journey towards developing a secure attachment with God, and how the prayer of the Examen, which originated with St…
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3 Grounding Tips For When You Are Overwhelmed
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Episode 111 Have you experienced feeling overwhelmed while making the interior journey? In this episode I propose three coping strategies for these difficult periods: the understanding that nothing real changes, realising that we are not the saviours of ourselves or the world, and being extra gentle and mindful towards ourselves. I also highlight t…
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Why Conviction Without Integration Doesn't Help Us
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Episode 110 Conviction alone can’t get you where you want or need to go. When we don’t do the work of interior integration we often end up hiding behind our convictions to feel safe instead of flourishing because we are rooted in a secure relationship with God and our Self. In this episode, I explore how personal integration is a crucial factor for…
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What Does Interior Integration FEEL Like?
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Episode 109 What's the difference that healing and integration makes we get triggered back into old insecurities and anxieties? We often expect that healing will result in the absence of struggles but in reality, the journey involves self-awareness and fostering a sense of internal freedom with which we learn to manage our anxieties and insecuritie…
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How Learning About Trauma Helped My Spiritual Life
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Episode 108 In this episode, I delve into how understanding complex trauma has helped me in my spiritual life. I share how certain challenges I face, such as emotional regulation in stressful environments, couldn't be solved merely through deepening my spiritual life and prayer routine. By learning more about trauma, I discovered how coping mechani…
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Coping with Advent Overwhelm: Trauma Recovery and Faith
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Episode 107 Do you feel overwhelmed in Advent and more tense than usual? Does that make you feel guilty all the more because it makes you feel like you're not "doing" Advent well? In this bonus episode, I share my personal experiences about the overwhelming feelings often associated with the Advent season, particularly for those on a trauma recover…
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How Dissonance Invites You Home to Your True Self
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Episode 106 Have you ever felt that gut-wrenching feeling that something just isn't right in your life, but couldn't quite pinpoint the cause? That sense of dissonance might actually be the key to unlocking a more authentic and fulfilling life. In this heartfelt conversation, I examine the importance of authenticity and attunement, and how these tw…
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What An Interior Integration Coach Is And Why I Am One
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Episode 105 “What’s an interior integration coach and why are you one?” I often get asked how what I do is different from spiritual direction, counselling/therapy and life coaching. In this last episode from the 30 day challenge series I explain what interior integration specifically addresses and how the kind of coaching I do draws upon, differs f…
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Why You Can't Flourish Without Attunement
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Episode 104 Why is it that even when we KNOW what we need to do and when we even try to do “the right things” so few of us truly thrive and flourish? In this episode I share how getting things done (even when they are good things) without attunement to ourselves, to God and others will lead to us showing up more and more as “empty shells” and using…
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Authenticity In The Struggle With Childlessness
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Episode 103 There is a secret shame and hidden pain for those of us whose community (family/church) value marriage and children when our marriage situation does not match that “ideal”. In this episode I responded to someone who asked how she could be authentic to herself, God and others in her struggle to make sense of her infertility. How can she …
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How Healing Changed Me And My Interior Journey
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Episode 102 "What real life difference does interior healing make in our day to day living?" "What difference does healing make to the way we see, approach and experience the interior journey?" "What does one need to do to begin healing?" "And how does the soul feel when we move from a season of healing/deepening to a season of equipping and then s…
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Burnout, Imposter Syndrome, Sin and Boundaries
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Episode 101 "Does burnout and imposter syndrome always mean we are not doing what we are meant to do?" "If our wounds impact how we respond to others, how and when does sin come in?" "Can trying to practice boundaries make us sin? Is feeling guilty be an indication that we are doing something wrong?" In this episode I respond to these questions fro…
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Why You Can't Discern Mission Without Healing
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Episode 100 So many of us wish to know our gifts and our mission or vocation, but few know that without healing and integration we won’t be able to truly discern or live out our giftings or vocation. In this episode I explain WHY it is that trying to discern our gifts or mission without going through healing is often ineffective, resulting in us re…
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From People Pleasing to Unapologetic Confidence
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Episode 99 I used to appear confident and successful externally but felt so anxious inside. I was a high achiever who felt like an imposter and who feared losing the regard that others had of me because of my achievements. In this episode I share the real experience of my journey into being able to confidently choose to be aligned with who I am and…
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Developing Trust & Secure Attachment In Adulthood
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Episode 98 How do we begin to develop secure attachment with God and others in adulthood when we have struggled so long with insecurity about our loveableness? In this episode I break this question down from the perspective of interior integration and share some practical steps you can take. This episode is part of a series taken from my 30 Day Ins…
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What To Do When Other People Project Their Insecurities Onto Us
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Episode 97 How can you maintain inner freedom and equilibrium when other people project their issues onto you? In this episode I explain the first principles behind a process that allows us to become more anchored in our True Identity which will allow us to respond to other people’s projections onto us with greater authenticity and integrity. I tea…
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3 Steps To Take When The Interior Journey Overwhelms You
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Episode 96 “How do I pace myself on the interior journey when the speed of what comes up (mostly past experiences, childhood memories) is faster than what I can process or unpack?” In this episode I offer THREE clear and very practical steps of what to do when the interior journey becomes overwhelming. This episode is part of a series taken from my…
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Healing Through Delight, Beauty, Rest & Play
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Episode 95 In my season of deep healing I was led to rediscover how to receive delight, rest, pleasure, rest and be extravagant with beauty without guilt. I never knew until that season how “holiness” and “goodness” and my image of God had been distorted in my life through trauma to be narrow, pedantic, dogmatic and puritanical. Hear how I experien…
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When Your Interior Journey Feels Disconnected With The Outside World
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Episode 94 At some point of the interior journey we will feel disconnected with the outside world and this can be scary if we don’t understand why it’s happening or how to respond. In this episode I explain why this sense of disconnection happens at specific seasons of the interior journey and what practical action we can take to nurture and protec…
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Loneliness In Singlehood and Marriage
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Episode 93 Loneliness is a universal experience, regardless of whether you are single or married (or in religious life/ordained)! What’s at the root of our loneliness? How do we build a foundation towards having secure attachment with others and with God? Tune in to this episode to hear me talk about how no-one, not even God, can replace a secure r…
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Why Becoming Our Own Person Is Required to Mature in Love
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Episode 92 In order to love authentically, we need to have a healthy sense of who we are as a separate SELF. In this episode I talk about why being enmeshed or too detached in our relationships both prevent us from becoming more fully alive and authentically loving. I also address a question about the particular challenge of being an Asian/Chinese …
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"Doing The Right Thing" vs Being Authentically Loving
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Episode 91 There’s a world of difference between shutting down our emotions and ignoring our needs to “do the right thing” and being genuinely, authentically loving with our whole being. In this episode I explain this distinction and share with very concrete experience how differently these two frameworks operate and how only one of them sets us fr…
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How God Led Me To Trust Him Through My Body
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Episode 90 Did you know your lack of a good relationship with your own BODY prevents you from being able to TRUST God, your Self or others? When we try to discipline our body without first having a loving relationship with it, we deepen the emotional fracture within our being. In this episode I share how God led me to reconsider my relationship wit…
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Attuning to vs Controlling Our Emotions
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Episode 89 What’s the difference between controlling our emotions and regulating them? We often try to control our emotions in order to “be loving” but by doing so we actually make it harder for us to make authentic connections. In this episode I share my experience on the difference between controlling my emotions and learning to regulate by attun…
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Life’s Interruption Is the Invitation To Your Real Work
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Episode 88 Illness. Burn out. Relationships breaking down. Death. Losing a job. Giving birth. These are some of life’s interruptions that can throw us off our carefully planned lives and make us feel destabilised. Our instinct is usually to over-function and overcome these interruptions, but as INTERIOR PILGRIMS we have the option of seeing these i…
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Slowing Down Is About Freedom
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Episode 87 In the interior journey it's not how slow or fast you are but the quality of the energy and presence you embody that shows how much space is within you. Slowing down is a way of cultivating that SPACE within us that enables us to exercise our freedom to choose our responses. For many of us addicted to busyness, preoccupation and speed, w…
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Why Your Self-Knowledge Needs To Be More Specific
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Episode 86 How well do you know yourself? The more specific and concrete we can get about knowing the way we are uniquely created and how to be aligned with our design, the freer and more confident we become in making our journey and in taking up the unique mission God created us to do. In this episode I share some real life examples of individuals…
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